


A Different World    *Part Two*

by Nightbreed



Category: Krashlyn - Fandom, Women's Soccer RPF, lesbian - Fandom, young adult - Fandom
Genre: F/F, Krashlyn - Freeform, Long Distance Relationship, Suicide, Young Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:41:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 76,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21556417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightbreed/pseuds/Nightbreed
Summary: Now that Ash has gone off to college, we move on to learning how to handle the "adulting" that comes with growing up.This is the second part of the "Different World" story.
Relationships: Ashlyn Harris/Ali Krieger
Comments: 87
Kudos: 232





	1. In Too Deep

_October 7, 2023_

_Saturday 10:45 PM_

_When Ashlyn left with Megan that day to go back to school, it was a difficult time. Ali's body was still recovering from the most traumatic event in her life. Her teacher, Mr. Russell applied to become her caregiver until she turned eighteen. He opened his home to her while she finished high school. Ali was offered scholarships to some of the best programs in the country for athletics as well as academics. UNC never recruited her and when she still reached out and applied, the financial package they offered wasn’t enough for Ali to go to school there. Ashlyn talked with her on the phone the day the letter arrived. Through her tears, she said that she’d decided on Penn State University. They’d reached out with great interest in her playing soccer for them and from there, the engineering department began communicating with her about the opportunities they could provide. They were one of many schools that offered her full tuition but she felt they were the best option._

_Ashlyn did her best to hide her feelings. She congratulated her on her success and let her know how proud of her she was. When Ali graduated high school, she was Valedictorian of the class and awarded National Athlete of the Year Honors. Ashlyn had been called up to a camp with the national team and couldn’t be there. The picture of Ali, smiling in her cap and gown, with Mr. Russell at her side made Ashlyn’s chest ache. She could see the hint of tears in the corners of her eyes as she prepared to move on to the next chapter of her life and leave this one behind._

_Ali had agreed to a summer soccer clinic that would give her the opportunity to play in a highly competitive series and live on campus until fall classes began. Unfortunately, when Ashlyn had a break that August, Ali was preparing for exams in a STEM preparedness course she’d taken._

_During the school year, it was nearly impossible for either one of them to break away for even a weekend to see each other. When one of them had even a brief window of time, the other would be occupied with classes, traveling or because of the commitments involved with their scholarship requirements._

_Shortly after Ashlyn’s senior year had begun, she received a call from her brother telling her their father had passed away suddenly. It brought about a mix of emotions that she wasn’t completely prepared to deal with. Eleven-thirty on a Saturday night, she called Ali hoping to have a facetime conversation before the tears inevitably began._

_When the call connected, she was immediately met with bright lights and loud music. Ali’s smiling, yet, slightly drunk face appeared on the screen, “Ash! How are you!” It was more of a statement as her words blended slightly. Ali wore a black low cut tank top and as soon as she saw her, primal urges began to wellspring inside her. Her mind replayed flashes of them tangled up in bed together, a flurry of their most intimate and innocent moments._

_Ali was smiling, watching the screen briefly before looking away to the many people that were at the crowded venue. She was in a perpetual state of constant giggle, so when Ashlyn asked if they could talk, Ali didn’t hear her over the music. Clearing her throat, Ashlyn asked again, “Do you think we can talk some…..” Her voice trailed off when a familiar face was beside Ali and her arm was around her waist. Smiling back, she was suddenly standing behind her to see the screen and then kissed her on the cheek. It looked like they’d been dancing. “Hi, Ash!” Recognizing the goalkeeper from the tournament that Ali had won MVP, she smiled back a little, “Hey, Alyssa.” After Ashlyn left for school, they called and texted as much as they could. With all the attention from the community and other teams she’d played against, Ali started using social media to keep in touch with everyone. Alyssa had organized the care packages for Ali from her team and had written her the letter that was delivered with the boxes. When Ali wrote back ‘thank you’ letters, she connected with Alyssa and they became friends. Ali had mentioned that the girl was recruited and would be starting this fall but it hadn’t bothered her until she saw them together. She remembered the way Alyssa was watching Ali walk away after their conversation on the field. Ashlyn had the sneaking suspicion that there was more than just gratitude in her stare. Feeling herself tensing up, she asked again, “Ali, do you think we could talk?”_

_Ali nodded and the screen dropped to her side. Ashlyn watched as her feet navigated through a sea of people. She couldn’t be sure, but it sounded like she was talking to Alyssa before she walked away. The music was obnoxiously loud and she found herself becoming jealous that Ali was having a good time without her. She slipped into a bathroom, flipped on the light and snapped the lock on the door behind her When she held the phone back up and Ashlyn could see her face clearly, she angrily asked, “Where the hell are you?”_

_Staring back, Ali stumbled a little and leaned on some shelving beside her. Before she could answer, she added, “And how much have you had to drink?”_

_The brunette met her eyes with her own and shook her head, “I’m not really drunk, and I’m at a party of one of the girls on the team’s cousin.” As Ali moved around the bathroom, Ashlyn could see several angles through another mirror on the back wall in addition to the main one. She could see three-quarter length black leggings she was wearing and it made her even angrier. They were low cut on her hips so there was large gap where the tank top ended and the leggings began that sat so revealing around her waist._

_Ali didn’t pick up on her anger. She was intoxicated and Ashlyn could see her head was swimming. “Show me what you’re wearing?” Ali changed the view on her phone and aimed the lens at the mirror. She was smiling and completely unaware of the fire building in the blonde’s belly. “I didn’t really change after practice. We came here from the facility and ordered some food.” Although it was true, what she wore was no different from any other practice attire, Ashlyn still felt jealous of everyone there at the party with her girlfriend. The form fitting clothing hugged her curves and revealed every inch of the body she used to have all to herself at night._

_“How are you getting home?” Ashlyn’s eyes had narrowed now with concern. Ali’s face had scrunched as if she were doing long division in her head. When enough time had passed with no answer, Ash shook her head, “Ali, what are you doing?”_

_Still oblivious to the tone of the conversation, the brunette looked back at the screen, “I miss you.” The sultry swagger in her voice pulled on Ashlyn’s insides. Then suddenly Ali asked excitedly, “Oh, do you want to see what I got?” Ashlyn didn’t answer but Ali had already set the phone down against the wall with the screen facing her, so she could use both her hands. Ali took a couple steps farther away so Ash could see almost all of her from the knees up. She glanced nervously at the door afraid that someone would come in. Looking back to Ash, she smiled and pulled her leggings halfway down her thighs. Standing in a pair of black lace panties, she turned to show her right hip better and Ashlyn blushed, “Ali, what are you….”_

_When she pulled the panties down on the one side revealing the tattoo, the blonde’s eyes were wide with surprise. Ali blushed a little and asked, “Do you like it?” She bit her bottom lip as she peered back watching the blonde and waiting for her response._

_Ash nodded her head and smiled, “That looks really cool on you. I can’t wait to see it in the flesh.” Pulling her clothes up, Ali blushed again. Giving her a stern look, Ashlyn told her, “I better not hear about you showing that to anyone.”_

_“Ashlyn Harris! Are you jealous?” Ali folded her arms over herself playfully._

_“When it comes to you, yes I am.”_

_Ali hesitated as she watched the screen. She could see the seriousness shrouded in the humor of her statement. Picking the phone up, she settled on the side of the bathtub to sit. “You and I, we’re still a thing, right? You still love me?”_

_“You know I do.”_

_Ali held up her hand and showed her the ring she wore on her pinky finger. “I’ve never taken it off.” She looked from her finger to the screen back at Ashlyn._

_“You’re my girl, Ali. I told you I’ll wait as long as I have to. Can you do the same?”_

_Dropping her hand, she tilted her head a bit as she looked at the blonde and smiled. The alcohol gave her the confidence to tease back, “You know, I’ve seen you naked too. I’m just as frustrated.”_

_Ashlyn laughed out loud at the bold comment. Ali questioned, “Are you waiting for me?” She turned her head and pulled the shoulder of her tank top down a little, revealing a hint of cleavage. Her face flushed with color at her display._

_Ashlyn growled a little under her breath, “I’m right here waiting.” Ali giggled at her sound effects. “But right now,” she continued, “You need to take your drunk ass to bed.”_

_The brunette smiled and pulled out the hair tie letting her brown locks fall over her shoulders. “I’ll be careful. Are you really alright?”_

_Remembering her reason for calling, Ashlyn tightened her lips and smiled. Not letting her get off so easy, Ali questioned, “What are you thinking?”_

_Her face softened and she easily responded, “I’m thinking I love you, and I can’t wait to see you again.”_

_Ali smiled, “I love you too.”_

_When Ali returned to the party, Alyssa handed her a drink and yelled over the music, “Everything alright? I was getting worried…” She put her arm around Ali’s waist and met her eyes with concern. Holding the cup, the brunette realized how much she missed Ashlyn’s touch. She remembered that her affection was something she craved. Ali smiled back at Alyssa and took a long swallow. “Yes,” she nodded, “Everything’s alright.”_

_They blended into the room again and started dancing._

_The pounding in her head woke her before she could open her eyes. Putting her hand over her face to shield the light, Ali felt a chill on her shoulders. Pulling up the blanket, she rolled back until she felt someone sleeping behind her. She stopped and closed her eyes, searching her mind for what happened last night. Flashes of her dancing and laughing played through her mind until she remembered being in the upstairs hallway with Alyssa. They were at the end of the hall, against the wall in the shadows, kissing teasingly. Ali couldn’t remember who started it or who took control but it happened._

_Looking over, she could see her friend sleeping beside her. She felt her heart begin to race when she realized she wasn’t wearing any clothes. She took a breath and chewed softly on her bottom lip. What had she done?_

_“Mornin’,” Alyssa whispered. “You ok?”_

_Looking up at the speckled ceiling, she opened her mouth but no words came out. Reaching out and resting her hand on Ali’s stomach, Alyssa comforted, “I know you were upset.”_

_Ali met her smile with a confused look, “Alyssa, did we have sex? I can’t remember.”_

_Shaking her head quickly, Alyssa shrugged a little, “We just did a lot of kissing. Then we both passed out.” Dragging her fingers lightly across her belly as she spoke, Alyssa went on, “I think you were just lonely. You said you missed her touch.” The sensations elicited a soft sigh._

_Placing the palm of her hand lightly over Ali’s pubic hair, she added, “I just wanted to make you feel better.” Closing her eyes, Ali could feel herself getting warmer. Her finger dipped slowly between her folds and began to stroke softly, “I like you so much, Ali.” The collected moisture making it slick, she plunged her finger deeper and across her clitoris._

_Ali gasped and reached for her friend’s wrist, “Please stop.”_

_The rejection paining her face, Alyssa pulled her hand back, “But you said you liked me.”_

_“I do. I just…I have a girlfriend that I really love.”_

_“That you haven’t seen in how many years?”_

_“I know. It’s not easy. Believe me. But I do love her.”_

_“Then let me help you out. It doesn’t have to mean anything.” She released the hold she had on Alyssa’s wrist. “I’m so into you.” Leaning closer, she softly kissed Ali’s lips. Placing a hand on Alyssa’s shoulder, Ali smiled, “It would mean something to me. Because I like you a lot too. And you’re my friend. I don’t want things to be weird between us. Ok?”_

_Sitting up slowly, Alyssa bowed her head. “I’ve had a crush on you since the day I met you. I don’t know what to do with these feelings if I can’t express them.” Ali sat up beside her friend and held the sheet against her chest shyly, “I understand. I really do.” Leaning her head against her, she went on, “But when you meet someone who truly feels the same way about you, it’ll be so special when you share that together.”_

_Alyssa looked down at Ali who was resting against her, “Why couldn’t we have met sooner?” The brunette took her hand into hers and held it lightly. “How do you know she’s the one?”_

_Ali smiled and her cheeks flushed with color. She bit her bottom lip as she thought about her answer. When Ali met Alyssa’s eyes again, her words seemed to stall._

_“I see.” Alyssa smiled and looked away in thought._

_“What,” Ali asked confused._

_“When I just asked you how you knew she was the one, you got this look on your face that pretty much said it all.” Ali blushed again when she smiled._

_“Yeah, that look.”_

_Covering her face with her hands, Ali apologized, “I can’t help it.”_

_“I know. That’s why I understand now. And I think it’s sweet.” Glancing back down, she added, “I just feel like I’m never going to be able to get over you.”_

_Ali smiled at her, “You’ll feel differently one day, I promise.”_

_Alyssa leaned in and paused before brushing her lips with her own. Then pressing them against her lips again, they slowly leaned back on the bed with Alyssa kissing her neck and trailing kisses along her shoulder. Her hands trailed softly over her body, caressing her skin as Ali’s breathing picked up. Alyssa’s hands dropped to Ali’s hips and her tongue found its way across her stomach and down to her belly button. When she reached the hairline of the short cropped curls, Alyssa looked up to meet Ali’s brown eyes watching her. She trailed her fingers lightly along her inner thighs until she reached her knees. Then she lifted each leg, one at a time, and rested it over each of her shoulders. Sliding her arms under each of her thighs, she put her hands on the brunette’s hips and pulled herself slightly closer. She was so close, Ali could now feel her hot breath between her legs and on her thighs. Alyssa kept her eyes fixed on Ali’s as she placed a soft kiss on her hair covered mound. Her touch felt like sparks against her skin. Her body was so tight with desire, that when Alyssa buried her face into Ali's moist folds, she completely lost control of her faculties._

____________________________

_Sitting by herself at the top of the stands along Jeffery Field, Ali watched the wind blowing the flags over the score board. She felt a lump in the pit of her stomach. She was afraid to call Ashlyn and tell her what she’d done. Not because she feared the repercussions of her actions but because she didn’t want to cause Ashlyn the unnecessary pain. After almost an hour of debate, she pushed the video call button on her phone. After the second ring, she saw the blonde’s smiling face. “Hi, love.”_

_Ali tried to smile back, “Hi.” Embarrassed by her actions, she had a hard time looking her in the eyes. She was afraid she’d see the betrayal on her face. When she finally did, she could see sadness in Ashlyn’s face. Then she noticed the familiar surroundings; she was sitting on the bed in her old bedroom. “Are you home?”_

_Ashlyn nodded. “My father died.” Her silence that followed was unnerving._

_“When?”_

_“Last night….”_

_As soon as the words left her lips, Ali felt pangs of guilt. “Is that why you called me?”_

_Ashlyn nodded._

_“I’m so sorry. You should have made me listen. Is there anything I can do for you?”_

_The blonde shook her head. She was still trying to hold it together. “How do you feel?”_

_“Can we talk about something else?” Her tone revealed a hint of anger._

_“Sure. Like what?”_

_“Did you have fun at the party?”_

_Shrugging, Ali agreed, “You were right, I was drunk.” Ali looked away from the screen avoiding Ashlyn’s stare. She could feel her cheeks burning._

_“Was everything ok?”_

_Peering up from under her thick eyelashes, Ali stared, “Alyssa and I kissed. She has a crush on me.”_

_Ashlyn nodded but she didn’t seem surprised. It felt as if she was staring through her. “Did you sleep together?”_

_At first, she didn’t know how to answer. Then, when she thought about it, she didn’t want to answer._

_“Ali, are you going to answer me or should we start lying to each other?”_

_Her eyes filled with tears as she looked back as Ash. She was struggling to get the words out, feeling the sting of the edges, as each tumbled from her mouth, “We..” Taking in a breath, she forced them from her lips, “She went down on me.” Sucking in her bottom lip, she watched Ashlyn’s face register the betrayal._

_Letting out a nervous laugh, Ash shook her head, “That’s great, Ali. Do you feel better now? You’ve ruined us.” The words sucker punched her in the stomach from hundreds of miles away._

_Ali let out a stifled sob and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. “I’m sorry.”_

_“No, you’re not,” the blonde cut her off. “You and I haven’t even been that intimate. We’ve been discovering each other together and you threw it away for a quickie. I can’t believe you let her do that to you. What about us?”_

_She watched Ashlyn drop her phone on her bed and seemingly walk away. Ali began crying, “Ash, please, come back. Ash…….Ash?”_

_Picking the phone up, Ashlyn asked, “You want me to come back?”_

_Ali nodded._

_“I’m not the one who walked away. That was you.”_

_“I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I missed you. I missed your closeness….your touch.”_

_The blonde sarcastically smiled, “Awww. Isn’t that sweet. Did she make you orgasm?”_

_When she didn’t answer, Ashlyn angrily yelled, “Come on, Ali! You’re going to do big girl things then you have to answer big girl questions!”_

_Putting her hand to her face to cover it, she cried softly._

_Lowering her voice, Ashlyn called, “Look at me. Look at me right now.”_

_Dropping her hand, she stared back._

_“Tell me how many times or I’m hanging up this phone.”_

_Closing her eyes for a moment, she opened them and looked up, “Four.”_

_The tears that formed in the corners of the blonde’s eyes spilled over and she sniffled back her grief. Placing her hand over her heart, she whispered, “You’re the only one I’ve ever let touch my heart, Ali. And you’ve broken it.”_

_“I wasn’t trying to hurt you.”_

_“That doesn’t matter. Because that’s what you’ve done. Why didn’t you just break up with me instead of doing this?”_

_Ali slowly pleaded, “I don’t want to break up.”_

_“I had an ‘uncle’ who was always over the house. I suppose he was one of my father’s biker friends or one of his dealers. I don’t know. But he was always cornering me and touching me. My father allowed it, because he was a good customer. That was more important. I’ve never been the most important person in someone’s life. I was thirteen years old when he came into my bedroom and raped me. Do you know what hurt more than that fat bloated pig forcing himself on me…it was that my father let him. He heard my screams and he didn’t stop it. I haven’t trusted anyone until you. So when I called you last night, to talk about how I’m supposed to process my father’s death, and I see you at a party with Alyssa hanging on you and you’re drunk….I knew it was going to happen. Then you show me that tattoo…I don’t even know who you are anymore. We’ve grown apart. I’d rather be by myself, than separate from you and worry about if you’re cheating on me all the time. I’m so wounded I can’t breathe.”_

_Ali’s bottom lip was quivering and tears were spilling from her eyes in streams. “I’m an awful person. I never deserved you in the first place. You’re so much better than me.”_

_“I don’t think we should speak anymore.” The words cut through Ali’s chest and paralyzed her. The thought of her absence terrified her. Thinking about not having her as a part of her life made her sick to her stomach. When the line disconnected and Ali’s screen went dark, she sat and cried on the bleachers until Alyssa came searching for her three hours later._


	2. Welcome To The Jungle

_January_ 2, 2024

7:30pm-ID Camp

Sitting in the large conference room, Ashlyn had her earbuds in and was scrolling through her phone. When she felt hot breath on her neck, she glanced over her shoulder at Megan until the girl backed off.

“Dude, why don’t you just call her?”

Pursing her lips tensely, Ashlyn made eye contact with her again and asked, “Call who?”

“Minnie Mouse. I hear she’s looking to switch teams.” Rolling her eyes, Megan threw her hands out, ”Ali, you dipshit. The girl you’re pining over. The one you love. The one you’re stalking on social media right now but pretending you’re not.”

Ashlyn sighed, “I’m getting real tired of hearing that record, man.”

“Then stop acting like a fucking martyr. She was barely sixteen years old when you two started up. This is why you don’t shop in the junior’s department. College is a time of self discovery when your hormones are boiling over and you’re supposed to experiment. She is NOT perfect and neither are you. What do you expect? How long has it been, Christ, already.”

“So what she did is ok?”

“I didn’t say that. I’m saying she’s a horny sexually frustrated college girl. And so are you.”

When Ashlyn looked away, Megan mumbled, “You act like I haven’t been your roommate since you were a wide-eyed freshman. There were some nights I thought you were going for a record. I hear you at night. You don’t think she feels the same way?”

Her face flushing with color, Ashlyn stood and started to walk away. Grabbing her arm and stopping her, Megan reminded her, “I drove you down there when you thought she was dead. This is your shortcoming, not hers. She’s not a relationship expert. She’s a scared little girl who’s suddenly on her own in this world grasping at anything she can to anchor her. Did you forget about the beating she took to secure her freedom? Now take her pussy off the pedestal and realize you’re both human and you make mistakes. Get over yourself. If she didn’t give a fuck, she wouldn’t still be calling and texting and tweeting and DMing and poking and tagging and Skyping and…”

“ALRIGHT!” Ashlyn bowed her head embarrassed at her loud outburst and Megan smiled at her victory. She’d made her point. She was about to celebrate with a touchdown dance that Ashlyn might actually be coming around and contemplating a phone call when Megan saw an incoming disaster behind the blonde. Immediately turning on her heels and walking in the opposite direction, Megan disappeared to the other side of the room.

Watching her friend navigate the room, Ashlyn smiled halfway and pulled out her phone. She scrolled to Ali’s contact and stared at the picture. She started to smile when she felt a light tap on her shoulder. When she turned around, her hazel eyes became a shade darker and her face hardened.

Alyssa waited for any other response that might be coming. Sliding her phone into her pocket, Ashlyn shook her head slowly. Raising her first two fingers in a ‘V’ shape, she held them to the corners of her mouth and stuck her tongue out sarcastically, “That’s better. Now I remember you.”

Putting a hand to Ashlyn’s chest, the younger goalkeeper pushed back and growled, “Go fuck yourself. But let me know if you need help.” Alyssa turned to walk away when Ashlyn started to laugh. And it wasn’t a mocking or angry laugh; it was an honest to god amused laugh. Stopping and looking back, Alyssa raised a single eyebrow in question.

“That had style,” Ashlyn commended.

Still unsure of her tone, Alyssa asked, “Do you want to hit me, are we gonna fight or like, what’s happening here?”

“I’m trying to give you props. How can I fault you for wanting to break off a piece like Ali? You don’t owe me any loyalty.”

Alyssa narrowed her eyes and lowered her voice, “Don’t talk about her like that. It’s rude. I have genuine feelings for her.”

Ashlyn raised her eyebrows a little, “Well then I’m glad it worked out for you. Mazel Tov!”

Before Alyssa could say anything else, Megan strolled between the two and asked, “Did either of you see a…. round ball roll through here, black and white checks,….for soccer.” Using her hands to gesture, she looked from Ash to Alyssa and repeated, “No?”

Grabbing the scruff of her tee shirt, Ashlyn pulled her aside and out of the way. Still side-eyeing Megan, Alyssa continued, “Ali hasn’t spoken to me since it happened. And she’s effectively fucking up her life over this.”

Feeling a tightness in her chest, Ashlyn questioned, “What are you talking about? She doesn’t have a mean bone in her body. How could she ignore you for three months?”

“Because I never see her. I don’t know where she goes anymore. She’s blowing off soccer and as far as her classes, I think she’s dropped them. They’re ready to revoke her scholarship. And now she told the women’s national team ‘no thank you’ to an invitation to ID Camp.”

Ashlyn looked confused and Alyssa continued, “Well, do you see her here? She said no. For the second time.”

Running her hand over her face, Ashlyn shook her head. Looking over at Megan who was standing a couple steps away, Ashlyn asked, “Scared little girl?”

Megan nodded and put her arm around Alyssa, “Cut her some slack and Don Juan here will keep it in her pants.” Blushing, the younger girl shrugged Megan’s arm from around her, “Can you…maybe, not help me?”

Ashlyn stifled her smirk and looked back to the younger girl, “Listen, this ‘hello how do you do’ thing is just about over. Do you want to help me go make a phone call?”

Alyssa nodded and she started to follow Ash, who held her hand out to stop Megan from filing in behind them.

* * *

Walking side by side, Ashlyn would glance over at Alyssa every once in a while, just because. She was a little fascinated with the girl that had gotten Ali into bed. She grazed over her taut muscular body covered in casual tan slacks and a white long sleeved tee shirt. She had long light brown hair that was pulled back out of her face but hung down her back freely. “You have something you want to ask?” Alyssa kept walking but gave Ash the opportunity.

“Yeah. How?”

“Her getting herself off every night wasn’t cutting it and I knew it. I already had a thing for her and listening to that at night was killing me. A little alcohol just greased the wheels.” She stopped walking and looked up at the blonde. “I’m always going to be jealous of what you have but I’m responsible for this. I took advantage of her weakness and it was selfish.”

Ashlyn pushed her hands into the pockets of her sweatpants nervously, “Ali and I,…we never really got to that…level of intimacy.”

Listening carefully, Alyssa was trying to figure out what the blonde was trying to tell her. “She really wanted to take it to that next step and I guess I let her down. Alyssa turned and slowly started to walk again while Ashlyn spoke, “We were so caught up with each other.”

Finding a quiet coffee shop, the two got some drinks and sat in the back together at a table. Wrapping her hands around the cup, Alyssa leaned in and lowered her voice, “Ali made it sound like….” Stopping, she looked down into her cup for a minute. “Ok, so then…” Her hesitation was frustrating both of them. Alyssa nodded and just said, “I don’t how else to put it so here goes.” She leaned over the table again, “You guys did the…” Simulating with two fingers, “..to each other?” Ashlyn nodded. “But you never got to the ..” Sticking out her tongue a little to wiggle it, “..to that point?”

Ash sat back, “Right.”

“Did she get off from that?”

When Ashlyn didn’t answer, Alyssa nodded, “Now I understand. When I tried to use my fingers, she stopped me. She grabbed my wrist. I guess she figured what’s the point.” Holding up her hands defensively, when Ashlyn’s reaction was less than pleased, Alyssa added, “Hey, no judgement.”

“When I went to,” lowering her voice again, “…go down on her, she was really watching me hard. Every move I made…I wasn’t sure if she was gonna stop me again. She seemed….curious.”

Alyssa took a sip of her drink.

Feeling frustrated, Ashlyn waved her hand and asked, “And?”

Lowering her head, Alyssa repeated, “And, what? You want a play by play?”

Half standing, Ashlyn jumped up and reached across the table for her, “And you made my girlfriend orgasm.”

Falling back quickly, Alyssa had pulled just out of her grasp. Then, standing quickly, she swatted her cup across the table and grumbled, “Don’t get pissed at me because I did your job.” Backing up a step, Alyssa asked, “Are we really gonna do this now?”

Leaning over the counter, a man from up front called out, “Is there a problem, girls?”

Both of them sat down and waved, “All good.”

“No worries.”

“Did she reciprocate?”

Narrowing her eyes at the blonde, Alyssa asked, “Why?”

Reaching over to pick up the cup she’d swatted, the younger girl half smiled, “She went down on you and you didn’t do it back. Wow. What’s that all about?” Ash was staring down at the table. “Did she get you off?”

When the blonde didn’t answer, Alyssa apologized, “I’m sorry. And I hope you don’t think that what happened was about me in any way. Because I can see now, it wasn’t. I just happened to be there in that moment. She got you off and you left her hanging.”

Standing, she stepped around the table and sat beside the blonde. “Call her so you guys can make up. She loves you but have to get over whatever ‘this’ whole thing going on in your head is.” Pulling her phone out of her pocket, Alyssa pulled up Ali’s info and looked over to Ash before she pushed call.

They waited for the call to connect, and when Ali answered it, she was sitting in a dimly lit science lab. From the angle of the phone, they could see her hunched over, writing in a book. She had on a white tee shirt, her hair pulled loosely back into a pony tail that had the appearance of lots of wear and tear. Her glasses were precariously balanced on her as she leaned over a little to see the screen.

When she saw them both, her wide-eyed expression displayed confusion and surprised concern. Shaking her head, she stuttered, “Wha…?” Staring silently, she waited.

Alyssa smiled a little, “Hey, Ali. Whatcha doing?”

Still staring, mostly at Ashlyn, she whispered, “Working on a project.”

Seeing Ali, Ashlyn’s feelings began changing. The tenseness was melting away and she felt the warmth that she’d been missing. Alyssa waited but neither of them spoke. “Well, I’m here at camp and look who I ran in to.”

Ali recognized the shift in the blonde’s face and she softened into a smile, “Hi.” She lifted her glasses and tucked them on top of her head. Setting down her pencil, she picked up her phone and focused on Ashlyn. “I still miss you,” she whispered. Ali never blinked.

Ashlyn gently reached for Alyssa’s phone and held it a little closer to her, “I still love you. I never stopped loving you.” Blushing at the sound of the words she missed, she bit her bottom lip and smiled. Her nose crinkled as her smile grew and Ashlyn couldn’t help but smile back.

“There’s that face,” Alyssa laughed.

Ashlyn glanced over and the girl stood and motioned with her head, “I’ll just see you back at the hotel.”

When their eyes met again, Ashlyn asked, “What are you doing? Are you really off the team?”

Ali shook her head, “No. I’m a red shirt this semester because of the fellowship grant.” Ashlyn still looked confused, “You’re not failing out?”

“On the contrary, I came up with a theory they were so impressed with, I was awarded this grant to devote the whole semester to finishing it.”

As Ali spoke, Ashlyn realized Alyssa had played her and she smiled. She’d reminded her how much she cared about Ali’s well being and happiness. “Why would you think….” Her words trailed off as she came to the same realization and mirrored the smile.

“I want…” She stopped to emphasize, “No, I need to see you. All of you. Every inch of you. Next week when this is over, I’m coming up there.” Ali blushed at the blonde’s forcefulness. “Ok.”

“You’re my girl. And I’m going to take care of you.” Ashlyn smiled in a way that the lone dimple on her cheek sought out Ali’s stomach and sent a flutter of wings through it. “Only thing is, you have to be able to count higher than four.”

Her hand covered her face with embarrassment and Ali squealed, “Ashlyn! Oh my god, what’s gotten into you?”

“You. You’ve gotten into me and I’m not letting you go.” Meeting Ali’s eyes, Ashlyn apologized, “I’m sorry.”

Ali tried to do the same, “No, I’m sorry….” Holding up her hand, Ashlyn began, “Listen to me. I don’t want to ever talk about ‘that’ again. But I’m also sorry for how I acted Christmas Eve. We were both nervous but I should have at least tried harder. I want to satisfy you.”

Ali bowed her head a little embarrassed.

“And next week I’m going to satisfy the hell out of you. I want you to think about that all week but don’t you dare do anything about it. Leave that to me.”

Ali sucked in her bottom lip and peered up. Embarrassment colored her face for a myriad of reasons. “Did I satisfy you? Or did I do it wrong? Or…not good enough?” Her voice had lowered to a whispered as she looked around nervously for anyone that might hear. “I’ve been kind of confused about who’s in charge. I end up getting things started but I don’t know….I like when you’re in control. It turns me on. “

Ashlyn thought for a moment. “I think we got lost trying to trying to respect each other’s boundaries.”

Ali was still speaking softly. “It’s been a couple of years now. And I still feel the same way about you. It’s safe to say that…” Pausing, she looked around again, “You’re the only one I want to make love with.” She blushed around her words but never looked away.

Ashlyn smiled at her honesty. “I shouldn’t have expected anything less from you. I want to work all these things out between us, together, as we go through them. You and me.”

The way Ali smiled made Ashlyn’s face color. "And the answer is yes, Ali, you satisfy me every day."


	3. Possession

  
Ali pulled the stockings to mid way up her thighs and then pulled her maroon dress down and checked the back. It hung just to her knees and tapered a bit. Alyssa helped her pull up the zipper to the sleeveless dress and straightened the back. Standing behind her, looking into the mirror, she commented, “You look amazing. Do you know that?”

  
Smoothing her hands over the dress, she looked at herself in the mirror, “Do you think so? I think I’ve gained weight since I saw her.”

  
Coming around her to stand by her side, Alyssa shook her head, “Oh, no, not at all. You gained good weight.” Peeking around the back, she playfully added, “And you got a popping….”

Swatting at her friend, Ali turned, “Stop that.”

Alyssa laughed, “She’s gonna go nuts when she sees you”

  
Ali smiled, “Thanks, ‘Lys.” When a light knock came on the door, eyes-wide, Alyssa whispered, “I’m happy your girlfriend didn’t beat me into a pulp but I didn’t plan to be here and test our new found friendship.” Ducking behind the bathroom door, she whispered, “I’ll stay at one of the girl’s place tonight. Text me when it’s safe tomorrow. Have fun.”

  
Ali took a few steps toward the door and Alyssa halfway closed the bathroom door and turned off the light. As she reached for the doorknob, she heard Alyssa whisper, “I hope she doesn’t have to pee.”

  
Stifling a giggle, Ali opened the door.

Ashlyn stood waiting for her with a bouquet of red roses surrounded in baby’s breath. “Hello, love.” Their eyes locked and for a brief moment, there was no sound, and no one else existed. Ali took in the blonde’s extremely defined physique and how it had changed since the last time she stood in front of her. The long-sleeved white dress shirt, coupled with the black vest, defined her figure and sculpted arms that held out the bouquet. Ali took the time to let her eyes wander over the long dress pants with the black silk seam running along the side of them. “You look amazing,” she whispered as the subtle scent that she remembered came across the hallway with the flowers. 

  
Ashlyn let Ali scan her when her own breath caught in her chest. She was no longer the young simple teen that she’d met. She’d grown another inch or two and her body had filled itself out. Her curves had become those of a shapely well put together woman. And from the looks of her legs that were well defined by the stockings she wore; she could tell the body underneath was just as strong and muscular as she remembered. The maroon dress hugged her in all the right places and teased the rest perfectly. 

  
Ali brought the flowers up to her face and closed her eyes to breathe in their scent. When she opened them, she smiled at Ashlyn and reached up around her neck for a hug. She stood on her toes and giggled at the height difference now. Ashlyn picked her up and carried her back a few steps into the room as she hugged her in return. Closing the door with her foot behind them, the blonde whispered into her long hair, “I’ve missed you so much I can’t breathe.”

  
Ali was already nipping at Ashlyn’s neck and nibbling along her shoulder. When her mouth bit into the blonde’s neck with her teeth, Ashlyn groaned and let Ali drop down and seated her on the top of the micro fridge against the wall. Pulling her close, she had her hands on her hips and let them drop lower, feeling her muscular ass. Ali had wrapped her legs around Ashlyn’s body tightly when the blonde had dipped her head and found the brunette’s lips. Their kisses hungrily fueled Ashlyn’s roaming hands until she stopped suddenly and backed up an inch to look into Ali’s brown eyes. She instantly bowed her head and blushed when Ashlyn felt through the dress that she wasn’t wearing anything underneath. Tearing herself away from Ali’s mischievous smile, the blonde glanced down at the stockings that ended in a lacey fringe just above her knees that were now exposed. Placing a hand over one knee, she caressed lightly and looked back up into Ali’s eyes that were now a shade darker with desire.

“That’s hot,” she whispered. Her hand over Ashlyn’s, Ali whispered, “Not now.” Jumping down from the edge of the appliance, she called back, “Let me get my shoes…,” taking in a breath, “…in the bathroom.” Ali took a step inside the doorway where Alyssa was holding them out with her other hand covering her eyes and over her face in the dark. Stifling her smile, Ali took them and turned quickly. Slipping them on her feet, she walked over to Ash who she was now an inch closer to in height, reached up and pecked her lips, “I’m ready.”

  
As they reached the car in the parking lot, Ali stopped and turned to look at Ashlyn who was opening the door for her, “Is this…Megan’s car?” Ashlyn shrugged and shook her head, “Not anymore.”   
Climbing into the car to sit, Ali asked, “Did you drive here?”

  
Nodding, Ash smiled, “Yep.”

  
When Ashlyn slid into the driver’s seat beside Ali, she put the key in the ignition and glanced over. The brunette had this look on her face that she couldn’t read. Turning toward her, she asked, “What are you thinking? What’s on your mind?” Ali slid closer and rested her head back against the blonde’s shoulder. When she looked up into her eyes, and whispered, “I really love you, Ashlyn.” Wrapping her arms around her tightly, she kissed the top of her head and leaned back against the seat with her. “When I’m holding you like this, I feel like there’s nothing else in the world that matters. It’s been too long.”

  
Ali nuzzled against her chest, “You make me feel so warm inside.” Taking one of Ashlyn’s hands, she entwined their fingers and held it against her chest. She could feel Ali’s heart beating faster as soon they touched. It made her smile, that the very thought of Ashlyn’s touch made her body react that way. The brunette raised their hands to her lips and kissed the back of Ash’s hand lovingly. It was a sweet gesture that she offered and then sniffled back tears, “I’m so sorry for what I did to you. Please tell me that you forgive me.” When she looked up, her face was tear streaked. “I need to hear you tell me….”

  
Ashlyn couldn’t bear to see her cry. Letting go of her hand, she whispered, “Come here, Ali.”

  
Sliding over in the seat, she pulled Ali up into her lap and she straddled the blonde. Ali had her hands cradling her face softly, gazing into her hazel eyes and getting lost somewhere between them. She leaned closer and gently brushed her lips against Ashlyn’s. The subtle suggestion had Ash gripping her waist tightly with both of her hands. Returning the affection, their lips found a steady dance as they played over each other’s hungry mouth. 

  
“There’s nothing to forgive. But if you need to hear the words, then I forgive you, Ali.” Her hands grasping at the vest tightly, she closed her eyes and bowed her head against Ash, “You’re so much better than me.”

  
Taking a hold of her wrists, Ashlyn held them lightly, “I hate when you say things like that about yourself.” Leaning up and kissing her forehead, Ash asked, “Look at me….”

  
Raising her gaze to meet Ashlyn’s, Ali whispered, “I’m ashamed of what I’ve done to you. I never want you to doubt me or that you can trust me.” 

  
“Ali, I don’t doubt you. The first thing you did was call me.” Running her hands back through her long brown hair, she continued, “I love you. Nothing is going to change that, ever.” Pulling her into a kiss, their lips touched lightly while Ali trailed her fingers along the hairline of the blonde and down to her mouth. Caressing her bottom lip with a finger, until Ashlyn opened her mouth and sucked it in with Ali giggling at her antics. Twirling her tongue around her finger teasingly, Ali’s grip on Ashlyn’s arm tightened. Her eyes halfway closed, Ashlyn could feel her body trembling against her. Leaning into her, she rested down further against her lap and in a soft whisper, she brushed at the blonde’s ear with her lips, “What else can you do with that tongue?”

Ashlyn had a firm grip on her hips that were now undulating slowly against her. The feeling had rendered Ashlyn’s body weak with desire. Her hands trailed to the top of Ali’s thighs and then back up, slowly dipping underneath her dress. As they rose along her hips, the dress creeping slowly along with her hands. Her skin was warm against her hands and Ali’s soft sighs into Ashlyn’s ear had maddened her sanity. The brunette had begun sucking the skin on her neck in small bites sending shockwaves to her center. Dipping her head, Ashlyn found Ali’s lips and deepened a kiss until she had settled herself down into her lap all the way out of weakness. Then whispering in her ear, she softly asked, “Why don’t we go back up to your room? I think I’d like a snack…”

Finding her lips again, Ashlyn ran her tongue along the outside of her bottom lip and then pulled lightly with her teeth, “…because your kisses taste really good.”   
Her breath caught in her chest, Ali nodded. 

  
Her hand fumbled with the key in the lock when Ashlyn kissed the back of her neck and slid her tongue behind her ear. Ali leaned her head forward on the door and the chills ran down her spine and settled somewhere in her belly that was fluttering. “Oh,….Ash…” When she placed her hands firmly around her waist, she slid the key into the lock and turned it quickly, then pushed open the door to the small dorm room. 

  
Ashlyn closed the door behind them and turned the lock. Letting go of Ali’s hand, she turned and stood looking up at Ashlyn. Her eyes had darkened, and her face was colored with a desire she’d never seen before. A hint of fear had found its way into her chest but her want for the beautiful brunette in front of her far outweighed it. She wanted her to feel the pulling passion that she’d been able to give her. The feeling that she’d never forgotten in all this time. Suddenly, the lightbulb went off in her head. She realized what had connected them that night together. Even at her tender age, with fear at the helm, Ali had put that aside to give Ashlyn what she needed most; the closeness and intimacy that would bind them. 

  
Stepping closer, Ashlyn lifted her up and put her back, sitting on top of the micro fridge. She guided her legs up and she wrapped them around her waist. Reaching around her, she pulled the dress up from under her, and hitched it up around her waist. Ali shivered at the sudden cold against her skin and tightened her grasp on Ashlyn’s vest. Pulling on the skinny black tie around her neck, Ali slowly slid her finger between the knot and unraveled it. Letting it fall from one side, she hung it around her own neck and left it there. Ashlyn found her lips again and leaned her back until she was lying down across the flat surface. As she deepened their kiss, cradling her chin, her other hand dropped to her belly and slid down between her thighs. She rested her hand there on her inner thigh until she felt Ali become comfortable with the new sensation. Her breathing had deepened and there was a hesitant pause in her chest that stuttered.

Using her fingertips, Ashlyn ventured them closer to the heat radiating from between her thighs. When she felt moisture pooling beneath her, she stopped and looked into Ali’s brown eyes. Sliding her fingers gently up through her wetness, she watched as Ali’s eyes fluttered closed and her head dropped back to the counter. All that escaped her lips was a soft sigh. Running her fingers gently back and forth over her swollen sensitive anatomy, Ashlyn listened to the high pitched sounds that were coming from her mouth and watched the spasms that had her legs twitching with every movement she made. Ashlyn felt the slick skin leading inside her and realized she’d shaved herself smooth, “Oh, Ali…” Every gentle touch, made her want to hear more. When she used two fingers to slide inside her, it felt natural the way they fit to the curve of her body. 

  
Ashlyn remembered fearing she’d hurt her last time. The hesitancy not returning, with every noise Ali made, Ashlyn craved more. When she began to pump her fingers inside her and then withdraw at a rate that was more than moderate, she felt Ali’s insides compensate and tighten. The moisture began to collect around her hand and Ashlyn wanted nothing more than to be closer. Abandoning her lips that were waning control, she knelt in front of Ali’s display of her womanhood. Not breaking from her fingers stride inside her, she kissed the delicate flesh of her inner thigh and then ran her tongue over her clitoris. She listened to the sounds coming from Ali and the pressure she’d used. Adjusting the speed, she found a rhythm that made Ali’s body shift into a spasm that had her insides twitching with every stroke. Lost in the musky smell of her and falling into an abyss of the sounds that echoed from within, she found herself moaning along with Ali’s pleasure. Her taste melted on her tongue and drew her in closer until she had buried her face against her body, sucking in her clitoris in a sultry pattern that made Ali grasp the back of her head and pull tight fistfuls of her blonde hair as they moved together. 

  
Suddenly, Ali’s body changed again. A flood of moisture bathed Ashlyn’s face and her legs began to tighten around her. Reaching under her with one arm, she secured herself onto her clitoris and strummed her tongue against her anatomy in a way that made Ali begin to cry out softly until it had escalated into her screaming wildly at the strong orgasm that was gripping her insides and washing over her. Her fingers never stopped pumping and her tongue still building to a crescendo of passion, Ashlyn brought her other hand up blindly and found Ali’s mouth. Pushing two fingers into it to stop her loud screaming for fear of security knocking on the door. She wasn’t sure if even then, either of them could be stopped. Ali’s body was shaking violently as Ashlyn began pulling on her swollen clitoris with her lips and her teeth grazing over it. 

  
When she began to fall over the other side of the orgasm, Ash lightened up on the pressure taken from the cue’s in Ali’s grasp on her hair to bring her down. She was relaxing with each lick that calmed her into the hazy aftermath of the pleasure. When her arms dropped to her sides weakly, Ashlyn withdrew her fingers very slowly and kissed her softly before standing. 

  
Her breathing had slowed and she watched as her body came down from the high of the adrenaline, only to spasm and twitch involuntarily every few moments. Ashlyn was sure of two things, looking down at Ali lying before her. One, she loved her with all her heart, because she had no selfish impulse and felt that much needed connection that she now shared with Ali. And two, she wanted to do that again and again until Ali was spent and could bear no more, because it made her insides quiver to know she had that kind of control over making her feel such pleasure. It was the most selfless thing she’d ever done and wanted more. 

  
Reaching up and behind her, Ashlyn unzipped the dress and slid it up and over her head. Unable to resist, she leaned down and kissed her belly that was as soft and smooth as the rest of her. Sliding an arm under her shoulders, she picked her up and carried her to the bed. As she rested her down on the pillow, Ali reached her arms around Ashlyn’s neck and pulled her into a kiss that took both their breath away. Igniting a fire inside her, Ashlyn began kicking off her shoes and Ali was blindly fumbling with the buttons on her shirt collar. 

  
A light knock sounding on the door, Ali giggled when Ashlyn rolled her eyes. “Seriously,” she grumbled. Walking to the door, she opened it as a girl was calling out, “Ali, are you ok? Katie said she heard….” When Ashlyn opened the door, the girl was wide eyed in awe. Ashlyn’s striking eyes held her captive until she smiled a little, showing off her dimple that rendered the girl speechless. “Hey, Ali is A-O.K.” She emphasized using her fingers, “She’ll probably be making those noises a few more times tonight, and then a couple more in the morning. So, no worries. ‘Night, now.”

Closing the door as the girl finally blinked, Ashlyn returned to the bedside. Ali had covered her mouth to stifle her giggle as Ashlyn worked at the buttons on her shirt. Looking down at her, the blonde asked, “What are you laughing at? I wasn’t lying to her.” Watching Ashlyn shed her shirt and unbutton her pants, she pulled the belt from its loops. After setting down her pants carefully, she climbed into bed in a sports bra and tight boxers. She folded the belt and asked, “Would it surprise you that my mind has suddenly uncovered a wildly dirty place I didn’t know I had?” Ali slid her arms around Ashlyn’s neck and pulled her down closer. As her lips found Ashlyn’s, her tongue forced them into a deeper kiss and the blonde settled on top of her body in a comfortable place where she fit perfectly.

Ali had spread her legs enough that Ashlyn could let her grind on her thigh as their kisses became intensely passionate again. Recognizing the familiar sounds, Ashlyn was able to find a place between patterns and position herself between Ali’s legs again. Throwing her legs over her shoulders, she picked up where her pleasure had left off with her thrusting herself between her moist folds and assaulting her clitoris aggressively. Ali let out a cry at the forceful pressure that Ashlyn's face was applying against her and began pushing back slightly but quickly adjusted to the force and quickly had her head thrown back against the pillows. Using her legs over her shoulders as leverage to apply pressure with her mouth, she took two fingers and slid them inside her and quickly found Ali’s mouth to replace them when she started to cry out softly. She couldn’t let it escalate to that level again. Then she took her other hand and found the right combination of fingers to fill her insides when she began to buck against her and her insides tightened. This time, Ali’s orgasm had Ashlyn covering her mouth with her whole hand by the time she came all over her. 

  
When Ali had finally caught her breath and reached for Ashlyn’s hand that covered her mouth, she sighed, “Oh, god. That was incredible.”

  
Ashlyn lifted her head to look up at Ali, “You do have money saved for my bail, right? You’re going to get me arrested.”

  
Ali smiled and caressed her face lightly with her fingers. “I’m pretty sure Abby will pass on your message.” When she blushed at the thought, she covered her face with her hands. 

  
Slowly dragging her fingers out of her body, Ali moaned a little at the absent feeling of longing they left behind in the void. Pulling herself up to Ali, she kissed her cheek and Ali wrapped her arms around her again, nuzzling into her chest. Ashlyn closed her eyes and ran her hands slowly down Ali’s back and rested them cupping her bottom with her hands. Ali’s warm body lying against her in that position, reminded her of the early days when they first started living together. Of how innocent their relationship had been and how young they were. She felt that if she opened her eyes, she’d be back in her old bedroom with the small desk lamp illuminating the room. It reminded her of the overwhelming feelings she had back then for the young girl she held in her arms that was now a young woman. Kissing her shoulder, she whispered, “I love you, Alex.”

  
Lifting her head, she looked up into Ashlyn’s soft hazels and smiled, “I love you, too.” When they started kissing again, Ali had worked her hands into Ashlyn’s boxers and was sliding them off her. She disappeared for a second underneath the sheet and then came back to placing kisses on the blonde’s confused lips. Flipping the sheet off them, Ali settled between Ashlyn’s legs and sat back on her knees. She was wearing her black mid-thigh boxers that she’d stripped off the blonde. The boxers and her black thigh high stockings. “If I remember correctly, this was hot.” She smiled at Ashlyn and laid her body on top of her, kissing her shoulder and then nipping along her neck. Ashlyn put her arms around Ali and nodded, “Yes it was. But I think it’s hotter now.” 

  
“Don’t make me get cross with you.” Taking Ashlyn’s hands, she put them up over her head and reprimanded, “You keep them there out of my way.”

  
“Yes, ma’am.”

  
Ali worked at pushing up the sports bra over her head and took a soft nipple between her lips. Ashlyn immediately gasped and instantly went to lower her arms but thought better of her actions and let them stay put. Ali ended up needing to find other inventive ways to keep Ashlyn quiet when her fingers were too far to reach the blonde’s mouth when she began to scream. Her toes turned out to be a big help combined with her dexterity. 

Not wanting to lose the contact their warm bodies had created together, Ashlyn pulled the blanket up higher to cover her shoulders and keep Ali warm. She kissed the top of her head and pulled her in closer against her. She could feel the rhythmic beating of her heart against her chest. The night would prove to be an intense memory that would forge thoughts of great passion between them and become a torturous thought during lonely nights in the vast distance away from each other. 

  
Her mind wandered and her thoughts were elsewhere when she noticed Ali watching her. “I didn’t know you were awake.” Her smile disarmed her so easily, “What are you thinking?”

  
A smile creeping across her face, Ashlyn shrugged, “I was wondering….” As she rolled Ali onto her back and placed a kiss to her lips, she asked, “Was that eight? I lost count….” Ali buried her face into Ashlyn’s chest to giggle and put her arms around her. Reaching for her hand, Ashlyn took the finger where she still wore the small ring of silver. Sliding it off, Ali tried to protest but Ashlyn held up a finger to shush her. She could see the indentation on her skin where it was slightly discolored, proving she in fact had never once taken it off. Massaging the skin, she apologized, “I’m sorry I put you through that.”

Kissing her finger, she reached above the head of the bed where her pants had been placed. She pulled out a small cloth satchel with a draw string binding it closed, from the pocket. “This won’t turn your finger colors.” Sliding a gold band that looked like a twining of two cords along her index finger, there was a small ruby set at the top. “Rubies represent love and passion. It’s only fitting that it’s your birth stone.” Ashlyn smiled and sealed its new home with a kiss. “It’s you and I, entwined as one. Inside, on the band, I had them engrave our names.” Ali had been watching, chewing softly on her lower lip. When she met Ashlyn’s stare, she smiled so sweetly that she blushed at the gesture. Twining the fingers of the hand with her ring with Ashlyn, she pulled her down to her for a kiss. 

  
When they began to kiss again, Ashlyn ran her other hand over Ali’s belly seductively, which made her moan. When she slid her hand down between her legs and into the warm moisture, Ali sighed softly. “I’m so sensitive there,” she whispered. “It’s going to take a long time for that to stop.”  
Grazing her fingers softly over the sensitive flesh, Ashlyn warned, “I wouldn’t count on me letting it stop anytime soon.”

  
From somewhere in the walls, a voice giggled and called out, “Eleven!”


	4. Once In A Lifetime

_May 5, 2024_

_7:00 am EST_

_Ali waited as her phone attempted to connect the call. She nervously turned the small gold ring on her index finger around and around. When the screen changed colors and Ashlyn’s sleepy face appeared, she smiled, “Good morning.”_

_Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, the blonde smiled with one eye open, “G’morning, love.”_

_Displaying a bit of a pout on her face, Ali apologized, “I’m sorry I woke you.”_

_“What time is it?”_

_“For you, it’s seven am, for me, it’s one pm. I’m getting ready to leave for the game and I wanted to say congratulations. I’m sorry that I can’t be there for your graduation. As soon as classes ended I had to report.”_

_Sitting up in bed and holding the phone closer, Ashlyn was more awake now. “I was hoping you could make it but I understand. It’s hard to get mad when we have to delay our visits for such excellent reasons. I hope you guys win and I hope I hope you crush it.”_

_Ali was smiling as she watched Ashlyn talking on the video call. Every couple of words, the connection would freeze and stutter, leaving Ali filling in the gaps with her imagination. “Thank you.”_

_“What’s the weather like in Germany?”_

_Ali pulled back the curtain of her second floor apartment and Ashlyn could see the people on the street wearing fall sweaters and light outerwear. “It’s like 55 right now. A little chilly but nothing too unbearable.”_

_“You’ll be back in time for that Penn State winter weather.”_

_Ali smiled and nodded, “One more semester.” They were both silent for a brief moment when Ali said what they were both thinking, “I miss you so much.”_

_Ashlyn stopped walking through her house and stopped in the middle of the hallway to look back at Ali, “I miss you too. I don’t even know what my time is going to be like once I report to Sky Blue next week.”_

_“I’m so proud of you. You’re going to have an incredible season.” Ali saw the car pull up to her building as she looked away from the window and back at Ashlyn. “I’m going to watch every game in Paris this summer. When I see you again, you’ll be an Olympic medalist.” The way she bit her bottom lip to hide her feelings and smile through the sadness made Ashlyn homesick for her._

_Ashlyn walked into the common room and sat on the arm of the sofa with her back to the dining area. Ali could see Megan sitting at the table behind her making faces and waving. When Ali giggled, Ashlyn looked over her shoulder. “HI ALI!”_

_Waving back, the brunette called, “Hello, Megan.” Her smile held but Ashlyn could tell she was questioning her decisions._

_“Ali, everyone respects your decision to finish school first instead of coming to Paris. I admit my intentions would be completely selfish if I’d said I wanted you here for any other reason. I know what that degree means to you. You’ll have a master’s degree in Chemical Engineering, and from what ‘lyssa says, you’ll be graduating, Summa Cum Laude”_

_Breaking her gaze with Ashlyn, she bowed her head a little and her face flushed hot with emotion. When she looked back up, she nodded a little while she composed herself. “Thank you,” she whispered through tear filled eyes. “You know if I could have devoted my whole self to the Olympic team, I would have done it in a heartbeat.”_

_“I know, love.” Ashlyn heard a knock on her door and Ali looked toward it briefly then back at the blonde on her screen. She smiled halfway through a crooked gesture. “I have to go,” she whispered._

_“Give ‘em hell,” Ashlyn offered. Choking on her thoughts, she added, “I love you, Ali.”_

_The smile she returned with was bittersweet. Bringing the phone to her lips, she kissed the screen and was able to get out the words, “I love you too, baby.” As she put her hand to the screen, Ashlyn swore she could feel the soft caress of her touch. When the call disconnected, Ash sat with the phone in her lap staring out the window._

_Megan came to her side and asked, “She’s in Europe for the Champions Matches?”_

_Ashlyn nodded silently._

_“She looks amazing,” Megan mumbled as she put the cereal bowl to her mouth and finished the rest of the milk. “Her and that sexy long hair of hers.”_

_Megan had focused on something outside on the street when she became aware of Ashlyn staring at her, “What?”_

_Her voice low and her face dead panned, “If you call my girlfriend sexy again, I’ll rip your arm off and beat you to death with it.”_

_Holding a hand out, Megan backed up, “Alright. Alright. She’s a troll. Jesus. Did you ever notice how her….”_

_Standing quickly, Ashlyn’s chest automatically puffed out and she gave her a hard stare. “Never mind. Nothing. I’m sure you’ve seen it.” Her best friend turned and went back toward the kitchen, and Ashlyn stifled a smile. Ali did look amazing. Her body was toned and in top physical condition. She’d grown into a gorgeous young woman. The way she had her hair pulled up loosely into a pony tail that fell over her shoulders in soft waves made it almost impossible to not notice. Megan was trying to use her humor to make the distance bearable, but it always unleashed a jealous streak inside her that she couldn’t control. Ashlyn didn’t take Megan’s comment seriously but she couldn’t help feel possessive about anyone being able to look at her in the same way. It didn’t seem fair._

_The last time they saw each other in person, Ali cried so hard that Ashlyn promised to call her that evening so they could say ‘goodnight’ to each other. She ended up staying on the phone with her until Ash could hear her even breaths as she slept._

_After her visit in January, their relationship had taken on a whole new vibe. Their phone calls and messages were less autopilot and much more connected and personal. The fact that their academic careers were coming to an end and their lives were about to begin also played a huge part. They could now see the possibility of actually beginning a life together somewhere. When Ashlyn was drafted by Sky Blue, she’d happily accepted the contract with the prospect already well known how deeply in need of a keeper they were. It reassured her._

_Calling from the kitchen, Megan asked, “You want some lunch? I’m making grilled cheese.”_

_Turning to scan the kitchen wall clock, Ashlyn questioned, “Didn’t you just finish breakfast?”_

_“Yeah, so?”_

_Taking a few steps closer, Ashlyn gave her a hard stare, “What’s going on with you? You eat like this when….” Pausing when she heard the shower start, she continued, “When you’ve been up all night and you promised no more girls on weeknights or you’re worried about something.”_

_Megan laughed a little too heartily and sat on the edge of the table. “Come, sit down. Will you?” Her tone became very sober very quickly and Ashlyn did as she was told. The times that her friend spoke seriously were usually life altering._

_“Are you thinking about marrying Ali anytime soon?” The question came completely out of left field. “I know you gave her that version of a ‘promise ring’ and well, it just seems like things aren’t slowing down.”_

_Ash seemed to be torn in her thoughts. Megan immediately read her wrong and panicked, “Oh, god, you already asked her, didn’t you? I didn’t….”_

_“Hey, slow down. That’s not what I was stuck on. When I think about spending my life with Ali, it’s always just that, it’s us together. The word ‘marriage’ was never in my vocabulary. I don’t know why. It just seems unnecessary. We’ve been together for years and I can’t imagine needing a piece of paper or an official label to define us.”_

_“Did you ever ask Ali how she feels about that?” Megan was still very serious._

_Sitting stiffly at the small table, the blonde shook her head. “We both come from broken and abusive homes, I guess I assumed that….” As the words left her lips, she raised her eyebrows, “No. I haven’t.”_

_Opening her laptop, Megan said, “Read it.” Then she started to walk out of the kitchen but stopped to put a hand on her shoulder. “I’ll see my guest out. Then we can talk if you want.”_

_There was a beautiful candid picture of Ali that someone had taken from the athletics department. The University did a cover story that was the title page for a story the science and technology department had run:_

****

**_When The Sky Has No Limit: A Rising Senior 2.0 (Profile: Alexandra Krieger) Class of 2024_ **

**_Chemical Engineering: Focus-Foods and Additives_ **

_Chemical engineers study mathematics, energy and mass transfer, thermodynamics, fluid mechanics, separation technology, matter and energy balances, and other topics of engineering, plus they study chemical reaction kinetics, process design, and reactor design. A chemical engineer needs to be analytical and meticulous and mostly work in offices or laboratories._

_If that sounds like something that might require a little extra study time in the library, you’re right. Factor in that today, only about 14% of Chemical Engineers in the workplace are female, it shows you that there’s a lot of drive behind this young woman. This year’s master’s candidate is one of 11 Penn State graduate students in 2024 who were selected for the National Science Foundation Graduate Research Fellowship Program (GRFP), given to students who have “potential for significant research achievements.” An impressive accomplishment, one that is even more impressive when considering she is doing it over a year sooner while having been recruited and playing Division I Soccer for the women. Her athletic resume is certainly a list of some of the most prestigious accomplishments. * (see below)_

_We sat down with Alexandra Krieger, who took a red shirt with the team this semester, to finish her fellowship requirements in the lab before graduating at the end of this year at the top of her game in the classroom and on the field. We asked her to step away from the lab to ask some hard-hitting questions about life and it’s meaning after grad school for one of the most brilliant minds on campus:_

**_How did you decide on Chemical Engineering?_ ** _I always liked knowing the cause and effect at play between two variables. Being able to develop my own equation in my field was intriguing._

**_Did you actually turn down a roster spot on the Summer Olympic team to finish your schooling?_ ** _Yes. I wanted to devote my time to completing a theory that I feel could make a significant impact in the way we protect our crops during extreme weather. It wouldn’t be fair to either endeavor to split time. I like to stay focused on one thing at a time. My education comes first._

**_Do you have time for any kind of social life? Is there a special someone?_ ** _As you can imagine my time is limited. I haven’t really had time for a relationship or anything that resembles one. I don’t see that changing anytime soon._

**_Is your family proud of your accomplishments? Do they support you?_ ** _My support system is unwavering. My decisions have always gone without challenge. I owe who I am today to the very heart of that support. I wouldn’t be here without it._

**_Where do you see yourself in ten years?_ ** _In my lab, making advances that will be a productive factor to feeding the world’s hungry._

**_Out of the impressive resume listed below, which do you hold in the highest regard?_ ** _The sportsmanship award for my first tournament. The actions I was chosen for and what it represents will stay with me for my lifetime. I hope I can always stay connected to that piece of who I am._

**_Soccer Accolades Academic Accolades_ **

6 First Team All-Conference Selections High Deans Award 7 semesters

2 MVP Tournament Selections Full Tuition Scholarship based on GPA

10 Varsity Letters National Science Foundation Fellowship 

4 National Athlete of the Year Awards 3 Science and Technology Awards

3 NCAA National Championships 3 Bright Future STEM Scholarships

3 Second Team All-Conference Awards Valedictorian H.S.

3 Youth National Championships master’s candidate (summa cum laude)

2 NYST National Youth Soccer Team 2 Summer Champion League (Euro Division)

1 Sportsmanship Award Independent Summer STEM Course Award

2 State HS Championships

2 National HS Athlete Awards

_Ashlyn finished reading and wondered how Ali was able to form coherent sentences. Looking over her accomplishments and thinking back over what she’d gone through to get there, she didn’t know if she could have done it herself. But what was Megan all fired up about? Lying about her relationship status couldn’t be what she focused on._

_When Megan walked into the kitchen, she had her hands tucked into the pockets of her jeans and looked honestly distressed. Sitting across from Ashlyn, she briefly looked up, “I’m sorry I had to be the one to show you that.”_

_“What exactly do you think that you’re showing me?”_

_Pointing defensively and raising her voice, she shouted, “Right there! She says she’s not dating and sees herself in a lab, alone, married to her beakers and shit.”_

_Laughing at her heated display, Ash stood and comforted, “You’re right. I’m glad you showed me this. It’s better I find out now that she’s marrying her beakers and shit.” Holding her face as straight as she could for as long as she could, she ended up snorting out a laugh that infuriated Megan beyond reason and then she lost her shit completely, “DO YOU NOT SEE THAT SHE’S CHOOSING THIS SCIENCE CRAP OVER SOCCER AND YOU’LL NEVER HAVE ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP WITH HER! SHE TURNED DOWN THE WNT TWICE! THEY CAN TAKE A HINT YOU KNOW?”_

_Wide-eyed, Ashlyn lowered her voice and attempted to reel her back in, “Ok, I hear you. When I get the next chance, I’ll talk to her. She’s on a plane right now and has knock out games the next 2 weeks. I’m not going to give her the full court press right now.”_

_Shaking her head, Megan countered with, “Dude, don’t patronize me!”_

_“I’m not. What’s got you so fired up?”_

_“We run in small circles. You hear things. I don’t want to see you get hurt over her again.” Megan was holding something back._

_“What have you heard?”_

_“I’m not going to worry you over a rumor.”_

_“Well then this whole conversation was pointless, because you did that anyway.”_

_“Look, I just don’t want this chic playing with your head every time something big comes up for you and you end up blowing it.”_

_Slapping the laptop closed, Ashlyn slid it across the table. “Thanks for looking out for me. Means a lot.”_

_When she turned her back and started to walk away, Megan grumbled, “Oh, now I’m a bitch?”_

_Turning quickly on her heel, Ashlyn barked, “How can you call her ‘some chic’? You act like you haven’t been there…like you don’t know. Do you think she’s playing a game? Megan, you know every sordid detail of my life. And I mean everything. All the way down to how she makes my toes curl.” Megan stifled a smile as she looked away. “There’s only two people on this planet who know those details. You being one of them, why are you disrespecting her?”_

_“I just need to know your head’s in the game. Our game. In Paris. And not with her game. In Rome.”_

_“Jealousy isn’t a good color on you. Do you think that little of me?” Ashlyn was hurt with the insinuation._

_“I just know that I see you drop everything on a dime whenever she has a crisis and go running off.”_

_“How can you say that? I thought she was dead.”_

_“Then you knew she wasn’t.” Megan listened to the silence that had no response._

_“What was so important that you had to blow off the winter weekend game?” Ashlyn narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “You thought if you went up there and fucked her real good you wouldn’t lose her to Alyssa?” Anger flashed across her face at the possibility of the thought. “Give her a ring and that’ll make it all better?”_

_Balling her fist, Ashlyn took three quick steps and stopped. She could hear her heart pounding in her ears with anger coursing through her veins. “Why do you trivialize what’s between us like that? Say what you mean or shut up about her.”_

_Megan was still standing in the same spot unwavering. She never backed away when Ashlyn appeared ready to charge her. Her chin out, she put a hand on her hip, “It’s getting hard to see where she ends, and where you begin.”_

_Ashlyn wasn’t sure Megan was able to put her concerns into words that would make sense. Stopping long enough to see that her friend had the best of intentions, she tried to let that comfort her. Megan wouldn’t be saying things about Ali to piss her off or be hurtful. Holding on to that thought she softened her face and took in a breath. “Alright, what do you suggest?”_

_Seemingly shocked at her sudden acquiescence, Megan furrows her brows a little, “Check in with her on the serious stuff. Not just the ‘I love you’ after sex.”_

_Shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other, Ashlyn slid one hand into her sweatpants pocket and asked while diverting her eyes, “You know we’ve really only had sex like one and a half times, technically.”_

_Waving her hand, Megan pleaded, “Let’s not get into that whole thing again. You know what I’m trying to say, right?”_

_“I believe so. Let me just ask you this…have you heard that, she’s cheating on me, or she’s been lying to me about anything and leading me on about something that’s contradictory to what I believe?”_

_Counting in her head and appearing to do math and nod at her results, Megan shook her head, “No? But I feel like I have to warn you and I don’t know why?”_

_“Jesus Christ, you’re stoned. And if you’re not, you need to be. But I hear you.”_

_Taking a deep breath, Megan nodded. “That’s all I wanted.” Her tone had returned to its coolly aloof and annoying blasé._

_Shaking her head to herself, she closed her eyes. Then, looking around the room, at the boxes, the last remnants of her life here, she sighed. Scratching the back of her neck, she asked, “So we’re still on track for the morning? We leave bright and early…set up in NJ. God, New Jersey.”_

_“Yes, siree, Bob.” Megan added, “All you need to do is pick up that fancy piece of paper tonight.”_

_Pulling out her phone, Ash checked the time._

_“Right. Soon as we get there, we sign the papers. The place is ours. We can renew the lease when we need to.”_


	5. Reflections

_Reflections_

_July 6, 2024_

_Paris, France_

_The first day the team arrived was relaxed. They arrived early that morning and the next couple days would be spent adjusting to the time change and getting on track with the world around them. In the coming days, there would be media interviews, training and meetings to plan out their time there._

_Gathering in the conference room that evening after dinner, everyone was interested in watching what had become the premier talent pool for up and coming American footballers. The expansion of the NWSL over the years, and its growing popularity, was no longer able to accommodate the level of talented players looking to join the league. The 24 teams of the NWSL had partnered, somewhat, into using the Summer Euro Champions as its minor league of sorts._

_Ashlyn had been following along to every game and the height of the excitement had built to this. The final championship game and Ali was in it. The European Champions League had hyped itself up into grandiose sponsors and with the momentum that women’s soccer had gained, the championship this summer was unmatched in popularity, save for the impending Olympic games. Ali’s team, Tel-Tonic Luxembourg, is in the finals against Poly Costa-Vienna._

_Ashlyn was fairly new on the WNT and didn’t have the relationships that seemed to run deep on the team. Even though she was familiar with some faces, she was still keeping herself on the down low about her personal life and ‘troubled past.’ There seemed to be no reason to drag it along with her anymore._

_Taking up a seat, fairly close to the front of the room, she nervously waited for the pre-game. As people filed in, she smiled and greeted everyone she’d become friendly with and gave hugs to those that she’d begun budding friendships so easily. She whole-heartedly enjoyed the environment and thrived on its momentum among the women. It had been a very easy transition so far._

_Megan had plopped herself down beside Ashlyn on the sofa and smiled up, “Hey, roomie.” Pushing her face away, Ashlyn rolled her eyes, “Don’t you ever get tired?”_

_Laughing, as she tossed some popcorn in her mouth, she shook her head in the annoyingly animated way she liked to do just to get under her friend’s skin, “Honey, if you don’t know me by now….”_

_“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” She shushed her and focused back on the screen that was playing a commercial for something in French that neither of them spoke. Leaning over, Megan whispered, “So what’re they selling?”_

_Looking down at the girl, Ashlyn’s left eye twitched a little, “I don’t know.”_

_“Then why’re we watching so intently?” She nodded to make her point. “Relax.”_

_Resting her head back on the sofa, Ashlyn side-eyed her, “Am I gonna have to punch you?”_

_Pretending to zip her mouth, Megan rested her head back quietly._

_When Alyssa walked halfway past, she saw the empty cushion beside Ashlyn. Pointing, she asked, “You mind? I really want to watch this…” Scooting a little, Ashlyn waved, “Sure. Have a seat.” Shooing Megan off her hip, she gestured for her to make room. When Alyssa sat back with a bottle of water gripped tightly in her hand, she took a swallow and asked, “You talk to her lately?” Shaking her head, Ashlyn answered, “Not since she got there in May. You?”_

_“Once in June before the bracket tournament started. She said she feels good. They’re a good group together.”_

_When the announcers came on the screen and began talking, everyone shushed each other as they started running through the teams and their roster. Tel-Tonic seemed to be the odds-on favorite largely in part to Ali and another American named Becky. They talked about the strategy involved with their game play as well as the structure they followed on the field. The seamless game play was making opposing teams look foolish. Ali was the front runner for the esteemed MVP if their team won, with her scoring 12 goals over the course of the whole tournament with 15 assists. The ridiculously unheard-of statistics had the room silent when they began to run a promo of Ali with her background._

**_The announcer began, “A twenty-year-old grad student from Penn State University is set to graduate with a master’s in chemical engineering a full year early with the highest of Latin honors. But the soccer phenom is no stranger to success.”_ **

_As the introduction began to play, Ashlyn could hear some of the girl’s comments around the room:_

_“Ooh, she’s a brain.”_

_“Penn State?”_

_“...I’m pretty sure she’s “Lyssa’s roommate.”_

**_Alexandra Krieger chose academics this summer for the second time around, courteously declining an invitation to the Women’s National Team for the second year in a row.”_ **

_“’Lyss, you know her, right?” Someone from the back called._

_Nodding, she called back, “Yeah.” Only glancing over at Ashlyn in passing._

_The intro began with some old footage of Ali playing in the Youth National Team Championship game that she never wanted to talk about. It showed her flying up the field and scoring goals at an exaggerated rate. She seriously looked like she had wings on her heels, and the way she controlled the ball was elaborately skilled. Ashlyn watched with a smile on her face, at a time before she knew Ali, and a time most likely before she knew of the horrors to come. She was a child, running free, bound only by her own imagination with dreams that lived in the clouds._

_Then, they began to show footage from the tournament her junior year. Sliding down in her chair, Ashlyn prayed no one recognized her. When the footage they began showing was of the mercy Ali displayed against Alyssa, she slid down on the sofa and leaned her head against the blonde’s shoulder as well. Both hiding from embarrassment. Interestingly, no one seemed to put the pieces together. They were more focused on the story about Ali and her sportsmanship. There was a quick interview with her from ESPN after that first game and for a brief second, you could see Ashlyn beside her but again, it was brief enough, and it passed with her unscathed._

_Ashlyn watched smiling, remembering how young she looked. Then they started showing more recent footage of her in college. The commentary was flattering and dismissed any of her home life troubles. Ali had done a good job with her P.R. skills. The room was silent listening to the announcers talking about her during her game film and then again when there was a post-game interview. Ali always spoke with ease and appeared light, happy and gracious. It was hard to not get lost in her smile. Her presence created a calm._

_As the comments around her continued, Ashlyn didn’t hear anything negative or judgmental. At least not until they cut to an interview from this week. A reporter asked her why she didn’t want to play with the national team and Ali simply answered that she didn’t think it was her time to be there. Some things are more important, and her education came first._

_There were mixed reviews and commentary on that statement. Everyone had an opinion but none of their responses were out of anything other than personal preference. While playing for your country was still an extreme honor, it also cut down on your options to showcase and stay active in the field if you haven’t committed to an NWSL team. There was a delicate balance that you shift into one stream or another, never knowing which would send you into a dry bed of lax opportunity. Some called it shrewd business while other thought it selfishly tarnishing the game. Whichever avenue you took, Ashlyn felt if you deserved recognition, the spotlight would find you along with the offers to play. As the game evolved, there was an ever changing litany of unspoken rules you shouldn’t break thereby committing sin again the purest form of the game. Unfortunately, unspoken and written rules made it hard to discern which one were in fact damaging or worthy of upholding. The latter left sides to be taken and lines to be crossed._

_Ashlyn watched Ali talking and began to sit up slowly as she spoke, focusing on the flesh colored band aid over her right-hand index finger. Because Ali spoke with her hands and no one really watched the flailing limb, they opted to look at her face which expressed a thousand thoughts. Megan noticed her shift in attention as did Alyssa and they all were wondering the same thing._

_Megan sat back and was able to catch Alyssa’s eyes and point to her behind her back then at her ring finger silently mouthing, “WTF”. Alyssa shrugged silently and returned her attention to the screen. When the commercial broke in, most of the team buzzed about Ali and if she’d take up a serious invite after graduation in December. Conversations had begun with Alyssa now, who had firsthand experience, because they played together and were roommates. It was incredibly uncomfortable talking about Ali with Ashlyn sitting beside her, and any time she found herself smiling, she had to tamp it back down so she didn’t appear overzealous in her thoughts. A couple of the girls had noticed the change in Alyssa while she talked but more so, a whole lot more noticed Megan’s silence on the topic._

_Ashlyn wanted to grab the remote and rewind the footage back just to look at Ali and listen to her talking again. She missed her so much it made her ache. Seeing her on video calls was one thing, but watch her talk in HD 4K OLED, ugh, it was almost too much. She could see the scattered freckles that trickled along her neck and remembered kissing each one while they held each other. Stopping her thoughts, she rested her head back and looked up at the ceiling and tried to focus on the uneven shapes that some of the speckled tiles formed. Fuuuck, she hated this. Was this the level of frustration that Ali had felt when she had her moment of indiscretion with Alyssa? She hated to admit that she was understanding the impulse._

_Glancing over at the younger keeper, she waited for a break in the conversation to just nod a little to let her know things were ok between them. Smiling crookedly, it was obvious that her body relaxed slightly at the gesture._

_She listened to Alyssa talk about Ali in a way that was obviously too flattering. It wasn’t long before she was being teased about her crush on the hot new soccer phenom. When the game began, Alyssa had settled back into the sofa cushion praying to disappear. She knew deep down that the blonde beside her was counting the seconds until she got her alone._

_The starting XI for both sides came onto the field with thunderous applause and Ashlyn was grateful for the coverage that afforded her this lavish luxury. Apparently, the cameramen thought so too, because they did seem to focus on the Americans a lot, which was fine with her. As some of the commentators spoke, one of them made reference to Ali’s hand. As the camera zoomed in, Ashlyn’s stomach turned when she was able to clearly see one of her fingers was discolored and swollen. The band aid covered her ring that she had vehemently argued with staff about wanting to cut off her hand after someone slammed it in a cab door. They were able to ascertain that it wasn’t broken but the ring should come off. Ali had protested so much that she chose to sit out one of the practices leading up to the final match because she refused to give in._

_Ashlyn realized she didn’t know how Ali had gotten away with anything for so long. Bowing her head, she realized she was going to watch an embarrassing battle of wits because her knuckleheaded girlfriend wouldn’t give in. Ashlyn cringed realizing she was going to get thrown out of the game over principles. Bowing her head, she covered her face with her hand. She felt Alyssa bravely place a hand on her knee in comfort and was caught up in still listening to the announcers talk about the no jewelry rule._

_Now the conversation in the room had shifted to Ali’s personal life. Alyssa withdrew her hand and shrank back in the chair again attempting to avoid any sticky conversation regarding her roommate’s affairs. A poor choice of words, Alyssa noted in her head._

_When Ali went to the center as the captain to represent for the team, the referee began questioning her immediately about her hand. Holding it out briefly, she waved it off and shook her head. The referee took a step closer and everyone began trying to read lips as she and Ali began having words. Half the people in the room had begun questioning what was of such sentimental value that she’d let it jeopardize the game. At one point, the camera focused on Ali, and you could clearly see her say ‘that’s my choice’ as she pointed to herself. The visual conviction she carried left most people in the room speechless regarding her integrity. When she threw her hands out and shook her head ‘no’, she silenced the rest._

_Seemingly when she’d had enough, Ali stepped around her teammate who had attempted to add a buffer between the two. She appeared to lean in with her back to the camera and show the referee her hand to which she nodded and then that was the end of it. The announcers were left confused as to what had occurred and continued guessing about the outcome which had Ali still on the field._

_Watching the game, from the second the whistle blew, the intensity never wavered. Conversation in the room silenced and shifted to game play. As soon as the ball was active, Ali took control of the ball and it seemed as if her altercation had fueled her into a frenzy of kinetic energy that had her lofting a ball past the defender and into the net before anyone realized she’d set for a kick after one touch._

_She turned almost calmly and retreated a few steps before a mischievous smile curled the corner of her mouth and it made Ashlyn almost giggle because she’d seen it before. She remembered the first time it had gotten her scolded in class when Ali wouldn’t stop making that face and Ms. Rizzo had kept them after class because of the uncontrolled laughter. Ash could see several of the girls in the room smiling at the way her personality charmed them. Many of the girls on the field with her were smiling in a way that told Ashlyn, they were most definitely a cohesive group. She had found someplace that she fit in. She understood the reasons for her decisions now and in that brief moment, she understood the inclination._

_Ali seemed to flawlessly be in tune with the other young American Becky. The way they worked the field at times appeared criminal. She wasn’t quite sure how they had formed such a symbiosis between them. They looked more like a well-choreographed waltz as they played across the field in tandem. It was rare that either of them had to even look or motion to the other for placement before a pass was made. They anticipated each other in such a way that words or even gestures became unnecessary._

_By the half, it was 10 – 1. Ali had six goals, Becky had four, and each of them assisted the other respectively. Megan had gotten so into the game at one point, she screamed, “Have that girl tested because she’s on fire!”_

_Ashlyn laughed along with most of the room and found herself enjoying watching the soccer game a lot more than she had in years. During the break, conversation had fallen back to what they could have done if Ali and Becky had chosen the national team. Ashlyn listened and noticed Andonovski standing close by listening. When he caught her eye, he nodded quietly, “She’s doing quite well.” Ashlyn nodded and smiled a little, trying not to call too much attention to their words. “Quite well, indeed.” He’d walked away slowly leaving Ashlyn thinking about Megan’s words and wondering just how small their circles were. He knows they went to school together and he knows they’re close. She wondered just how much more he knew and if it mattered. He kept offering opportunities that she kept declining and he wondered if there would come a time that he would question her about Ali’s intent._

_There was brief mention at the half about Ali’s hand and that the conversation remains a mystery because the referee and Ali declined halftime interviews regarding its nature._

_As the final minutes ticked down, it became obvious which side of the line the European crowd had chosen to stand. The madness that ensued at the end of the game with the on-field celebration was unmatched by anything that had been seen. The players rushed the field, followed by the media and shortly thereafter, security lost control and the crowd followed suit. Ashlyn was searching frantically through the sea of people as the cameras panned over the events taking place on the field. Confetti spewed from the heavens over the clusters of people that were either celebrating, trying to regain order and the many that fell somewhere in between._

_After what quickly became a media circus along with breaking news cutting in on most channels, the cameras were at last able to find groups of players that had collected either at the sidelines with family or with other players alongside media and security. Ali and Becky were by the tunnel entrance with security, and the cameraman found himself without a reporter to ask questions, so the impromptu interview was set off with shouting over crowds over running the audio at times._

**_“How about that 18 – 1 score?”_ ** _Ali and Becky were straining to hear him. Looking to Becky, Ali smiled, “I think we found a good rhythm.” Becky nodded, “Once we figured out what we needed to do, there was no turning back.” Ashlyn was watching Becky speak and then she sat up so quickly she nearly fell onto the floor._

_A crest of people flooded between the camera and the players who were standing by their coach and some security. It took a few minutes for them to be cleared out of the way and Ashlyn could see security standing between Ali and a fan who were talking. Security was pulling on him and Ali was trying to sooth the excitement of the situation. Ashlyn watched her take a marker and sign the young man’s tee shirt before he turned and walked away with the guard behind a gate. When someone fell from the overhead enclosure and almost landed on the girls, they were ushered further back into the tunnel and the camera cut away to an overhead shot of the crowd again which seemed to be clearing from the field._

_Ashlyn sat up and shook her head, “I can’t believe I’m watching this.”_

_Megan had leaned forward on her knees and was watching closely, “They’re ok now. They got them.” Patting Ash’s knee, she continued, “They’re safe.”_

_“Jesus, I don’t think they get to hoist their trophy today, do you?” Alyssa’s comment had tumbled out before she could stop it. “That was intense,” she laughed out. Looking over at Ashlyn, she bowed her head a little, “You alright?”_

_Ash met her concerned stare and nodded, “I need a drink.”_

_Letting out a breath, Alyssa reminded, “Not everyone here should be drinking yet but I’ll join you for the company.”_

_Before Ash answered, Megan questioned, “Can I get in on that? I’m lonely and feeling rejected?”_

_“Jesus, where’d you pick her up?”_

_Ashlyn snorted at Alyssa’s sass and nodded, “Yeah, let’s go find someplace to get cozy.”_

_The three of them found themselves sitting on the roof, perched on the cement edging, enjoying the view. The sun was beginning to set and the colors that cast along the horizon were majestic. “See that kiddos,” Megan announced. “It’s the world at our feet.” Taking another swallow from the wine bottle, she passed it to Ashlyn._

_Taking another sip, the blonde smiled a little. Shaking her head to herself, she mumbled, “’Lys, do you know who Becky is? Did you know that was who she was playing with?”_

_Her eyes narrowed as she took the offered bottle. Taking a swallow, Alyssa shrugged, “Who is she?”_

_Stumbling back, Megan sat on the ground, “The suspense is killing me.” Her head perched in her hands; Megan looked up at Ashlyn as she waited for the punch line._

_Exaggeratedly holding her hand out, Ashlyn said, “That’s the fabled #9, from the red team. That Texas bitch that took Ali out in the last game. You remember her?”_

_Alyssa handed her back the bottle that was three quarters empty and looked at Ashlyn and tried to focus on the one in the middle, “Noooo waaay. She wuz the wersst.” Ashlyn took the bottle and sat down beside her friends, and nodded, “Yup. That was her.” When the two collapsed beside each other rolling around on the ground in a fit of uncontrolled laughter, Megan sat up a little and mumbled, “I don’t get it.”_

_Picking up the wine bottle, she finished off its contents and shook her head, “Neither you both are how you tell a story.” When she hiccupped loudly followed by a belch, Alyssa looked up at her from the ground. “I love that story,” she crooned._

_“What story?” Megan frowned._

_“The one where Ashlyn falls in love with Ali.”_

_Rolling onto her side to face Alyssa, Ashlyn asked, “Whaddyouknow about it?”_

_Immediately, Megan started bouncing on her knees, “Oh, tell me. Tell me.”_

_“Ali was a damn girl in dis dress,” she mumbled._

_“Damsel,” Ashlyn corrected. “In distress.”_

_Alyssa was beyond drunk, “That’s what I said, in dis dress. And Ash comes along and sweeeeps her off her feet. Wiskssss her away….and they fall in loooove.” Her exaggeration of the words ‘wisk’ and ‘love’ was so animated, that it dripped with a shimmery sugar coating._

_Lying beside them now, Megan began to clap, “That’s beautiful, man. Just beautiful.”_

_No one really knows how much time went by, but before dawn, the morning light was just beginning to appear when Ashlyn’s alarm went off. They had 20 minutes to get to team meeting. The three of them sat up slowly holding their heads and moaning. Megan tried to stand and vomited over the side of the wall before she could realize what she was doing. As soon as she realized what she’d done, the other two scrambled to their feet to get off the roof as soon as humanly possible. Descending the steps three at a time, they retreated to their rooms to make themselves presentable. Today would certainly be interesting._


	6. Getting Away With It

One by one, Megan, Ashlyn and Alyssa slowly found their way downstairs to get something for breakfast before finding their way into the conference meeting room where they all watched the game the night before. While staggering in separately, they still carried the same hungover badge that was on full display to the rest of the team. 

  
Ashlyn had carefully navigated around the bacon and sausages at the buffet and found herself sitting at a small table along the side of the room, her hand clasping at the paper take out cup filled with juice. Holding her head in her free hand, she worked at lulling her head away from the pounding. A few people had noticed her stealthy entrance and let it go unchallenged until Alyssa appeared in the doorway looking so green that her friend, Emily approached her quietly, “Are you ok? You look like twice run over shit.”

  
Alyssa only glanced up briefly before she quickly slid into a chair alongside of Ashlyn to which the blonde begged under her breath, “Please don’t shake the table.” Her vocabulary styled moan made Alyssa rest her head down on her arms that were stretched on the table. There were two large groups sitting at separate tables talking about the pictures in the morning newspaper and watching the news on the television which had broadcast the trophy and awards ceremony after all. 

  
Most of their teammates were going through the pictures between T.V. news stories, talking about what had happened, what they think was happening and what they thought the newspaper article said. Most of the girls that had taken French in school were only able to clumsily guess around the cover story. 

  
Peering out from her hunched state, Ashlyn watched the trophy presentation. The team was finally able to take the makeshift stage which had been reinforced with a solid line of police presence. Along the edges of the field, there stood another line of uniformed men guarding against another swell from the crowd. The girls were so excited with their win, they had seemingly forgotten the madness that had occurred 55 minutes earlier and were just as animated when they finally got their chance. 

  
The channel showed a quick shot of Ali being presented with the award for MVP as she stood with a few close teammates at her side. Although she remained mostly composed, it was obvious how emotional she was about receiving it. Her smile was pulled slightly by her attempt to not become a tearful mess. After she was given the award, she jumped down from the stage on the field, smiling, and ran to the stands. She climbed some rolled covering and reached up to hug Mr. Russell and his spouse, Paul, who were waiting there at the edge. Ashlyn watched her teacher reach into his bag and pull something out, handing it to Ali. When she retrieved it, she hugged him tightly again and then turned, placing the light blue UNC cap on her head backwards and returned to the field with her team.

It was then, Ashlyn noticed everyone who was holding the newspapers, pointed to the cover picture. The newspaper cover photo beside the one of the team holding the trophy on stage, was a closer one of Ali wearing the UNC hat, tears streaking her smiling face. For the most part, they’d been able to translate the cover caption, “American Reign in Rome”

  
Alyssa looked back at Ashlyn quickly to smile as best she could through her nausea. The blonde felt a wave of happy emotions course through her that gave her chills. It was the sweetest thing she could have done. She knew that somewhere in Italy last night, Ali was telling her how much she really loved her and was thinking of her. 

  
Then it happened. The moment was gone. As Megan stumbled through the door, someone questioned, “Pinoe, you went to UNC.” Before the girl could confirm, deny or figure out what they were talking about, someone else questioned, “Ash, you just came from there, right?”

  
Ashlyn had sat up a little straighter in the chair and nodded, “Yeah.” 

  
When the coach and his assistants came into the room, everyone quickly dropped the papers and focused on the front of the room, many walking to their own chairs and tables in groups.  
‘Coach’ stood at the front of his audience smiling and asked, “It’s been quite an interesting chain of events that’s occurred over the last day. Exciting, to say the least.” He scanned the faces, smiling back and nodding until he came to three very washed looking faces, making a poor attempt at blending in.

  
Alyssa’s face deepened with embarrassment and she sank down in the chair praying she’d disappear. Ashlyn stared back stoically, her attempt was solid but she was fooling no one. Megan hadn’t bothered to even look up. There was no use playing the game. 

  
“As exciting as last night’s events were, for some more than others,” stopping to gaze at the trio, he slowly walked across the spans of the room. His hands, fixed behind his back, he asked, “Were you inspired by the performance of your counterparts?” 

  
Everyone nodded and confirmed the excitement of the game and resumed talking about the news program and discussing the newspaper pictures. ‘Coach’ joined in with many of the conversations, seemingly, making a point. “Were you all watching how a fluid game play on the field can change everything?”

  
Finally, he clapped his hands, and announced, “I’ve planned a very relaxed workout today, much to the delight of some, however, an important one.” Megan snapped her head up at the sound. “I thought we might be able to borrow,” using his hand to define the size, “a little bit of that special energy from the field last night. When we get out to the training facility today, we will have the pleasure of hosting Luxembourg’s Americans, while we practice. The two have graciously agreed to spend some time with us, an impromptu meet and greet, if you will.” 

  
Checking his watch, he reminded, “Bus leaves at nine am sharp.” Tapping his watch, he smiled as he nodded one last time. 

  
The majority of the room left quickly to get ready for the departure. Emily was still sitting beside Alyssa, leaning in close, “Are you alright?” Ashlyn was still watching the broadcast on the news which was replaying footage of the ceremony from last night. ‘Coach’, stood at the rear entrance of the room with two players discussing the newspaper article they were thumbing through. Megan had slipped out the side door with most of the others. Hopefully to hydrate. Alyssa was still cautiously leaning on the table, mumbling she was fine. The two of them slowly rose from the table and Emily followed her friend out of the room. 

  
When Ashlyn and Andonovski were the only two remaining, he stood a moment just watching. Then, he began his slow approach while asking, “You’re alright for today?” She nodded with half a smile and not much conviction behind it. 

  
“You realize now that it was your information I was collecting by the time of your high school’s tournament that year. I was making an attempt to not interfere with your college recruitment and scholarship. Had we spoken on an official level, it would be easy for them to question your loyalties.”

  
Ashlyn smiled as she remembered spotting him on the field, believing that he was watching Ali. “Yes, I honestly thought you were watching someone else.” Still casually walking closer to her table, he laughed, “An accidental discovery that day, yes. I’m not really sure she would have been on my radar had it not been for you.” As he approached her table, he slowly slid out the chair that Alyssa had been using. Sitting across from her, he smiled, “Quite a happy coincidence. She was extremely humble for such a young girl. I was pleased to see we already had a file for her in the system from the youth team.”

  
Ashlyn’s focus wandered out a little as she remembered seeing the footage and it curled the corner of her mouth into a smile. “You’re still very close,” he more stated than questioned. Her focus returning to meet his stare that was now on her, she honestly nodded, “Yes, we are.” The moment only lingered silently for a brief time, he stood slowly, “Please make sure the other two are hydrated as well.” 

  
Once she was left alone, she began to realize that she was going to get to see Ali and congratulate her. Standing, she took a breath to steady a little. 


	7. Chapter 7

  
All of the stretching, warm ups and prep for practice were just coming to an end. Ashlyn and Alyssa were walking toward the end of the field with 3 other goalies to begin some light drills. The rest of the team had splintered off into positional groups to start working as well. 

  
Across the field suddenly, there was loud cheering. A large group of reporters had begun to collect around the tunnel. After twenty minutes of stationary interviews and photographs, Alyssa and Ashlyn were able to see two players wearing their Tel-Tonic warm ups making their way onto the field. Once everyone had gathered in the center of the field, the coach gave Megan some instruction. Coming to her side, Ashlyn stood watching the two players making their way toward the team. Each had an assistant or press liaison with them. Once they reached the team, ‘Coach’ began with a greeting, “Ali, Becky, it’s wonderful to finally meet you both. Congratulations on your very impressive victory. I’d like to thank you for taking the late flight and spending some time with us before you continue on with your celebration.”

  
Becky was smiling and listening as she looked at the team members one by one. Ali was a step behind and saw Megan first and smiled brightly. When she looked over at Ashlyn, her cheeks immediately filled with color. She quickly looked away and nodded with several players that were greeting them. Ash smiled at the way she blushed and was watching the interaction with the others until she looked over at Alyssa. She had this goofy lovesick glaze to her that filled Ashlyn with jealousy, “Hey, sis,” she whispered. Her eyes breaking the connection she’d had with Ali, Alyssa met Ashlyn’s angry stare and raised her eyebrows in a questioning way. Ash leaned subtly closer and bowed her head a bit, “Stop making goo goo eyes at my girlfriend.” Alyssa snapped her head back up and nervously smiled with a crooked expression. She wasn’t sure if Ashlyn was kidding or if she was serious or a muddle of both. In any event, she made an attempt to adjust her focus as well as whatever had triggered the goalkeepers attention.

  
“I’d like to give you all the opportunity to take the afternoon to work together on the field, scrimmage a little, see how we get along. Then tonight, we will host our guests for dinner and overnight before they leave tomorrow.”

  
Placing a hand on Ashlyn’s shoulder, Megan whispered, “Be cool.” The blonde had turned halfway and was watching Alyssa, who was in turn, trying to listen to the coach. When he finished, Ali took a step closer but was approached by teammates asking about the championship and the celebration afterward. Every few minutes, she would let her eyes wander back over to Ashlyn.  
Alyssa backed up a bit and looked over to meet the angry stare, “What happened, why are you so upset?” She tried to speak as softly as she could, but the exchange was audible enough that Megan was sure they turned a few heads. 

  
Guiding both of them away from the group, she began shaking her head, “This has to stop. Both of you.” Pulling herself away from Megan, Alyssa reached for Ashlyn’s shirt and pulled, “Seriously, I can’t handle the back and forth with you. Can you pick an emotion and stick with it?”

  
Stopping abruptly, Ashlyn shrugged her off, “I’m so sorry I harbor a little resentment for what you did.”

  
Pushing both of them from behind, Megan began prodding, “Keep moving, keep moving….” She was trying to get them as far away from the group as possible before things got loud. As she ushered them from behind, their voices started to escalate. 

  
“I said I was sorry.”

  
“I’m so sorry I can’t just get over it.”

  
“Well you’re going to have to try.”

  
“I don’t have to…” Megan cut Ashlyn off and stepped between them as they walked. “Shut up, both of you.” Pulling them both along with her, she looked back to make sure no one was following them. Once inside the tunnel and walking up along the ramp toward the locker room, Megan asked, “What are we going to do about this?” The three of them standing outside the doorway to the training room, she looked at Ashlyn, “What the hell happened?”

  
“She was standing there all lovesick looking at Ali.” Ashlyn’s gestures were beyond animated.

  
Rolling her eyes, Alyssa huffed out a breath, “Are you serious right now?”

  
“So what do you want to do,” Megan questioned, “Punch her?”

  
Ashlyn looked over at Alyssa with a contemplative resolution.

  
“Go head!” Alyssa puffed out her chest and took a step into Megan. Holding the younger keeper at bay, Megan asked, “Ash, will that change what happened between them?”  
Narrowing her stare, Ashlyn sneered a bit, “Don’t trivialize it like that.”

  
Megan shook her head, “I’m not but what is your endgame here? Are you going to kick her ass every time you see her or think she’s looking at Ali?”  
Alyssa put her hands defensively on her hips, “Why are we assuming she can kick my ass?”

  
Megan glanced over her shoulder, “Hey, one irrational woman at a time, please?”

  
Ashlyn met Alyssa’s eyes with her own and shrugged her shoulders a little before stifling a smile, “I saw the way you were just looking at her and it did something to me. I don’t want you to have that.” Ashlyn dropped her gaze to the ground. 

  
Alyssa stepped around Megan. She lowered her voice and began with a hand lightly on her arm, “I can’t keep apologizing and I know what I did was really shitty. But I think you have to resolve with whether or not you trust her.”

  
When Ashlyn looked back up, she was nodding, “I know. As pissed off as I want to be with you, I know it took both of you.”

  
When they heard voices coming from the entrance of the tunnel, they watched Ali and Becky talking for a moment with their assistants close behind. Then, Ali turned and headed up the tunnel toward them and the others made their way back onto the field with the team. When the brunette finally noticed them, she picked up her pace to a quick jog and was waving as she smiled, “Hi!” When she reached them, she immediately threw her arms around Ashlyn to hug her, “I missed you so much.” 

  
Ashlyn put her arms around Ali and a rush of emotion flooded her senses; her warm body, the electric touch of her skin and the intoxicating scent that was essentially her. She’d rested her head against Ashlyn’s chest, “I can’t believe I’m standing here with you.” When she pulled back, she smiled up at the blonde and took in a deep breath. Then, she turned and greeted Megan and Alyssa with a bright smile, “Oh, my gosh, you guys….” Ali hugged Megan, “It’s been so long.”

  
“Hi, Ali,” Megan smiled.

  
Then she reached up and put her arms around Alyssa. Reaching a loose arm around Ali’s back, the keeper glanced over to Ashlyn. When she backed up, she looked over at Ashlyn again. The deafening silence of the tunnel, Ali finally questioned, “What’s wrong? What’s happened?”

  
Megan nodded as she calculated in her head the many awkward ways the rest of the conversation could go and said, “Well, ‘Lys and Ash are having trouble getting along. It’s uncomfortable for them.”

  
The elephant in the room stood tall now before them and Ali hung her mouth open a moment unsure what to say. She looked from Ashlyn then to Alyssa as she thought. “Ash is angry with you,” she questioned, “because of me.”

  
Alyssa shifted from one foot to the other and her gaze fell to her own feet, “I think we need to stop communicating altogether.” Her voice was broken and low. “I don’t want to be the reason that someone is unhappy all the time.”

  
Turning back to Ashlyn, Ali asked, “You don’t trust me, do you?” She stepped closer and lowered her voice, “You haven’t forgiven me.” Reaching for Ashlyn’s hand, she looked down at it as she laced their fingers together. Not looking up, she asked, “Could you guys give us some space?” 

Once they’d exited the tunnel quietly, Ali finally looked up at Ashlyn. “I didn’t know you still felt like that.” The blonde was lost in every syllable she was forming and watching her subtle breaths that were animating her chest. Her cheeks flushed with color and her eyes became teary as she avoided Ashlyn’s gaze that was still fixed on her. “I guess that…” Sniffling back, she conceded, “…this isn’t working for you, is it?”

  
When Ash didn’t answer, Ali looked back up at her. Dropping her shoulders, she let Ashlyn’s hand go and she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “I regret my actions every day that I wake up. I think about what I’ve done to you and to our relationship. You deserved better from me.”

  
Taking in a breath, Ashlyn asked, “Do you know why it hurts so much? I never thought I’d love someone this much. You and I were something special. We lived in our own world that nobody could touch and you burst that bubble we were in. You brought the world into our lives. I hate that.” 

  
Ali fixed her gaze on the ground, nodding. “That’s what I missed. She couldn’t replace you no matter how hard she tried. I felt bad faking it.”

  
Raising her eyebrows in surprise, Ashlyn questioned, “I thought you said she got you off four times?”

  
Shaking her head, Ali added, “No. She tried. She couldn’t….you know.”

  
“I did forgive you, Ali. I know neither of us is perfect.” Ashlyn was running her fingers along her skin lightly. “I never thought I’d be so damn jealous. The thought of you with anyone else makes me crazy.” 

  
Ashlyn had caressed her neck and was running her thumb across her throat when Ali closed her eyes. “What are you trying to do to me,” she whispered. Opening her eyes to meet Ashlyn’s that were fixed on her, she asked, “Do you still love me?”

  
Words were stalling Ashlyn’s thoughts. Looking at Ali was physically painful. It hurt so much to be away from her and now that she was standing in front of her, she wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around her. The thing that was stopping her was the fact that she really liked Alyssa. She enjoyed her company. But she could clearly see that she was in love with Ali. The three of them were going to be tethered by this emotional umbilical in their personal relationships or through soccer for a very long time. It would be damn near impossible to function on a team where they didn’t speak or acknowledge each other on any level. 

  
“Ali, I love you so much that the words themselves don’t even express my feelings anymore.” Taking her hand, she held it lightly looking at her index finger that was swollen and bruised, “What happened here?”

  
Looking away, she answered, “One of the girls slammed the car door on it.”

  
Putting a hand under her chin, Ashlyn tipped her head up, “Look at me. That’s not what I meant.”

  
Her hesitation had her challenging Ali’s stare. “When the door shut on my hand, my fingers were so swollen I could barely move them. Nothing was broken but my ring finger was really bad. They wanted to cut your ring off my hand and I told them no.” Ashlyn broke their gaze to look at her hand again that was partially covered by a large band aid. “You can’t play with jewelry and by the time the next practice came, I sat out because I still had it on. The still wanted me to let them cut it off. I said I would take care of it by game time and that was the last I was going to say about it.”  
Taking her hand out of Ashlyn’s, she unconsciously massaged it as she spoke. “Everyone knew what happened and the press made it a thing because they thought I was going to be dishonest and try to play with it by covering it up. The referee wanted me to show her my hand and it made me angry because I told her I didn’t have it on. She said she wanted to see and I said no. She told me that if I didn’t show it to her I was going to be ejected and I said fine, it’s my choice. Becky told me to stop obsessing over her lack of trust and play the game. So I showed her my hand but asked if we’d both drop it. She said yes.”

  
Looking down at her hand again, Ashlyn reached for it and Ali pulled it away. “What did you do?”

  
Dropping it to her side, she shook her head, “Nothing.”

  
Ashlyn took a step closer and lowered her head slightly, intensifying her stare between them. She steadied her voice and questioned, “Alex?”

  
“It’s nothing,” her voice was shaking.

  
When Ashlyn never blinked, Ali shook her head again, “I’m fine.”

  
Reaching for her hand, Ashlyn challenged her brown eyes to dare pull her hand away. Holding it lightly, she began blindly feeling for the edge of the bandage. Ali had begun biting on her lower lip nervously and Ashlyn glanced down as she peeled it away. Taking in a sharp breath, the blonde could only imagine the pain that Ali was in. Her index finger was blackened at the base of her hand. It was so swollen around the joint, there were no skin indentations around her knuckle. The purple color that traveled up her finger was beyond exaggerated. When she looked back up, Ali was explaining, “They were going to cut it off me. It’s your ring, I couldn’t let them do it.”

  
Covering her hand with her own, Ashlyn winced in pain at the thoughts rushing into her head, “What did you do?” The urgency in her voice made Ali answer without thought, “I dislocated it to get it off.”  
Pulling her into a hug and cradling her hand, Ashlyn shook her head, “You are so stubborn. Do you know that?”

  
Ali pulled back, “It means something to me. I wasn’t going to let them destroy it.” She was bordering tears. “Alright. It’s alright,” Ashlyn soothed. “Can you feel it or move it at all?”  
“It’s sore.”

  
Pulling her into another embrace, Ashlyn held her tightly against her. When Ali reached her arms up and put them around her, she smiled at the familiarity. 

  
Looking up halfway, Ali asked, “Do you want your ring back? I don’t deserve to keep it if we’re not together anymore.”

  
“We’re together. You and I are always going to be together. That ring is my promise to you. We just have to work this out.”

  
Resting her head against Ashlyn again, Ali questioned, “Megan and ‘Lyssa hate me, don’t they? I’ve made a mess of everyone’s relationship.”

  
They both turned when Megan came running up the tunnel toward them. “Ok, people are starting to ask questions. Ali is supposed to be interacting with the team. Let’s go.”

  
Following her quickly down the tunnel and out onto the field, they began a scrimmage against each other.


	8. Black Hole Sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ali's behavior has a trigger, as does another person we've become acquainted to. Judge lightly. There's some similarities in behavior for a reason.

Ashlyn sat beside Ali and Becky at the dinner table and were talking about the game. Emily sat across from Ali to listen to their stories with Alyssa standing awkwardly behind her holding her tray. She wasn’t sure she wanted to sit at the table and make things uncomfortable. When Emily glanced back over her shoulder, she nodded, “Come one ‘Lys, there’s plenty of room.” Sliding over to make more space, she waited. Ashlyn motioned her over and Megan squeezed in and patted the remaining space, “Let’s go, chic. Time’s a wasting.”

Becky then asked, “Is this her?” Pointing to Alyssa, she looked over at Ali who nodded. Becky smiled at the keeper and laughed, “Girl, I heard you guys were unstoppable at school. Ali said you guys were killing it.”

Alyssa smiled and set her tray down, “We had a hell of a team put together.” Ali met Alyssa’s eyes for a brief moment and then quickly looked over at Emily who had asked her a question. The team had a great day together on the field and off. The conversation never lagged and there was a definitely positive vibe throughout.

“So what happens tomorrow,” Abby questioned. Becky took a sip of her drink and let out a breath, “Well, Ali and I have a bunch of interviews tomorrow at a lot of venues here to promote the club. After that, we go back home for some stateside celebrations. My hometown wants to have a welcome back parade and I know Ali’s high school has contacted the team for the same.”

Ashlyn looked over at Ali, “Really?” She nodded, “They want me to speak at a pep rally.” The two smiled at each other, revealing nothing about their personal feelings about the irony of the event. Becky continued, “Then we start a PR tour around the country. Ending in two weeks with us visiting the white house with President Warren.” As everyone began talking about the many destinations, Ashlyn leaned over and whispered in her ear, “My little celebrity.” In the excitement, no one else noticed the intimate exchange or the subtle blush of Ali’s face except for Alyssa who briefly met her brown eyes and Megan who frowned at Ashlyn.

Ashlyn and Ali were finally able to find themselves alone together after feigning separate paths to opposite destinations. Sitting on the bottom step of the stairwell corridor, Ali had rested her head against Ashlyn. “I feel like this was a tease, you know? How things could be.” The blonde put her arm around Ali and pulled her close, “I know what you mean. We’re adults, sort of. No curfews or anything to hold us back. This could be our life together.”

Quickly looking up, Ali smiled, “You want a life with me?”

Smiling back, Ashlyn nodded, “Oh, yes, I want a life with you.” Taking a light hold of Ali’s hand delicately, she asked, “Do you think I can kiss you now? I waited all day long.”

Reaching up, Ali rested her arm around Ashlyn’s neck and leaned into her. When their lips touched, there was an electricity between them, pulling them closer. Ali smiled against Ashlyn’s lips and giggled.

“Something funny,” she questioned, pulling back a little. Ali ran a finger along Ashlyn’s lips and whispered, “I really missed your kisses.”

Kissing her lips again, Ashlyn whispered, “What am I going to do with you?” Thinking for a moment, she then asked, “Does Becky know about us?” Shaking her head, she frowned, “I’ve kept things on the down low.”

Taking out her phone when she felt it buzz, Ashlyn read the message and blushed a little. Shaking her head, she let out a laugh and looked back up. Taking Ali’s hand, she told her, “Come with me.” Following her into the elevator, she watched Ashlyn push a floor number before turning back to face her. “We have some pretty amazing friends.”

When the doors opened, she pulled out her room key to unlock the door. Once inside, Ali found her bags sitting on one of the beds. Giving Ashlyn a curious look, she questioned, “What’s this?” Setting her hand on her bag, she asked, “How did this get here?”

Tossing her phone on the bed, Ash smiled, “Megan and Alyssa made some changes so we could have some time alone.” Her cheeks flushed with color when she smiled back, “That was sweet of them.”

Sliding her hands around her waist and pulling her close, “Do you know what was sweet,” Ashlyn questioned. “Seeing you put that UNC hat on your head after the game.”

Ali smiled thinking about the first time Ashlyn put the hat on her head. The feeling of security it gave her. Even after they’d parted ways at the restaurant, walking home, she felt protected. It made her feel cared about. “I wanted you there with me. It was the only thing I could think of to let you know you were in my thoughts.”

Taking her hand, Ashlyn met her stare with her own, “As soon as they started talking about you not wanting to take off your ring, I knew how you felt. You don’t have anything to prove to me.”

“I want you to know that I’m faithful.”

Ashlyn bowed her head a little and Ali asked, “Why can’t you look at me?” Ashlyn looked into her soft brown eyes and Ali asked, “Do you still love me?

Ashlyn’s eyes closed and she tried to pull her into an embrace but was halted.

“Look at me,” Ali’s voice wavered. Ashlyn’s hazel’s raised to meet hers again. “Why are we up here together?” Sitting back on the bed, Ali looked up at the blonde and asked, “Why do we need the room to ourselves?”

Ashlyn sat beside Ali and reached up to caress her cheek with her hand. “I thought it might be nice to be alone, it’s been so long.” Leaning in closer, Ash placed a kiss on her lips softly and nipped at her neck. Ali could feel her body warming all over. Leaning her backwards on the bed, her hand found its way underneath her tee shirt and rested gently on her stomach.

Her lips captured Ali’s mouth again in a feverish rush of emotion. In a matter of moments, they were both breathless and covered in sweat as Ashlyn slid her hand under the waistband of Ali’s shorts and found the edge of her lace panties. When her fingers easily slid through the moist warmth between her thighs, Ali gasped at the sensation. Her breath had quickened and Ashlyn found her lips again when Ali asked, “Ashlyn, do you trust me?”

Her eyes were closed and her head was resting against her forehead lightly but there was no response. Tears were falling from the corners of her eyes as Ali whispered again, “Tell me you trust me.”

Ashlyn plunged her fingers deeper and they grazed over her sensitive anatomy and Ali’s breath caught in her chest before she stopped her by taking a hold of her wrist.

“Why didn’t you stop her?” Ashlyn finally questioned with an edge to her voice. “I did stop her.”

Pulling her hand from her shorts, Ashlyn reached for the waist of her clothing and slid it down her thighs. Ali sat halfway up and pushed them off and onto the floor. “Then how did her face,” pulling her waist closer with her hands on her hips, “get between your legs?”

Ali fell back onto the bed as she spoke and then answered, “I wanted to feel what I made you feel.” Ashlyn looked wounded with her response. Ali was waiting for her continue but her silence threatened to halt the conversation. “I was afraid, Ali.”

“And you think I wasn’t,” she argued. “I wanted to make you feel good. That outweighed my fear.” Pushing herself up, she went on, “I gave myself to you.”

Pulling her waist again, Ashlyn leaned over her when she fell back, “You held that against me?”

Reaching her hands up and placing her palms against her face lightly, Ali whispered, “I wanted to be close to you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” She fixed her gaze on Ashlyn’s hazel eyes and wouldn’t let them go. “I love you. I love you more than anything in this world.”

Ashlyn studied her face that refused to let her go until she’d resolved. She found herself letting her eyes wander down her slender neck and over the subtle freckles on her skin. She could see the blood pulsing through her at the base of her neck and it brought back an ache that had terrified her the first time she’d noticed it. Lifting her eyes back up to Ali’s, she questioned, “Do you love me because you think I saved your life? Is that the reason why we’re connected?”

Her face softened and she smiled slightly. “I love you because you make me feel alive.” Ashlyn found her lips with her own and kissed them. A hand behind her neck, holding her head gently, her kisses became deeper until her tongue begged entrance. A hand reached around her waist and pulled her hip closer against her body. “Ali,” she whispered, “I love you.” Meeting her eyes, she nodded, “I trust you.”

____________________________________________________________________________

The alarms on both of their cell phones began to chime, cutting through the silence that had lasted for nearly an hour. Ashlyn quieted them and returned her arm around Ali’s shoulder. Not looking up, the brunette whispered, “Tell me it’s not time to get up yet.” Running her fingers through her long hair soothingly, Ash just hummed. Her fingers then trailed lightly down her back and settled on her hip.

Ali curled herself into Ashlyn’s body, “My whole body is tingling.” She spoke into Ashlyn’s neck as she nibbled at her skin softly. “Every nerve ending is on fire.” Pulling the sheet up over their heads, Ashlyn pulled the pillow from under her head and rested beside Ali so she could see her face.

Ali smiled at the gesture, “What are you doing?”

Taking her hand and holding it gently, she responded, “I’ve closed the door to our fort. No one can find us here.” Reaching up, Ali twisted the edge of the pillow over their heads and made a clicking noise, “Well, now it’s locked.” Her playful smile melted away all the time that had passed since they were two frightened high school kids with no idea about how to navigate their lives. Ashlyn was waning, looking for a reason to wake up in the morning and Ali was edging herself closer to playing with fire. Ashlyn could still see the frightened girl standing under the pier that had resolved herself with death.

Breaking the silence, Ashlyn whispered, “Have you thought about when you graduate in December?” Ali was chewing on her bottom lip, “You mean if I’m drafted.”

“You’ll be drafted,” Ashlyn smiled.

Capturing her lips, Ali pulled back and smiled, “You always think more of me than I actually am.” Holding her face with her hand, she went on, “My contract here is up the end of the year. I won’t have a home, school or otherwise…I can go anywhere I want.”

“And if the national team offers….” Ashlyn questioned with hope in her voice, “is it an option?”

Ali nodded, “It’s an option. I suspect that’s why we were asked to come here. For both parties to see if it’s a good fit.”

Ash nodded, “I got the same feeling.” Smiling to herself, she asked, “So you don’t see yourself in a lab somewhere with beakers and….s-stuff?”

Pursing her lips to stifle her smile, Ali gave her that side eye that rendered her useless. Ashlyn let out a laugh and asked, “What?” She was completely unable to hide any underlying context.

“No beakers,” Ali repeated.

Repositioning herself, Ali shifted her hips and ran her hand underneath her. When she looked back up at Ashlyn, she shook her head, “Is that you or me?” The blonde lifted her off the damp mattress and on top of her, “I don’t know. But don’t be embarrassed if I suspect it’s you.”

Her legs straddling Ashlyn, Ali smiled shyly, tracing her nipples with her fingers, “You have a beautiful body.” Steadying her hands on the brunette’s hips, she took a deep breath, “This is definitely not a good plan.”

Resting her body against Ashlyn’s, the heat between their bodies warmed their skin quickly. Ali was placing kisses on her mouth at an achingly seductive pace. Her tongue was leaving a wet trail along her bottom lip until Ali pulled on it with her teeth. The sensation forced their bodies to find each other, Ali grinding against Ashlyn, and the blonde rising up to meet her. At the contact, Ali immediately dropped her head against Ashlyn’s chest, “Oh….,” she breathed out. Her body quivered with little spasms that stole her speech. The sensation sent shock waves through Ashlyn’s body and she dropped her head back. She let Ali indulge in repeating the action until she had worked herself up enough that she’d begun to mirror her movements. They moved together in unison with Ashlyn sliding her hands past her hips and her fingertips pressing harder into her skin as the feeling between them became stronger. She could feel Ali’s body tensing with every subtle sigh she released.

As soon as she began to get louder, Ashlyn whispered, “Ali, shhhh.” She was biting her bottom lip to comply but she started back up again and Ashlyn covered her mouth with her hand. When Ali finally collapsed on top of her, both of them breathless and spent, it was only then they heard the keycard to the room clicking.

Ashlyn looked to Ali, her head resting against her chest and they both shrugged, out of breath and powerless to move.

The door opened and they heard a voice call softly, “Hey, guys. It’s me, are you here?” Ali immediately recognized the voice and knew that Alyssa was covering her eyes as she entered the room.

“Yes, we’re covered,” Ali gets out.

Peeking her head out from under the sheet, she watches Alyssa find her way to the four drawer cabinet and pull open the top one. “I’ll just be a quick second,” she apologizes. “I forgot something.”

She reaches into the drawer, pulls out her ID and lanyard then turns and sees Ali. Their eyes are locked until the pained expression on Alyssa’s face colors her cheeks and forces her to hold back tears. She opens her mouth to speak but no words come out.

Her body was still in spasm from her orgasm but she couldn’t help feeling the hurt on her friend’s face. Quickly, Alyssa apologizes, “I’m sorry.” Turning for the door, she pulls it halfway open before it slams on her foot and then she steps around it and disappears closing it behind her.

Wrapping her arms around Ali’s waist, Ashlyn breathes out, “Is she gone?”

Resting her head on the pillow, she slides off of Ash and whispers, “Yes.”

Tossing the sheet off her head, she huffs, “Good. It was like a sauna under there. I’m soaked.” Ashlyn used her fingers to brush away wet hair that was stuck to Ali’s face, “You ok?” Her stare was distant. Meeting her eyes, she nodded. She had her bottom lip pulled into her mouth and she covered herself with the sheet shyly.

Turning on her side, she questioned, “I guess it was uncomfortable to have her come in?”

Ali shrugged a little and nodded.

Ashlyn pulled her close and agreed, “That was bad timing.” Ali kissed Ashlyn’s shoulder and rested her head against it. “But it really felt good. You had me so caught up in you.”

Ashlyn bowed her head to find Ali’s lips and kissed them lightly. “It felt really good but I didn’t think it was going to go that far.” Ali was playing with Ashlyn’s hair now. “I liked looking at your body. It turned me on watching your face.”

Ali pulled Ashlyn into her and asked, “Do you think it’ll still be like this when we’re always together? Wanting to make love with each other all night?”

Ashlyn smiled. “I like the sound of that.” Her smiled turned into a mischievous grin and she pulled the sheet up over head and disappeared beneath it. Ali could feel her taking little nips of her body in a way that tickled. Then she would feel her tongue traveling over her skin. Ali giggled at the assault that would stop without warning and then begin again in a different place that was vulnerable.

Ali had both of her hands running through Ashlyn’s hair, her fingers curling around it. Her smile caught in her chest when Ashlyn lifted her leg and placed it over her shoulder. She placed soft kisses behind her knee and they slowly traveled up the back of her thigh. With each kiss, she dragged her tongue, leaving a wet trail that she would blow on giving her a tingly sensation. Her grip on Ashlyn’s hair tightened and Ali felt her body tense in anticipation. “Do you like it when I do this?”

Ali could feel the hot breath on her skin, “…y-yes,” she stuttered out.

There was a pause and then Ashlyn warned, “I’m feeling the way I felt last night. I want to take my time torturing you again…listen to all the little noises you can make.” Ashlyn grazed against her with her tongue and Ali let out a whimper. “That’s one of my favorites.” Gently using her fingers to reveal all of her sensitive clitoris, she gave it a soft kiss that made her whine. Lifting her other leg, she placed it on Ash’s other shoulder and begged, “Please.”

“All you had to do was ask, Ali.”

With her bag on the bed, Ali zipped it across the top and closed the clasp. She felt Ashlyn wrap her arms around her waist and hug tightly. Resting back against her, Ali whispered, “I don’t want to leave you.”

No sooner had the words left her lips, Ashlyn’s phone buzzed. Before she could reach for it, Ali’s phone did the same.

“Megan said we need to get to lunch.”

“Becky is wondering where I am.”

Ali leaned up and gave Ashlyn a quick kiss, “This is the last time I can kiss you without anyone watching.”

Ashlyn picked her up and whirled her around in the air once before setting her back down. “I wanted to do that when I saw you.”

Ali giggled and steadied herself. “Was there anything else?”

A devious smile curled her lips and Ashlyn leaned in, “There isn’t enough time to do what I want to do again. I think it’s safe to say I overcame my fear.”

Ali blushed, and took her hands, “I think you’ve done about all the damage you can do. I feel a little...tingly still.”

Pulling her into an embrace, Ashlyn whispered, “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you.” Ali hugged her tightly, “I’m alright. It’s a good reminder tingly.” Looking up to meet Ashlyn’s concern, she added with a smile, “I like how this confident aggression looks on you.”

“I love you, Ali.”

“I love you, Ashlyn. I’m glad we’re on the same page now. I only want to be with you.”

Ali walked into the cafeteria first and sat by Becky. “Where have you been?” she whispered. “Talking with some friends.” Ali was trying to downplay her absence. As Alyssa walked past the table, Ali excused herself to follow her. When she caught up to her, Alyssa stopped and was standing with her back to Ali, beside a table, not sure what to do. “’Lys, can we talk, please?” She kept her voice down so she didn’t draw any attention to them. Setting her tray down on the table, she continued out of the side door towards the football field. Alyssa began walking around the track, hoping Ali would go away. Catching up to her, Ali reached for her arm to stop her, “Come on, ‘Lys, talk to me.”

When she stopped, she had tears streaking her face. “What, Ali. What!” The sudden outburst surprising her, her words stalled. Then she turned and kept walking until she had begun to sniffle back tears. Walking beside the rising bleachers, Alyssa walked under them to lean where she began to cry. Ali followed her and came to her side. Alyssa had one arm holding the steel support beam over her head and her other hand covering her face as she wiped away tears. Placing a hand on her shoulder, Ali reached her other arm around her from behind and hugged. “I’m sorry.”

Looking up, Alyssa quickly turned, “Oh yeah, what are you sorry for? Maybe you’re sorry for not feeling the same way after I tell you I’m madly in love with you? Because right now, I’m sorry I’m trapped here with the woman I love and her angry girlfriend watching every move that I make, dissecting it and deciding if she thinks I’m lusting after you in my head. And you know what, she’s right. Every time I see you, it’s all I can think about. I don’t care where we are or who’s around; I’m thinking about kissing you and touching you and making love to you.” Taking a couple steps toward her, she asked, “Do you know how frustrating it is watching you walk around here and I can’t tell you how I feel?” Ali backed up a couple steps and Alyssa questioned, “Do you have any idea what it did to me upstairs seeing you in bed with her?”

Backing herself against the chain link fence, Ali asked, “Why, ‘Lys? Why did you come into the room? You had to know what was going on...unless that’s what you wanted to see.”

Alyssa was thinking. Her eyes dropping to the ground, embarrassed, she whispered, “Maybe I did.” Meeting Ali’s brown eyes, she shrugged, “Maybe I wanted to see you when you weren’t faking it. I could hear you through the door.”

Ali’s face flushed and she tried to look away. Stepping closer, Alyssa tried to lean in to kiss her lips but Ali stopped her, “Don’t.” Meeting her eyes, she could see the heartbreak. Tears were forming in the corners of her eyes and she whispered out, “Couldn’t you just try?”

Ali didn’t have any words.

When enough silence had passed between them, Alyssa turned away from her, “I can’t live like this.”

“Don’t say that.” Ali took her by the shoulders and pulled her into a hug. “Please, ‘Lys.” Her arms hung at her sides as Ali tried to comfort her. When she didn’t respond, Ali took her hands into her own and held them. Bowing her head, she waited for her to look up again. Ali held her stare for a moment and then wiped her tears away with her thumb. “You have such a good heart.” Ali placed her hand over Alyssa’s chest and wouldn’t let her look away. “Do you know how much it meant when you wrote to me in the hospital?” Ali let her think for a moment. “I thanked you in my letter but I never got to tell you face to face. You read what happened to me, right?” Alyssa nodded slowly, remembering the incident. “I know that it was you who organized all the care packages.”

Alyssa took a hold of Ali’s hand, “I wanted to help. I would have quit if it wasn’t you on the field that day.”

“You helped me so much, ‘Lys. You don’t even know. I was really embarrassed about the beating. There were a lot of cuts and bruises on my body. You wrote that you sent me those oversized sweatpants and the long sleeve tee shirt because they would be comfortable while I healed. Do you remember that?”

Ali squeezed her hand and nodded at her. Lowering her head, Alyssa met her eyes, “Yes.”

“You were right. Those white sweats and tee were the most comfortable thing I wore. It’s what I remember the most about laying in my bed. That they were warm and made me feel protected.”

Alyssa’s cheeks filled with color and she avoided Ali’s stare.

“Thank you for sharing that.” Ali’s voice was shaking as she remembered those first few nights. “It got me through the feeling that I wasn’t alone.”

Alyssa whispered out, “I didn’t know you knew.”

“I knew you had compassion for a reason.”

The words were thick in her mouth when she spoke them but she looked directly into Ali’s eyes to profess, “A little girl should be able to trust her daddy to protect her.”

In that moment, they both shared a lifetime of unspoken emotions between them. “No one will ever know what’s between us. They’ll never understand the connection we share, no matter how hard they try. Not even Ashlyn.”

“You never told her?”

Ali shook her head, “It’s not my place. You shared that with me. Maybe not in so many words but I understood you.”

Alyssa took a deep breath and turned away from Ali. “I never knew another person….like me.”

“Me either. I just thought it was something that happened to me.”

“You’re safe now? You’re emancipated. And you have your teacher, he’s a part of your family.”

Ali smiled and nodded, “Yes. I’m a part of his family. He calls me the little girl he never had.” Her smile revealed how happy she was to be a part of it.”

“And Ashlyn takes care of you.”

Ali smiled as she nodded, “Yes.”

“Ali, can we stay best friends? I think we’re stronger together.”

“I totally agree.”


	9. Circles

Ashlyn followed along as Ali and Becky made appearances around Europe with their team until they eventually made their way back to the states. Most of the time, Ali texted Ashlyn what they were doing and then she would live stream it if she could or followed along on Instagram or Twitter. With the Olympic games approaching, there was a lot more press on both of them now that the WNT was looking to bring home a gold. Everyone was enjoying having Becky and Ali on their show because they were both light, happy and easy to talk to. They made promotion fun and it led into conversations about the Olympics.

Most of the interviews and questions that came were very benign. That is until they were toward the end of their tour and appeared on the Pete Davidson Show. Everything up to this point had been fun and non specific. No one was political, personal or invasive. At least not until immediately after a commercial break, he began eluding to Ali’s sexuality. He began asking questions about what other celebrities they’d met and if any of them were crushes. When Ali answered that she met her favorite female musician that was the Billboard Artist of the Year and Grammy Award winner, he asked her if she thought she was hot. Picking up on the subtext, Ali answered, “Of course. Haven’t you seen her?” Everyone laughed and he pressed, “So I guess you already have a girlfriend?” Leaning closer, Ali reached a hand out to cover his and asked, “Were you looking to apply?”

Seemingly, his confidence shaken or in a change of heart, he backed off and changed the subject. Whatever the reason for the sudden divert, Ali was able to avoid any backlash. After the show, on the way back to the hotel, Becky could sense the shift in Ali’s mood. They were silent in the back of the luxury vehicle and Becky raised the privacy partition between them and the driver.

“What happened? Why did he do that?” Becky was concerned with the affect the line of questioning had on her. Pete was known for his rants and drug/alcohol fueled antics. Since his latest rehab stay, the promise of a new start with a fresh talk show that was only weeks old, it seemed he was back at it already. Ali was thinking. She looked over at Becky and took a deep breath. She turned her body to face her friend, “I’m pretty sure he was trying to ‘out’ me.” Becky didn’t look away but was waiting for her to continue. “I’m gay,” she finally blurted. Becky focused on the passing buildings and then asked, “Is it ‘Lyssa?” Ali stifled her smile, “Why would you say that?” Ali’s humor had Becky smiling, “Well because she looks like she’s in love with you.” Shaking her head to herself, Ali told her no then asked, “So you pretty much knew?”

Becky hesitated before she responded. She seemed unsure of how to answer. “I don’t really know how to say I think I knew without it coming out wrong, you know? I can’t say ‘oh you look gay’ or something like that because that doesn’t make any sense.”

Ali smiled, “I understand. It’s ok.”

Then, Becky began speaking with more conviction, “But I want you to know that doesn’t change anything between us. I don’t care.”

Resting her head back on the seat, Ali mused, “I’ve never really talked much about personal things and I never really thought too much about what anyone else would think of me.” Letting out a breath, she shrugged a little as she spoke, “I still don’t feel the need to discuss it with anyone but now I know I really don’t care what anyone else thinks. It’s who I am and how I feel. Nothing is going to change that.”

Becky immediately said while pointing, “Right there. That’s why I love you.”

Rubbing her temples with her thumb and forefinger, Ali smiled, “I knew you had a redeeming quality.”

Wrinkling up her face, Becky made an exaggerated face at Ali before sticking out her tongue. She knew she wasn’t being rude about her dig regarding her past behavior but she could see that her mind was racing. “Are you alright?”

Her eyes still closed now, Ali nodded a little and hummed a yes. “I have a little bit of a headache today.”

Sliding over on the seat and leaning closer, Becky reached over and placed her hand against Ali’s forehead and then to her cheek, “You don’t feel warm or anything. But you tossed and turned all night.”

Meeting her friend’s concerned eyes, Ali asked, “Did I keep you up?”

Shaking her head, Becky told her, “I slept a little restless myself. I feel like I’m over tired, you know? I went from playing soccer to being on TV, doing interviews and visiting the white house. Not to mention constantly being recognized now and people wanting pictures and autographs. Who knew anyone would ever want my name written on their tee shirt. Have you seen my handwriting?”

Ali laughed. “Yeah. I’m not used to being on the lookout for every single person who sees me wanting to stop and talk. I’m not used to that part.”

As the car approached the hotel, Becky reached for her bag, “I’ll be happy when we get back in a couple days so we can start playing again, you know?”

Thinking aloud, Ali agreed, “I didn’t realize how much I really loved it.”

When Ashlyn watched the interview, it made her anxious. She felt a knot in her stomach and she couldn’t figure out if it was nervousness for Ali’s personal life being put on blast or the possibility that it would end up linking them both and her own private life would become public by default. When the show ended, Megan looked at Ash and said, “He’s an ass. Always has been.” Ashlyn tried to appear that she’d brushed it off but was happy deep down that she hadn’t divulged too much.

In the days leading up to the Olympics, there was still serious speculation about who would be the starting keeper on the team. Ashlyn and Alyssa began working together tirelessly to improve their performance. Most evenings, the couple took turns shooting on each other until one of them gave up out of pure exhaustion. There were several nights that the trainer had to come out to the field to bring them in. The competitive drive they possessed far outweighed any petty differences between them. Ashlyn helped Alyssa and the majority of the time, their friendship was solid.

It was a rare off day. The intensity was building up and everyone needed a break. Ashlyn was on her way down to the hotel lobby after the last session ended to find something to do just to get out and relax. Having the whole day off tomorrow would be a much needed treat. When the elevator doors opened, she stepped out and happened to glance over at the lounge area. A smile crept across her face when she spotted Ali sitting in one of the plush high back chairs. She had the UNC hat on the right way and the brim was pulled down low covering most of her face but she could tell it was her. She was slumped sideways in the comfortable chair with one leg pulled up underneath her. People casually passed by and Ali sat reading something on her phone completely unaware that Ashlyn was even watching her. When she happened to look up and see Ashlyn, she smiled and sat up.

As soon as they made eye contact from across the room, there were a few fans that stopped and asked Ashlyn for autographs. The sudden small group quickly drew enough attention that it became a larger group. Ali stood on the outer edge of the lounge floor, her arms folded over herself, leaning against a large pillar, watching the interaction. She was smiling at Ashlyn’s demeanor with the fans and the children that recognized her for her game play.

After the crowd had whittled enough that it was manageable, Ashlyn glanced over at Ali who gave her a mocking face that she was still so engaged with her fans. The subtle exchange provoked Ash to retaliate. Looking up with animated flair, she nodded at her and smiled while calling, “I’ll be right there, Ali!”

The comment provided enough attention for Ali to end up with her own little group of admirers wanting to meet her. By the time they had worked their way closer to each other as the crowd became smaller, Ali had her cap turned backwards and was posing with two small middle schoolers as their mother snapped a picture.

Following Ash back into the elevator, when the doors closed, she looked up at her and smiled. Then she punched her arm lightly. Ashlyn pulled her into a tight hug, “What are you doing here? When did you get back?” Ali pulled back quickly and answered, “A couple days ago. We had a game.”

When the doors opened, Ali followed her to her room as Ashlyn used her keycard to open it. Once they were inside, she tossed everything on the table and turned back to Ali. She appeared washed and tired looking. Leaning up to reach her arms around Ashlyn’s neck, she winced when the pressure around her waist was too tight. Pulling back, Ashlyn gave her a concerned look, “What’s wrong?”

Sitting on the edge of the bed, she waved her hand and shook her head, “Nothing. I just had a bad collision yesterday. I’m fine.” Kicking her shoes off, Ashlyn sat beside her and reached for the hem of her tee shirt to lift it. Running her fingers lightly along the ugly purple bruise, she looked back up to meet Ali’s eyes.

“See, it’s just not pretty looking.”

Dropping the shirt, she questioned, “Nothing’s broken?”

“Nope. Not even fractured. But I’m sitting out tomorrow’s game.”

“Well I would hope so.” Ashlyn stood, “Can I get you some ice?” Her eyes searching the room for the ice bucket, she turned herself around with her hands on her hips.

Pushing back, Ali almost whined, “Oh, please. No more ice. I’ve been iced to death.” She laid herself back on her side and rested her head on the pillow, pulling the UNC hat against her chest and hugging it.

Stifling a smile, Ashlyn sat beside her on the bed watching her closely. Brushing her hair back with her fingers lightly, she questioned, “How did you get here?”

“From where my apartment is, it really isn’t that far.” Reaching for her hand, Ali laced their fingers and forced a smile. “I’m not playing so I could take the trip.” Ash ran her thumb over her index finger that was still swollen but less discolored. It was then she noticed her ring resting against Ali’s chest hanging from a thin silver chain.

“Are you hungry? Do you want to get something to eat?”

Ali squeezed Ashlyn’s hand and asked, “Do you think you could just put your arms around me?” There was an edge to her voice that was almost pleading. Her eyes were fighting a losing battle against sleep as it was slowly overpowering her.

“Come here, Ali.” Lying beside her, Ali quickly curled herself closer into Ashlyn’s chest and nuzzled her head under her neck. She reached her arms around her and soothed up and down her back. Ali pulled her knees up higher and Ashlyn ran her hands down past her waist and pulled her closer. Nothing about it felt sexual. She could tell Ali needed comfort and the feeling of closeness and security.

Once she was sure Ali was sleeping, she could feel the deep even breaths rising and falling against her slowly. When Ali’s phone chimed, Ashlyn quickly reached over to the table and turned the volume off. She glanced at the screen to make sure it wasn’t something important. Ali’s manager and assistant Rosa had texted and she could see the beginning of the fourth message: ‘WHERE ARE YOU IM REALLY GETTING CONCERNED’

Ashlyn met her when Ali and Becky came to visit after the team’s win. She took care of Ali’s promotion and accounting now that there was such a demand. The team provided the service until Ali could hire one or decided to continue with the team’s company.

Pulling her arm slowly out from underneath Ali, she tried to not wake her. Then sitting up slowly, she took her own phone and texted back Rosa’s number. She explained that Ali had come to see her and was sleeping but she was safe. Rosa immediately responded: thank god-she was a little off since she’s come back from the states and she left this morning without telling anyone. I smoothed it over on this end but I really was worried.

Standing, Ash took her phone and grabbed her room key. Standing in the hallway, she pushed the call button. When Rosa answered, she greeted, “Hi Ash.”

“Hey. I don’t mean to pry but how has she been when you say ‘a little off’?” Ashlyn kept her voice low and leaned against the wall.

“She’s been inside her head. Preoccupied. Something’s going on.”

“Did she really get cleared by the team for her ribs?”

When Rosa hesitated, Ash put her hand to her head realizing her mistake. She was so worried that something Ali might say would make people suspicious and here she was prying into her life through her manager. “Ash,” she began slowly, “They don’t really communicate injury reports to me. Is she hurt too?”

Letting out a sigh of relief that Rosa wasn’t upset with her inquisition, she told her, “Not really. She’s just bruised up. She said she wasn’t playing tomorrow.”

There was silence on the other end of the line and then Rosa finally responded, “OK, I see it here. I was checking my email. They sent me a memo saying she was unavailable for pregame interviews for an excused absence. So, then, no, she’s not playing tomorrow. Thank you for checking in with me.”

“You’re welcome. I just happened to see your message. It was kind of random. I don’t usually look at her phone.”

“Well I’m glad you did. I’ll talk to you later.”

Sliding her phone into her pocket, Ashlyn shook her head at herself. She couldn’t understand why she was always so distrustful. Ali wouldn’t lie about her health. She’d never kept anything from her. But here we are again with Ashlyn questioning her integrity.

Stepping off the elevator, holding a soda, Alyssa stopped, “What are you doing in the hall?”

Laughing at how she must look, she told her, “I was taking a phone call.” Quietly opening the room door, Ashlyn whispered, “Try not to wake Ali.”

Standing in the doorway for a moment, Alyssa turned and held the door from slamming closed. Sitting on the opposite bed from Ali, she leaned forward a bit and just looked at her sleeping. When Ashlyn returned to the room in comfortable clothes, she sat beside Alyssa and said, “I don’t know. She just showed up.”

“She’s ok,” Alyssa whispered questioningly.

Meeting Alyssa’s eyes, Ash shrugged, “She hasn’t said what’s up yet.” Then, “You mind switching beds tonight. She just passed out there.”

When Alyssa’s phone chimed, she silenced it without looking. “No worries.” Then she asked, “How about I order some food? It’s only five thirty, I’ll stay with you.”

Ashlyn slowly looked over at Alyssa again and she recognized the jealousy. Lowering her voice, she continued, “Or I could go. I’ll leave you guys alone.” She began to stand and Ashlyn put a hand on her knee to stop her, “I’d like you to stay. Really.”

Sitting on the floor across from each other, they both stared intensely trying to decode between a bluff and a confident play. Alyssa folded quickly when she would crumble under Ashlyn’s icy glare then stifle her giggle. Finally smiling, Ashlyn shook her head, “You’re in way deep, kid.”

Picking up her sandwich, Alyssa took a bite and then reshuffled the cards. “It’s all so easy to intimidate the newbie.” When she met Ash’s eyes, they both smiled.

Breaking her connection, Alyssa glanced back over her shoulder, “Did you hear that?” Standing, she took a step toward Ali, “Ash…”

Pushing herself to her feet, Ashlyn went to Ali’s side. Her sleep was restless. Taking her hand, Ashlyn whispered, “Wake up, love.” She tried to pull her into her arms.

Alyssa sat across from them on the opposite bed and noticed her phone blinking.

Ali had tears streaking her face in her sleep and Ashlyn was wiping them away with her hand.

Her breath catching in her chest, Alyssa’s mouth hung open and she looked up from her phone, “Ash..”

Sitting up, Ali wrapped her arms around the blonde and sniffled back tears, “Please hold me.” Her voice was low and broken and her body was shaking.

Her concern growing for the brunette, she heard Alyssa beg, “Ash!”


	10. Another Brick In The Wall

Ashlyn wasn’t sure if Ali was asleep or awake. She still clenched her arms tightly around Ashlyn’s chest and whispered, “Please.” Looking over at Alyssa, who had started to stand, they both stopped when a knock came on their door.

Alyssa quickly stepped over the bed in one jump and opened it to see Megan standing silently. Stepping into the room, she shook her head, “I guess you already know then.”

“Know what,” Ashlyn questioned. Alyssa went to Ashlyn’s side and held out her phone to let her see the forwarded message from a girl who played soccer with her in high school on the tournament team. There was a story from the AP wire that was picked up and made it’s way to them.

_‘Luxembourg Champion Faces Tragedy’_

_“It was reported Monday that media darling, Alex Krieger’s mother, has passed away from an apparent suicide. Based on the evidence surrounding her demise, it appears she hanged herself. A spokesperson from the same county where thirty-eight-year-old Krieger was found dead, stated that early indications point to the cause of death as suicide._

_A final determination on the cause of death will be made by a coroner, but law enforcement sources familiar with the investigation tell us that she appears to have died by asphyxiation. Seeing how no foul play is suspected, all signs point to a hanging._

_Krieger, who gave up her parental rights after her boyfriend was arrested for charges of assault against...”_

Turning her head away from the phone, Ashlyn held Ali against her tightly. “Fuck,” she whispered to herself. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”

Megan had complete compassion for the situation. She felt for Ali’s pain at the loss of her mother and how she most likely found out. What made it worse was that now the story linked Ali’s past abuse to her mother’s death. “I’m really sorry,” she offered.

Ali was half asleep. Her eyes were closed but it was obvious her subconscious had pushed through her grief. Ashlyn rocked her in her arms and Ali cried, “Mommy…”

Alyssa felt her emotions overwhelm her and turned her back to them when she felt tears blur her vision. Megan sat beside Ashlyn on the bed and put her arm around them both. Ali opened her eyes and sat up a little, wiping the tears away. Looking up at Ashlyn, Ali softly questioned, “I’m sorry. Was I having a nightmare?” Looking around the room, she sat up, “What’s...wrong?” She saw Alyssa’s tear filled eyes and looked away embarrassed.

“Ali,” Megan put a hand on her shoulder, “We’re all here for you if you need anything at all.”

Alyssa nodded in agreement, “Yeah.”

Getting up and walking halfway across the room, she stood with her back to them, “How did you know?”

Standing, Ashlyn questioned, “How did you know?”

Ali turned and said, “The police contacted Dad and Paul. They called before the game yesterday morning. I guess it’s why my head just wasn’t in the game.” Hesitating, she lifted her tee shirt up over her head and confessed, “I have a bruised kidney.” Not sure why Ali took her shirt off, Ashlyn folded her arms over herself. Then Ali turned, and she revealed the way the dark purple bruise that she’d seen a piece of earlier, crept its way around her side and across her back. Megan quickly stood, “Oh my god, Ali.”

Alyssa took a step closer and asked, “Why aren’t you in a hospital?”

“I’m not in kidney failure,” she whispered. Pulling her tee shirt back over her head, she went on, “I’m monitoring what’s happening with my body but I have to go home. I have to deal with…her body, and affairs.” She dropped her eyes to the floor and let out a breath. Alyssa took her hand lightly and asked, “Can we do anything for you?”

Ali shook her head no. Then she looked up and asked, “How did you guys know?”

Alyssa and Megan looked back at Ash. Stepping forward, the blonde lowered her voice, “There’s a news story about it.”

Ali squeezed her eyes shut, “They talk about it, don’t they?”

Alyssa pulled Ali into a hug and soothed, “It’s going to be alright.” Stepping closer, Megan put her arms around Ali for comfort too, “Nobody’s going to care. Not anybody who matters.”

Reaching her arms up around them, Ali asked, “You don’t think they’ll wonder why my mother gave me up after her boyfriend beat me? Why wouldn’t she want to protect her child unless she…” Her voice choking on itself, she whispered, “Unless she thought I wasn’t worth anything.”

Megan took a step back in surprise and studied her, “Geez, Ali.”

Taking her by the shoulders, Alyssa began, “You know that’s not true. Look at me.” Her voice commanded Ali’s attention. “Do you know how many times I cried at night after my father would do what he did to me? Not because of what he did, but because I didn’t understand why my mother let him.”

Suddenly understanding the connection between the two, Ashlyn realized that Alyssa’s father had probably gotten what he wanted around the time Ali starting taking her beatings. And Alyssa was two years younger than Ali.

“My mother was broken, Ali. Not me.” Alyssa wouldn’t let her sink into the defeated mindset. “And neither are you. Look what you’ve done. Look where you are.”

When Ali didn’t look up, Alyssa scolded, “You’re dropping out, aren’t you? That’s why you went to camp after you won. You said you wouldn’t go until you graduated.”

The silence confirming Alyssa’s suspicion, she called again, “Dammit, Ali!”

“Nobody cares if I don’t graduate,” she whispered.

Letting go of her hold on her shoulders, Alyssa nodded in disgust, “That’s bullshit. I know YOU care,” she pointed. “Because that degree means that you’ll never have to rely on anyone. You’ll never be put into the position your mother was in.”

Ash slowly went to Ali and asked, “Can I hold you?”

Nodding, she went to Ashlyn and let her wrap her arms around her. The security she felt was worth everything. “Are you giving up, Ali,” she asked matter of fact. “It’s always been you and me against the world. Both of us going to school was always our priority. We were doing this together.”

Ali rested her head against Ashlyn again. “There’s something wrong with me.” She spoke in almost a whisper. “The last couple months I’ve felt this pressure in my chest. Almost like an anxiety. I feel disconnected from everything.”

Looking up at Ashlyn, she confessed, “I hadn’t planned on telling you about my mother. My bags are in my own room. I just wanted to spend some time with you before my flight home tomorrow.” Her eyes growing heavy again, she curled in to Ashlyn for comfort, “I’m just so tired.”

Megan went to the couple standing by the bed, “What do you feel disconnected from, Ali?”

Turning to face her, Ali shook her head a little, “Everything. I should feel like I’m on top of the world. I’ve been given a free college education. I’m paid a lot of money to live in another country during my summers to play soccer. All these people want to know me and take pictures and talk to me just because of it all. Have you seen my social media accounts? There’s three quarters of a million followers. I can’t even comprehend that. I’m up for some award in France that’s a huge deal...I don’t even speak French so I don’t know what it means but it’s really important. I had the president of the United States tell me what an inspiration I am to young girls around the world and all I can think about is how ungrateful I am.”

Alyssa stepped closer, “You’re not ungrateful.”

“All I want to do is cry. What reason do I have to cry?”

Ashlyn pulled her closer and whispered, “It sounds like you’re depressed.”

Ali nodded, “I figured that made sense. And when I got the call about my mother, I realized there really was something wrong with her. And I know there’s something wrong with me.”

“Stop saying that,” Ashlyn scolded.

Reaching for Ali, Megan bowed her head toward Ashlyn, “Don’t yell at her. She’s being honest and she’s asking for help. She came here for a reason.”

Her hands firmly on Ali’s shoulders, Megan waited for her to connect her brown eyes with hers, “What are you saying, Ali?”

“I don’t know how to deal with being this happy. I don’t know how to feel. My whole life I’ve been dirt poor and I’ve been on my own. I’ve never had anyone care about me. Now, I woke up and bought a plane ticket without even thinking about the money.” Reaching for Ashlyn’s hand, she half smiled, “I have a girlfriend who tells me every single day of my life that she wants to love me.” Looking to Alyssa, she went on, “And I have friends who understand me in ways that no one else ever will.” Pausing, when her voice broke up, Ali added, “And my mother….my mom…” Clearing her throat, “My mommy took her own life.” Breaking down, she put her hands to her face to cry.

Megan put an arm around her and looked to Ashlyn and Alyssa, “We’re just going to get some air.” Looking to Ali, she asked, “You want to take a walk with me and get some air?”

*

Slowly walking side by side, the pair walked down the busy street with cars rushing past. The wind blowing around them, Ali put the light blue cap on her head to keep her hair out of her face. They walked quietly for two blocks and made a turn down a long winding narrow throughway and crossed a field toward a fenced in school complex. There was a pick up basketball game going on across the field and a few people playing frisbee near the football field. Ali and Megan stopped at the playground and sat on the swing set side by side. The walk had helped dissipate some of the anxiety that had built up during the heated conversation.

Leaning her head against her hand that gripped the chain on the swing, Ali sat thinking. Pushing with her feet lightly, the swing glided back and forth. After a few minutes, her face had relaxed and she was almost smiling at the sensation.

“Do you feel a little calmer,” Megan questioned. Nodding, Ali whispered, “Yes. Thank you.” She was quiet a moment before she added, “I know you don’t like me very much.”

Quickly shooting her a look, Megan asked surprised, “What? Ali, that’s so not true. Why would…who…did Ashlyn tell you that?” She seemed genuinely offended and confused at the statement.

“No, it’s just a feeling.”

Stopping her swing, Megan held the chain still so she could look at Ali, “That’s not at all how I feel about you. I hope I haven’t don’t something to make you feel that way. I’ve actually always thought that you and I were a lot alike.”

Meeting Megan’s eyes, Ali asked, “How?”

“You know that Ash really loves you, right?”

Ali nodded.

“I mean really, really loves you. Like, she’s out of her mind for you.”

Ali blushed a little, “I know she does. I didn’t want to tell her about my mother because I know she’d worry. I didn’t want to ruin her playing in the games.”

Megan took a breath. “I tried to tell her she needed to check in with you on a more serious level once and she totally took it the wrong way. It had gotten around about what had happened on campus the night you...the night you and her sort of broke up.”

Her face flushed with embarrassment, “You heard about that?”

“Yeah, well, Alyssa and I knew each other from a soccer clinic we both attended one summer. And with social media, it turns out it’s a pretty small world. I didn’t want Ash to hear that you tried to kill yourself. So, I tried to tell her to check in with you. She got really mad at me and I dropped it.” Letting go of the swing chain, she added, “It wasn’t ‘Lyssa who started the rumor either. Her name got thrown in after the fact because everybody knew she was your roommate.”

Ali looked away embarrassed, “I always felt bad about her getting into trouble with me over that. She never told anyone what really happened. It was Abby, right?”

When Megan looked away, Ali apologized, “No. Don’t tell me. It’s not important.”

Looking back up, Megan offered, “If it’s any consolation, Ash’s name never came up because I don’t think anyone knew the real reason you were so upset. I wouldn’t have even known about you and ‘Lyssa if I didn’t know Ash as well as I do. She’s not a gossip.” Pausing, she went on, “Nobody’s linked you guys.”

Ali seemed on the verge of tears again. “I still don’t know why I did that to her. She’s never once given me a reason to want to hurt her.”

Megan smiled halfway and asked, “Maybe because you were really horny? Any nineteen-year-old college girl that hasn’t seen their girlfriend in two years and didn’t think about it would be a nun. Don’t beat yourself up so much. I told Ashlyn to take your pussy off the pedestal because you’re not perfect and I told her to get over herself thinking that she’s to blame for everything wrong in your life.”

Ali put her hand over her mouth to cover her snicker, “You did not say that?”

“Sure, I did. She acts like some martyr thinking she can fix everything. Not everything can be fixed. Not everything needs to be fixed.”

Ali smiled a little. “The day we actually met and spoke to each other for the first time, she saved my life. I don’t mean figuratively. If she wasn’t there in that moment, ….” Her voice trailed off.

“Ash has a flair for the dramatic. She said the same but not in so many words.”

“I was alone with this guy on the beach and he unzipped his pants and told me to blow him. I could be a little sarcastic sometimes and I told him to keep dreaming. He got really angry, put his hand around my throat and started to squeeze. By the time Ashlyn found us, I was on my knees out of breath choking to death. When he let go, I didn’t stand up right away because I was confused. He was going to kill me.”

Megan was staring with her mouth open. “Are you being serious? And what did Ash do?”

Nodding, Ali told her, “She came in all calm and cool and chatted him up about being named starting quarterback and got him thinking about all the cheerleaders that were going to want to bang him at the bonfire later and he lost interest in me and took off.”

Megan stood and looked down at Ali sitting on the swing, “You’ve really had a life, haven’t you?”

Shrugging her shoulders, the brunette shook her head, “I just lived. It was my life.”

Ali pushed back on the swing again, “You still didn’t tell me how you and I are so alike.”

Looking over at the basketball game on the other side of the field, Megan smiled to herself, “I had other problems. It’s all in the same vein but nonetheless problematic.”

Ali took the UNC hat off her head and stilled her motions on the swing to show her respect.

“I went to the Academy of the Blessed Virgin.” Glancing over her shoulder with a smirking grin, she nodded, “I’ll allow a moment to pause and giggle at the thought of me surrounded by nuns in church all day.”

Smiling, Ali asked, “Was this high school?”

Turning around completely, Megan shook her head, “Oh, no. It’s not that simple. The school started in Kindergarten and ran all the way through high school. However, for our purposes here today, let’s say it was the end of my freshman year of high school. So I’d put up with quite a lot of nuns and church and the word of God at this point.”

Narrowing her eyes a bit, Ali asked, “Is that Christian or Catholic? I don’t know the difference.”

“The Church of Brittney. Does it matter? What are you?”

Frowning, Ali shook her head, “I don’t know. The House of the Devil. I’m gay, remember?”

Holding up a finger, Megan exclaimed, “Aha! Now you’ve got it. Your teachers weren’t preaching to you about the evils of your ways all day long with a peppering of church every morning. And for your information, it’s LES-bian, not gay. Get it right.” Her antics were over the top animated.

Ali was stifling a smile and replaced it with a smirk to avoid laughing. “No one ever said anything about that stuff at school.”

“Yeah. Well, they had their radar on me. I swear they knew before I did. They made it hard.” Her voice had lowered and her tone had changed.

“The end of the school year there was a mandatory dance. It was like part of your grade. You had to go. We had to wear skirts and knee socks and I hated it. By the time this dance came along, I’d pretty much figured out what I liked. And it certainly wasn’t any of those sweaty pimply faced jerks that were coming from the boys academy.”

*

_Ali had started thinking about all the boys she kissed at school every day to keep the girls from bullying her. By having a constant boy on her arm it seemed to make her blend in better. She didn’t particularly care for any of them but it seemed like a necessary sacrifice to protect herself. Halfway through middle school, a group of girls began picking on her everywhere she went. It was all very random: her clothes, her lack of style, her lunch choice or anything to start a fight. Lately they began cornering her in places where things began to get physical: mostly pushing and shoving. It was easy to see things were going to escalate quickly._

_They were all in the gym one day for a pep rally and the group that always seemed to find her, of course, was sitting close enough to start tormenting her. She turned her head in the opposite direction in an attempt to ignore them. She noticed one of the popular boys watching her. When he smiled a little she smiled back just hoping to find a friendly face. Without really thinking too much about it, she leaned over and gave him a peck on the lips. His face turned a bright shade of embarrassed when his body reacted the way thirteen-year-old boys bodies do. When words escaped him, she whispered, “Was that ok?” He nodded and she whispered, “We can do it again later if you want?” Again, he nodded. When they started holding hands, Ali looked back and the girls were only watching and stopped bothering her. It was as simple as that._

_*_

“They wanted to make you dance, didn’t they?” Ali thought about the way the boys she got close to always smelled. Some were sweaty, some smelled horrible and some wore the worst types of too much cologne. There was nothing that she remembered about it that was enjoyable. But it still had never crossed her mind that there might be another option.

Megan nodded, “I knew it was coming. I’d worked myself up so bad I had pimples all over the place.” Pacing around the front of the swing set, she went on, “We were all lined up and they started picking us out and putting us together on the dance floor.”

“Finally I just snapped. I ran out of the dance hall and I ended up failing one of my classes because of it. I thought it was the end of the world and my parents were all upset that I was a discipline problem. That summer my parents kept me from playing soccer. The nuns told them I needed to be more connected to what was important. I had to go to this summer school type thing every day until school started up again in September. It was awful. About two weeks in I decided I couldn’t take any more.”

Ali thought about having people constantly in Megan’s face all day trying to change her and make her be someone she wasn’t. “I think you’re a great person. You’re funny and smart…and you’re a good friend.” She knew it wasn’t going to end with anything good but she still wanted to make sure that Megan knew how she felt. “What did you do?”

Megan sat down on the swing beside Ali and was silent. She leaned forward on her knees and was looking at her shoes. She tilted her head and held out her foot so she could see the side view. Then she looked at the other. Ali reached over and put a hand on her arm.

“I took a big fat handful of my mother’s valium. I just wanted to check out.”

Knowing the feeling of hopelessness, Ali felt tears well up in her eyes. “What happened?”

“My mother found me, took me to the hospital. We went to family therapy, talked things out. I told them who I am. They pulled me out of the school.” Standing dramatically and throwing her arms out, “And here I am, world!”

Looking down at Ali with tears streaking her face, Megan asked, “Why are you crying, kiddo? What you got there is a happy ending.”

“But why did it have to come to that?”

“I guess I didn’t know how to talk to my parents. I didn’t think they’d understand or accept me.” Megan was watching Ali and finally asked, “OK, tough love time, kid. Are you thinking about hurting yourself?”

Ali slowly shook her head no.

“Anybody ever tell you you’re a bad liar?”

Ali dropped her shoulders, “I’m not. I’m not where I was in my head last time. Honest.”

“Tell me about last time.”

“There’s nothing to tell. After Ash broke up with me, I went up to the roof of the main building and sat on the edge. I cried about how what I’d done had ruined my relationship and decided that I didn’t deserve to live.”

“Jesus, Ali.”

“Alyssa had been looking for me. I left that morning and she hadn’t seen me since. When she found me, I was crying and she pretty much knew what I was going to do. She kept talking to me and she started to cry, begging me to come back down with her. She called to someone on the ground and they sent security up to get us. They thought we were up there messing around and they wanted to suspend us. They told us how stupid and dangerous it was to play around on the roof and she took the punishment with me and never told the truth. We sat in the office waiting to find out what was going to happen and I said if she told that she wouldn’t get into trouble. She said that she loved me too much to ruin my life.” She halfway smiled and continued, “Then she told me to pull my head out of my ass and live this charmed life that other people would kill for and I was going to throw away.” She hesitated and nodded, “That got to me. I thought about how I wanted nothing more than to get out from under the poverty I was living in. I wanted to educate myself so I’d never have to lean on anyone the way my mother had done.”

“That’s when you did that interview about you being in the lab in ten years. Because Ash broke up with you.”

Ali nodded. “I told myself if I didn’t do another thing, I would graduate and get a degree. I certainly didn’t want to fall in love with someone else. I’d already broke Ashlyn’s heart. I felt stupid for almost throwing everything away. ‘Lys and I have been close ever since. Occasionally, she’ll test me. But I’ve been firm with her about it.”

Letting out an exasperated breath, Megan asked, “She’s still pursuing you?”

Half shrugging one shoulder, Ali looked down.

“When was the last time?”

“When I just visited camp.”

“Two weeks ago?” When Ali nodded, Megan ran her hand over her face. “Maybe I should just let Ash kick her ass. That’s fucked up. What’d she do?”

“She came in the room when Ash and I…well, while we were having sex.”

Megan shook her head and closed her eyes in disbelief. “I’m gonna kill her,” she mumbled to herself. “I’m gonna outright kill her.”

“When she tried to kiss me later, I stop…” Interrupting Ali, Megan screamed, “WHEN SHE WHAT!”

Ali stood up from the swing and said, “I can’t imagine how she feels. I’m not saying how she’s going about it is right, but I’m trying to be patient.”

Holding her hands out in front of her, to calm herself, Megan shook her head, “Ok, let’s put a pin in that. I think you need to talk to someone. You’ve got to know when you have to help yourself. And if you don’t, know you’ve got a friend like me who’ll kick you in the ass when you need it.”

Putting an arm around Ali’s shoulder, Megan pulled her in close, “I think we’re stuck with each other for a long time. All of us. We need to be able to talk to each other. This is only the beginning of a great ride. I can feel it.”

Looking over, her bottom lip pulled in nervously, Ali finally smiled, “Thanks, Megan.” As they walked, side by side, Ali shook her head, “I can’t believe I have to bury my mother. She was so young. I always thought I’d have time to repair our relationship.”

“How old?”

“Thirty-eight. She was barely out of high school when she had me. That was her big life goal for me. To graduate high school before I got pregnant.” Letting out a nervous laugh, she wondered, “I hope she was happy about what I’ve done. I always tried hard to be a good kid.”

Squeezing Ali’s shoulder, Megan reminded, “Hey, she’s a mom. They live for that shit. I guarantee you that knew every single thing you did. Promise.”

Blushing a little, Ali nodded, “…..Thanks.”


	11. Perfect Circle

  
When Megan and Ali returned to the room, Ashlyn and Alyssa had stretched out on the bed beside each other talking. Ash sat up quickly and looked to both of them questioningly, “Is everything alright?”

  
Megan smiled and nodded, “Yes.”

  
Ali sat on the edge of the bed and promised, “I’m ok.”

  
“Listen,” Megan began, “Why don’t you guys go back to Ali’s room so you can spend some time together. I need to have a talk with my good friend, Alyssa.”

  
Ali shot Megan a look and pleaded, “Don’t…”

  
Megan caressed her cheek and promised, “I’ll be kind.”

  
*

  
On the elevator, Ali leaned up and tried to kiss Ashlyn but the stretching hurt too much. Ash leaned in and found her lips, “Don’t hurt yourself. I’m not leaving you.”  
Taking a step back, Ali told her, “I’m going to get some counseling.”

  
Reaching around her waist and pulling her closer, Ashlyn let out a breath, “I think that’s a good idea. Did it help after you were in the hospital?”

  
Looking up surprised, she shook her head, “I didn’t know you knew.”

  
“Mr. Russell, I mean your dad, told me. He only said that you were talking to someone after it happened probably because you were sixteen.” Caressing under her chin, Ashlyn comforted, “It made me feel better to know someone was looking out for you.” 

Ashlyn followed Ali into her room and when she stopped at the foot of her bed, she stood behind her and placed soft kisses on her neck. Sweeping her hair to one side, her lips lightly grazed the exposed skin and Ali leaned back against Ashlyn. Her hands slid to hold her hips from behind and she whispered, “I don’t want to be disrespectful.” 

  
Tugging her leggings down a little, Ali guided Ash’s hand into the front of her panties. She could immediately feel the difference of her injured body. Her clitoris was deeply nestled among soft flesh that was relaxed and moist. “Are you alright? You don’t feel like you want this.”

  
Resting her head back against Ashlyn’s shoulder, Ali nodded, “I’m alright. I don’t think my body can orgasm but your touch feels nice.” Her body was aroused and slick as she subtly rocked her hips against Ashlyn’s fingers but only as surface friction. Nothing about her delicate skin was swollen or taut.

  
When Ali stilled her hand, Ashlyn kissed her neck and whispered, “Let me run you a bath. It’ll make you feel better.” 

  
The brunette immediately agreed without protest. “Ok.” She held her hand against her chest for a moment, just enjoying her touch. Then she looked up slowly, “You make me feel better.”

  
Ashlyn filled the tub with water while Ali gathered some things from her bag. When she came to her side, her eyes were heavy again with burden. “It’s ready for you,” Ash offered. 

  
Ali pulled her tee shirt over her head and Ashlyn looked at the discoloration across her skin. Running her hand lightly over her side and around her waist, Ashlyn leaned closer to question, “How much pain are you in?”

  
When Ali met her hazel eyes that were filled with concern, she’d taken in a quick breath to answer her but then let it out and confessed, “It hurts.”

  
Pulling her into her arms, Ashlyn questioned, “When is the flight?”

  
“Twelve forty-five.”

  
When Ali leaned over to dip her hand in the water, Ashlyn said, “While you’re in here I’ll see if I can get on the same one.”

  
Standing quickly, Ali held her side in pain from the jerking movement, “What?”

  
“The same flight. I’ll see if I can…” Cutting the blonde off, Ali was shaking her head, “No, Ash. No. I won’t let you do that.” She’d put both her palms against her chest and looked up into her eyes, “You’re not leaving Paris.” Reaching a hand up and holding her face lightly, Ali met her surprised stare, “You’re sweet. You’re so sweet but you’re not going to do that for me. There’s nothing you can do. She’s gone.” Ashlyn was still poised to speak and Ali frowned, “I mean it. I’ll miss my flight and that’ll be that. I’m not spoiling this for you.”

  
Taking her by the shoulders lightly, Ashlyn shook her head, “You aren’t spoiling anything, love. Relax.”

  
Ali was very serious with her protest, “I will not burden you with my dysfunction and have you not play in the Olympics. You’re better than that. You deserve better than me always screwing up your life.”

  
“Whoa, hold on.” Ashlyn was frowning, “Who said you’re screwing up my life?" Taking her hands and holding them, Ashlyn reminded her, “You are my life, honey. You’re stuck with me.”

*

When Ali came out of the bathroom, there was a tray of food that Ashlyn had ordered from room service. She was just returning to the room with a bucket of ice. “Hey, I know you said you’ve had enough ice but…” Holding the bucket up, “I think you should put a little bit more.”

  
Ali stifled a smile, “Alright.” 

  
Sitting down beside her on the edge of the bed, Ashlyn handed her a bag with enough ice to cover her side. Ali winced a little at the cold and the tenderness of the area. “I’m sorry I yelled at you,” she apologized. 

  
Pulling the rolling table tray closer, Ash smiled back, “It’s ok. I know you’re upset.”

  
Ali was still watching her. She took a cover from a large plate that had an assortment of fruit and some sliced apples around it. She poured a large glass of ice water and reached for one of the linen napkins before she noticed her. “What’s wrong?” Her brown eyes had welled with tears that had yet to spill over and she was keeping her bottom lip from quivering by lightly biting it. Shaking her head, she smiled a bit and blinked heavily, “I don’t have the words to tell you how much you mean to me.”

  
Putting the plate closer so she didn’t have to reach, she handed her the glass. “I know you said you weren’t really hungry, but I figured this is light.” 

*

  
When she’d finished eating, Ashlyn tucked her in to bed the way she liked with pillows around her and covered her with the blanket. It wasn’t long after that she was fast asleep. 

  
Sitting across from her on the opposite bed, Ashlyn texted Megan:

  
Do you want to come to the room and talk?

  
After a few minutes, there was a light knock on the door. When Ashlyn answered it, Megan told her, “I figured you’d be busy the rest of the night.” 

  
Stepping aside for her, Ash shook her head, “She’s really messed up.”

  
Standing with her hands on her hips, Megan watched Ali sleeping, “She’s gonna be alright.” Turning to look at her friend, she asked, “Are you ok?” 

  
Ashlyn glanced over at Ali sleeping quietly and nodded. When her body betrayed her and she sniffled back her emotions, she met Megan’s stare and shook her head, “No, not really.”

  
They sat on the other side of the room and Ashlyn threw her hands up, “I don’t know what to do. She told me she doesn’t want me to go back home with her.”

  
“Don’t you have some important business here?”

  
Looking over at Ali again, she questioned, “I’m supposed to just let her go through this alone?”

  
“I can’t tell you what to do. But you’ve said she’s pretty smart. Maybe listen to what she wants.”

  
Picking up a piece of sliced apple and peeling off the skin, Ash asked, “So what’d you guys talk about?”

  
Leaning back in the chair, Megan shrugged, “You know. Girl stuff. Traded make up tips.” She smiled halfway and nodded, “She’s gonna be ok. But if you want my professional opinion, she’s depressed, daddy issues, fear of abandonment, low self-esteem…I could go on, but you know what the amazing thing is?”

  
“Do tell…Ms. Psychology Major.”

  
“She’s stubborn, strong willed, loyal as hell, has an incredible support system and you know what else? That’s right, you guessed it ladies and gentlemen, she’s smart enough to recognize that. That’s why she came here.”

  
“She needed to just know that I supported her? And I’m here if she needs me?”

  
“In so many words, yeah. She doesn’t always want you to ‘fix’ it for her.”

  
“It’s going to kill me to let her go alone.” 

  
Standing up, Megan nodded, “I know. Just remember something, so does she. Don’t make it that much harder on her.” Raising her eyebrows, Ash ran her hand over her face and nodded.

  
Turning for the door, Megan made sure they connected one last time. Then she opened the door and quietly closed it behind her. Turning off the main light, Ashlyn pulled back the covers and climbed into bed behind Ali. Almost as soon as she’d settled in with the covers over them, Ali had rolled over and was facing her. When she reached her arms out, Ali was already tucking herself into her favorite place to be. Holding her close, she felt her body relax and her breathing even out as she slept.


	12. Kiss Off

  
When Ashlyn closed the door behind her, Megan turned back to look at Alyssa sitting on the edge of the furthest bed with one of her legs pulled up underneath her. 

  
Megan folded her arms over herself and began to walk slowly around the first bed while keeping Alyssa as her steady focus the whole time. The younger girl tried to pull her eyes away twice but the intensity in Megan’s eyes as she silently strolled closer forced her to keep watching. Megan stood at the foot of the bed now, just standing silently. When her nerves got the best of her, Alyssa stood quickly and took a step before Megan dropped her arms and blocked her pathway. 

  
“Sit down,” Megan commanded. 

  
Quickly sitting again, Alyssa leaned her elbows on her legs and dropped her focus to her hands that were fiddling nervously. After a long silence that rendered her uncomfortable enough to dare a glance up at Megan, Alyssa threw her hands up silently in question. 

  
Megan’s left eye twitched a little and she took in a deep breath before she spoke. “Am I being a bully? Is this,” she gestured with her hand, “Is this upsetting you?” 

  
Shaking her head quickly, Alyssa shrugged her shoulders as well. 

  
Taking another deep breath, Megan questioned, “Are you comfortable? Do you need anything?”

  
Alyssa nervously shook her head then nodded and answered, “I’m o-ok.”

  
Stepping back, Megan smiled, “Good. I’m glad.” Sitting on the bed directly across from her, she folded her arms over herself again. Leaning forward on her hands, Alyssa’s eyes darted from Megan to the door to her hands and then back up to Megan again. When the quiet proved too much, Alyssa licked her dry lips and cleared her throat, “So, what’s up?”

  
Letting out a short laugh, Megan began, “I’m glad you decided to ask.” Folding her hands in her lap, she continued, “Do you remember, when Becky and Ali came to camp after they won….” When Alyssa started to quickly nod, Megan held up a hand, “Hang on, let me finish. There’s more…” 

  
Sitting back down from where she had partially begun to stand, Alyssa sat quietly. 

  
“So, they came to visit and we talked about…, you and I…,” She gestured between them, “And we said we noticed that they were dying to be alone together and we decided to make some room changes between us so that could happen?” Megan stood and paced back and forth between the foot of the two beds, “We said it would be nice for them to be alone so they could relax and no one would make them uncomfortable and they’d have privacy?” Stopping to look at Alyssa, she leaned in and raised her voice as she repeated, “So they could be alone and have some privacy, right?”  
Alyssa pursed her lips and looked down into her lap.

  
When there was no verbal response or confirmation of the statement, Megan harshly asked, “What the hell were you thinking, ‘Lys? How did you end up walking in on them having sex? Explain to me exactly what went through your head and you decided that it would be ok to come back to the room that you previously said you would vacate so your supposed best friend could spend the night with her girlfriend. You’re a big girl now, you know very well that the reason we were giving them some much needed alone time was so that they could have sex. So, I’m all ears now for what that reason was.” Sitting on the opposite bed, Megan leaned in, “Go ahead.” Motioning toward herself with both hands, she coaxed, “Lay it on me.”

  
Alyssa finally looked up rolling her eyes, “Alright, I…” 

  
Holding up a hand, Megan stopped her. “Wait a minute, I know you’re not stupid. So, I’m not going to even listen to whatever crap excuse you have for going back into the room. Let me ask you this…do you have any idea how ridiculously creepy that makes you look? Were you hoping to have a three-some?”

  
Alyssa was silent and unmoving. She was caught between her own racing thoughts coupled with the things Megan had said. Finally focusing on her angry face, she slowly frowned and shook her head, “I don’t have an answer.”

  
“Right now,” Holding up a finger, “I’m not sure where I stand with you. I can’t tell if you’re crazy or if you’re absolutely evil. If you’re crazy and irrational, we can get you some help because it means you just don’t know what in the hell you’re even doing. However, if you’re evil and you were looking to destroy your best friends’ relationship and hurt your other friend beyond reason for your own selfish satisfaction, then we can fix that too. I tell Ashlyn you’ve been hitting on Ali every chance you get and I stop standing up for you and protecting you by trying to smooth things over all the time. Ashlyn’ll kill you, problem solved. Now what do you got to say?”

  
“I was having a hard time getting over her.”

  
“You don’t say.” Megan folded her arms again. “How long do you think it’ll take when Ashlyn finds this out and starts kicking your ass all over the state? Ali was too nice with you because she likes you. Anybody else that you pulled this shit with, and I do mean anybody, would have had their partner kick your ass or filed charges against you by now.”

  
Megan then added, “When Ali tried to jump off the roof because she was so upset at what she’d done, do you think then it might have been a good time to back off? She was going to kill herself because she thought she lost the love of her life. And in your mind, you saw that as some kind of sick invitation to keep tempting her every chance you had? Where does it end, ‘Lys? If they come back in here tomorrow and say they eloped and got married and a year down the road have a child, do you still see you trying to insert yourself somewhere and break up a family?” 

  
Dropping her gaze, Alyssa thought about how hurt Ali was when Ash broke up with her because of what they’d done. “After I saw them in bed…” Cutting her off, Megan shushed, “Sshhhh, I don’t want to hear the play by play. They’re my friends.”

  
“Later on…,” 

  
Cutting her off again, Megan said, “You still tried to kiss her. I know.”

  
Angrily standing, Alyssa balled up her fists, “HEY!”

  
Standing to not quite eye level, Megan challenged her, “What?”

  
Alyssa lowered her voice, “She understands me. I never met someone who…knows. I mean…really knows.” Her face was colored with embarrassment and her eyes filled with tears. “I just didn’t want to lose that connection with her.” 

  
Letting out a breath, Megan’s face softened, “Hey, look at me.” Reaching for her face with both her hands, Megan comforted, “You’ll never lose that connection you have with her. Ali will always be the most loyal friend you’ll ever have. But time for tough love, kid. The forced sexual advances have to stop. Don’t you see you’re doing to her what you both had to live through already. It doesn’t feel good to have somebody force themselves on you, you know that.”

  
Slowly sitting back down on the bed, Alyssa whispered to herself, “Oh, God.” She put both her hands to her head and shook it, “She must hate me.”

  
Kneeling in front of the keeper, Megan took her hands, “No, she loves you. That’s why she’s put up with it. Probably reliving what happened to her every time you do that and she’s still your friend. If you still want to have some kind of relationship with her, cut it out.”

  
Alyssa was nodding slowly. 

  
Sitting beside her friend, Megan added, “Lys, I want you to have a healthy relationship with your friends and some day a partner. You have to talk to someone about this before it gets out of hand. I can say to you the whole ‘sex doesn’t equal love’ thing and you’ll tell me you know that but you have to believe it. You have to recognize the different feelings and separate them so there’s no confusion. You feel such a strong connection to Ali for very valid reasons but …”

  
“It’s not healthy,” Alyssa whispered. “I thought the sex would make her love me. My father used to…” Her voice trailed off and she met Megan’s honest concern with hers, “Yeah. I need help.” 

  
Resting her forehead against Alyssa’s, Megan smiled through her own tears, “You’re gonna be ok, kid. You’re not even nineteen years old, you got the world by the balls. Plus, you got the best friends in the world, including me.”

  
Smiling, Alyssa wiped her tears and asked, “Do you think Ash and Ali will forgive me?”

  
Clapping a hand on her cheek, Megan nodded, “That’s what friends do.”


	13. Wake Me Up

When morning came, the soft light from the outside found its way through the subtle opening in the curtains and cast muted hues of pale pink and delicate orange on the walls. Ashlyn woke feeling Ali’s warm skin against her and it made her smile. Running her fingertips up and down her back, she finally realized Ali had taken her clothes off during the night and was lying naked in her arms.

Opening her eyes and glancing down, she was met with the stare of soft almonds watching her. When Ali smiled slightly, Ashlyn leaned in and found her lips to place a quick peck on them, “Good morning.”

Closing her eyes, Ali hugged Ashlyn tighter and mumbled into her chest, “...morning.” Unable to stop herself from lowering her one hand down past Ali’s hip and cupping one her cheeks with her hand gently, Ashlyn smiled, “I like how you always end up naked in my arms.” She kissed her shoulder and was still smiling when Ali pulled away until she noticed a hurt look on her face. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t always end up naked.” She was frowning as she spoke, “I choose when and I decide with whom I’ll take my clothes off.”

Her sudden tone was confusing. When Ali pulled away from Ashlyn’s hold, she begged, “Wait. What happened? I don’t understand?”

She sat up on the side of the bed with her back to Ashlyn who was poised to reach for her when she stopped and looked at the bruising on her body. “Ali, I think you need to go to the hospital.” When there was no response, she tried again, “Alex, are you listening to me?”

Sitting up quickly, Ashlyn put an arm around her and her head immediately fell against her shoulder, “I’m listening…”

“Are you in pain?”

She was leaning forward slightly and Ashlyn could see her eyes were swimming with delirium. “Alex?”

Lying herself sideways on the bed, she found the pillow and rested her head on it. She pulled her legs back up onto the mattress and reached around blindly for the blankets to cover her. Ashlyn tucked her under the warmth of the comforter and rested beside her, “Alex, look at me.”

She complied but only for a moment, before she was pulling herself closer against Ashlyn again, looking for the familiar feeling of security. Wrapping her arms around her, she could feel that it relaxed her when she let out a breath and whispered, “I’m really sore, Ash. I couldn’t get comfortable last night.”

Kissing her forehead, Ashlyn told her, “You need a doctor. You know that right?”

Nodding against her chest, Ali hummed her confirmation. Then Ashlyn felt her whole body tense up in her arms.

“What’s wrong?”

Pushing herself up a little, Ali started to sweat and beads of perspiration broke out on her forehead. Covering her mouth with her hand, she heaved a little before sitting up. Pulling her tee shirt over her head in a panic, she quickly found her panties and pulled them on. On the edge of the bed, she warned aloud, “I’m going to be sick…” Steadying herself, she put her hand to her mouth again. As she stood, she held a hand out trying to convince herself she was alright. Then, she ran to the bathroom and after she disappeared, Ashlyn could hear her getting sick.

Going to her side, Ali was kneeling in front of the toilet dry heaving. The tears and crying that came along with the loss of control had her waving Ashlyn away, “Please,…” Between gagging sounds, “Go away.”

Running a washcloth under cool water, Ashlyn placed it around the back of her neck before gathering up her hair and pulling it into a hairband. Then, rubbing her back soothingly, she comforted, “Try and relax.”

When Ali had seemingly calmed herself, she sat back and pulled the washcloth from her neck to wipe her face. Looking up at Ashlyn she nodded, “Now I’m worried. I need to see a doctor.”

Checking the time, Ashlyn told her, “I’m going to get our medical officer. He’ll take care of you and get you to a hospital.” Ali nodded and Ashlyn told her, “Stay here.”

Before she took a couple steps, she turned back and gently caressed Ali’s chin with her hand. She smiled and whispered, “I love you.”

When Ashlyn returned with their physician at her side, he knelt beside her and smiled, “I’m Dr. Alan, what’s going on, Ali?”

Sitting on the linoleum floor and leaning back against the tub, she told him, “I took a bad hit yesterday. I have a bruised kidney.”

“Can I take a look,” he questioned.

Looking to Ashlyn who was standing behind him, she nodded her approval. Leaning over slightly, she let him lift her tee shirt to see her side and back. Running his hand over her skin lightly, he sighed, “That’s quite a bruise. Did they do a CT scan?”

Ali nodded, “Yes, I only had a little bleeding. They said I could go home if I rest. My mother died. I have to arrange her funeral.”

Meeting her eyes sympathetically, he apologized, “I’m sorry about that Ali. How bad was the bruise yesterday?”

Moving very deliberately, she told him, “About the size of an egg on my side.”

“Was it this swollen,” as he ran his hand over the area, “I can feel a lot of swelling.”

“I don’t think so.”

Lifting the tee shirt up higher, he was able to reveal the extent of the bruise. As he took a marker from his bag, he outlined the margin across her back. “Any blood in the urine?”

Dropping her gaze to the floor, she nodded, “Yes, just now. It’s blood.”

“Red or pink?”

“It’s red.”

“Nausea or vomiting?”

“Yes.”

Taking his phone out, he started texting as he spoke, “Ali, we have to get you to the hospital, right away. Do you have any allergies?”

Shaking her head, she whispered, “No.”

“I have to put a little pressure on your back, bear with me, ok?” As he felt the area, he nodded to himself and stood to make a phone call. “Stay with her,” he nodded to Ash.

Sitting beside her on the floor, Ali met Ashlyn’s eyes, “What can you see?”

Taking a deep breath, she answered, “The bruise covers your whole lower back and around your side. It’s really dark.”

Stretching her legs out, she asked, “Can you bring my clothes?” Returning with her leggings, socks, shoes and bra, Ashlyn helped her put everything on but held her bra up, “I don’t think you should wear this. It might hurt.”

When the doctor came back in the room, he knelt beside her again, “How much pain are you in, Ali?”

It seemed like she was thinking about her answer when Ashlyn called out in a stern voice, “Alex…”

Meeting his eyes, she nodded, “It’s pretty bad. I’m sick to my stomach.”

*

When the ambulance arrived, they fastened the safety straps across Ali to carefully secure her on the stretcher. She watched them quietly with heavy eyes as Ashlyn stood by her side, “I’ll call your dad and Paul.” She nodded and the EMT at her side commented, “IV is in but pressure’s dropping, guys. We gotta go.”

Ashlyn was holding her hand. When they lifted it up and were ready to leave, Ali squeezed Ashlyn’s hand and smiled a little. Wanting to hug her and kiss her and give her comfort, Ashlyn settled for mouthing ‘love you’ as they wheeled her out of the hotel room. There were several staff and a collection of teammates in the hall that had gathered during the whole time.

Following close behind the stretcher as they wheeled her toward the elevator, Ashlyn kept Ali’s focus on her and never stopped smiling. There wasn’t enough room for her to follow on the elevator. Once they were gone, she turned and pushed open the stairwell door and quickly descended the five flights of stairs three steps at a time.

Rushing into the foyer, she was waiting when the doors to the elevator opened and they wheeled out the stretcher. By now, Ali’s eyes were closed and it was obvious that they’d given her something for the pain that had put her to sleep. Her head was relaxed to one side and her hand was resting against her chest grasping the ring that hung from the silver chain around her neck.

Ashlyn followed slowly to the ambulance and watched them load the stretcher into the back. Once it pulled away, Alan came to her side and comforted, “You did the right thing. She’s going to be ok. They’ll get the bleeding under control.” She looked over at him unable to form any worthwhile comments. “It’s just bad timing. If she didn’t have to deal with the funeral, there might have been more time for her to rest so they could catch it”

Nodding, Ash took a deep breath, “Thanks.”

Resting a hand on her shoulder, he promised, “Try not to worry. She’s going to be fine.”

Walking through the lobby, Ashlyn stopped when she saw Megan standing with Alyssa at her side. They looked like they were on the way to the bus to go out when they saw the commotion.

Continuing toward them, Alyssa took a step closer, “They said that was Ali.”

Ashlyn slid her hands into her pockets and looked down at the floor. She could feel herself becoming emotional. “When we woke up she wasn’t making any sense. Her whole lower back was so bruised up, it was hard to look at.”

Alyssa left them to go to the front desk while Megan asked, “Did she sleep all night?”

“I think so but I can’t be sure. When she’s beside me I sleep like a rock.”

Returning to their side, Alyssa told them, “The hospital is only three blocks away. Are we going?”

Ashlyn looked over angrily and asked, “Why are you so anxious to get there?”

Her eyebrows raised in surprise; Alyssa back up a step. Megan could see how hurt she was.

Putting a hand on her shoulder, Megan coaxed, “Hey, go easy. She cares about her too.” Looking over to her friend, Ash ran her hand back through her hair, “I’m sorry. This was rough. Of course I want to go over there now.”

*

Once inside the lobby of the hospital, Alyssa asked for Ali’s room at reception. Megan looked over to Ash and smiled when she realized she spoke French. Alyssa had a quick conversation with the woman and then turned and shook her head, “They won’t let us in.”

Ashlyn straightened up and puffed her chest, “What?”

Her loud response forced Alyssa to shrink back a little, “They won’t let us in. We’re not family.”

Ashlyn stood stunned for a moment, speechless for a response. Looking from the receptionist to Alyssa, Ashlyn shook her head in disbelief, “You…you tell her that I’m her family. You tell her that …it’s me.”

Alyssa tried one more time to have a conversation. When she stood staring a moment before turning, she looked back to Ash again and shook her head.

Megan mumbled under her breath “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Looking over to Ash, she then said, “She must be in surgery. They don’t have a room and can’t tell us anything.”

“Surgery?” Ashlyn quickly turned and left the lobby. Standing outside, she pulled out her cell phone and found Jackson Russell’s contact information. She waited for the call to connect and started explaining what had happened.

Megan and Alyssa stood just inside the foyer watching. “Do you really think she’s in surgery?” Alyssa whispered.

Glancing over, Megan responded, “Do you really think Ali wouldn’t be calling? I guarantee you she’s unconscious.”

When Ashlyn returned, she told them, “He’s going to call and give me full access. He’ll let me know as soon as he gets some information.”

“Try not to worry.” Alyssa began, “Her father will make sure you can see her, right?” Ashlyn thought about it and nodded, “He will. I have no doubt.” They stood in the lobby for what felt like hours, but after 45 minutes, Ashlyn’s cell phone rang. Walking outside, she took the call in private with Megan and Alyssa watching through the glass. They could see Ashlyn pacing back and forth as she spoke and then stopped to listen. When she started to talk again, her pacing would resume until the conversation changed and she ended the call. Standing with the phone in her hand, she stared at it for a moment before sliding it into her pocket and coming back inside. Her face displayed the seriousness before she even spoke a syllable.

Megan quickly held out her hands in anticipation, “And?”

“He said they were just getting ready to take her into surgery and he was able to speak with the doctor. They’re going to try and get the bleeding under control and save her kidney. He said she might lose it.” Ashlyn was still trying to get more out but her voice choked up and she had to clear her throat.

“Take your time,” Alyssa soothed.

“They said her blood pressure bottomed out and she went into shock. So they’re working to fix all of that as fast as they can. Jackson said that it’s going to be hours, but we can go to the waiting room. You guys don’t have to sit here. It’s ok.”

She turned her back to them and took a few steps closer to the wall. Resting her head against it, she started to sniffle back tears. Putting a hand on her back, Megan leaned in close, “You’ve got to hold it together, Ash.”

Looking over at her friend, she began, “Why didn’t I make her go to the hospital?”

Reaching for her arm, Alyssa shook her head, ““Don’t do that to yourself. If they didn’t keep her and were ready to let her fly home, then even they didn’t know. At least you called someone. She would have been on the plane when all this got really bad. You probably saved her life. There was a reason she came to see you before she left. She knew she was safe with you.”

Looking back at Alyssa, Ash was thinking. Megan nodded, “She’s probably right. They cleared her to fly home.”

Turning and leaning her back against the wall, Ashlyn offered, “Regardless, I’m going up to the waiting room.”

“We’re coming with you,” Megan added.

*

The trio basically sat in silence for close to eight hours, sat silently, no one speaking, until Ash whispered, “Jackson said he’s taking the first flight he can to get himself here. He sounded rattled. That’s what upset me.”

“That’s how parents are supposed to react when their child is hurt.” Megan was holding Ashlyn captive with her stare. When it was close to seven, a man from the hospital approached them and asked who they were waiting for. Ashlyn stood and told him, “I’m waiting for news on my sister, Alex Krieger.”

Reading through the list of surgical procedures still in progress, he looked up sympathetically and asked, “Can you follow me?”

He led them to a large room with comfortable furniture. Turning, he asked, “Can I get you anything?”

They all shook their head and sat into the chairs. After he left, slowly, Alyssa began to cautiously ask, “Does this mean…..”

Cutting her off, Ash growled, “It doesn’t mean anything.” They sat in silence again with no one speaking a word.


	14. The rain, the park and other things....

Megan pulled out her phone and glanced at the time. Eight forty-five. Stealing a glance over at Ashlyn, she lifted her head when she was caught. Ashlyn was watching her then looked at the phone she was holding. Then, she asked, “What does it mean? They’re still working, right?”

Nodding, Megan dropped her phone into her lap and agreed, “They’re still working. It’s a good sign.”

Looking over to Alyssa who was leaning her head on her hand, Ashlyn could see the exhaustion and the worry on her face and in her tired eyes. She was slumped down in the chair, her head rested half on her hand and half against the high back side of the chair. It was easy to see that she wanted to make conversation and vent her concern for Ali but she was afraid to open her mouth because Ashlyn snapped at her every comment.

Alyssa broke her gaze with Ash and looked over at Megan briefly only to return her stare to Ashlyn again.

When the door to the waiting room opened, Ashlyn sprang from her chair. An older man with grey at the temples approached her with a younger looking intern at his side. Megan and Alyssa stood and came to Ashlyn’s side.

“You’re here for Alex Krieger?” His voice was deep and unwavering. The chilly blue in his eyes were piercing but never broke their focus on her when she nodded, “Yes.”

Holding out a hand, he introduced, “I’m Dr. Langon, her surgeon.” He smiled and his accent was thick when he continued, “I’m going to have my intern translate for me. My English is not good.”

The young man at his side introduced, “I assisted with the procedure. I’m Dr. Langon’s intern.”

The doctor began speaking and the young intern nodded as he listened and then began, “There was a lot of blood loss. There was a large clot in the kidney that we were able to remove without damaging the surrounding tissue or needing to remove any portion of the organ. Renal vein thrombosis, if it’s caught before any piece can break away and travel to the heart or lungs, is manageable. We believe that we were able to isolate the area, repair it, and there appears to be no evidence of further damage.”

The intern listened as the doctor spoke and then he began again, “We gave her a unit of blood to replace what she lost. She may need another, time will tell with that. We’ve placed a foley catheter into her bladder so we can monitor urine output and flush out the bladder to keep it clear of any other clotting that may cause an obstruction. She’s been in ICU for the last two hours now and it appears that normal function is returning to the kidney and lab levels are returning to baseline. Her blood pressure seems to be coming back up and we’re optimistic that she’ll be awake in the next few hours.”

The doctor spoke another few lines and then turned to face the girls and smiled as he completed the last of his words. “When she does wake up, there will be some pain which we will manage. She’ll need lots of rest and I know that regardless of what I say you will worry for her, however, I assure you that as of right now she has the best of outlooks for a full recovery.”

Mirroring his smile, the intern nodded, “She really did very well. She’s resting comfortably.”

Ashlyn let out a breath of relief and smiled halfway, “Thank god.” Throwing an arm around Alyssa’s shoulder, she sighed again.

“I know it’s late, but if one of you would like to sit with her for a little while, I’ll allow it. But only for a while. I don’t want her forcing herself to be alert for visitors. She needs her rest.”

Ashlyn’s face lit up at the possibility and she looked over at Megan who was already shaking her head, “You must, without any exceptions be back in your room by eleven thirty. Seriously.”

Ashlyn used her hand to cross her heart, “I will be.”

The doctor shook her hand before he left the room. Promising to take her to Ali’s location, the intern waited outside the family room while Ashlyn thanked Megan and Alyssa for staying all day. “I appreciate the support especially when I acted like a total beast.” Megan gave her a hug and nodded, “Well, it’s alright, I accept gifts in the form of cash and sexual favors.” Stepping back to laugh, Ashlyn wiped the tears from her eyes and looked back at Megan again, “Hey, at least you know it’s always the right size.”

Turning to Alyssa, she was silently apologizing when the words failed her. Alyssa smiled back and pulled her in for a hug, “I’m glad she’s ok. I can’t imagine not having you both in my life.” Reaching up, Ash hugged her in return, “Me either, kid. Me either.”

*

Once the elevator doors opened, Ashlyn followed along behind the intern to a pair of locked doors that required a key card. He swiped the access board and led her to the Room Eleven enclosure. He slowly pulled back the curtain and stepped closer to the bedside where Ashlyn could see Ali was on a ventilator. She was breathing along with it as the machine assisted with her breaths. When there was a loud buzzing alarm, the intern hit a panic button on the wall and a nurse and another team member rushed to his side. Ashlyn could see Ali’s eyes were opened and it looked like she was struggling.

One of the nurse’s immediately went to Ash’s side and led her away. “She’s alright, don’t be afraid. This is good. She’s breathing on her own. It means she’s awake and she’s strong enough to take the tube out. Let’s let them do that.”

Standing at the end of the hallway, Ashlyn watched as a few people went into Ali’s enclosure and then eventually came back out casually. When the familiar face of the intern looked out to them, the nurse nodded, “Ok, you can go in now.”

Walking slowly, Ashlyn put a smile on her face and walked passed the curtain where her intern was standing beside her bed. The head of Ali’s bed was elevated and she was sleepy but breathing on her own. He was releasing wrist restraints that had been placed on her to keep her from pulling at the tube.

Meeting Ashlyn’s worried eyes, he halfway smiled, “She’s really out of it. But this is good. Sit with her for a bit but not too long. She needs the rest.”

“Ok,” Ashlyn promised.

When they were alone, Ashlyn pulled a chair closer to her bed and sat down. Reaching for her hand, she held it lightly and rested her head beside Ali’s. Feeling the movement, her tired heavy eyes opened part way and she saw Ashlyn. “Hello, love.”

Ali tried to smile but it looked as if she fell back to sleep mid gesture. Her head dropped slightly to the side and the attempted smile faded. Ashlyn lifted her hand and kissed the back of it gently before setting it back down but never letting go. “I know you’re most likely trying as hard as you can to wake up right now but you need your rest. So I’m going to respect that, your body needs to heal. You did great. You’re going to be ok. Jackson is on the way and when you wake up in the morning, I have no doubt that he’ll be sitting right here holding your hand because he loves you and cares about you. Megan and ‘Lys sat here all day long with me just waiting to make sure you were alright.”

Lifting her hand again and bringing it to her lips, she kissed it, “I don’t think I need to tell you how I feel about you but I’m going to make you listen to me anyway. I love you, Alex. This is the last time that I let something like this happen to you without my intervention. I’m going to take care of you and I’m never letting you go.” Pressing her lips to her hand again lightly, Ashlyn whispered, “I’m going to make you happier than you’ve ever imagined and I’m going to marry you.”

Holding her hand against her cheek when she sniffled back her emotions, Ashlyn felt Ali’s hand tighten around her hand very subtly. Resting her hand back on the bed, Ash covered her up with the sheet to keep her warm and leaned in close, “Now get some rest. I can’t sleep unless I have you beside me, naked, and in my arms.” Ashlyn placed a soft kiss on her lips and backed up a few inches. It almost looked like her face relaxed a little and she wanted to smile or open her eyes but she just wasn’t able. Caressing her cheek, she whispered, “Night, love.”


	15. Giving You The Best That I've Got

Walking into her hotel room, she closed the door behind her as quietly as she could. When the lamp beside the bed snapped on, Ashlyn apologized, “Sorry, Lys. I wasn’t trying to wake you.”

Sitting up quickly, Alyssa was motioning with her hands, “Did you see her? Is she ok?”

Sitting on the edge of the bed to take her shoes off, she nodded, “Yeah, she kinda woke up. They took her off the breathing machine while I was there.”

“Thank God,” Alyssa whispered. “That was really scary.”

Meeting her eyes, Ashlyn watched her nervously look away. Reaching her hand out, Ashlyn apologized, “I’m really sorry. There’s so much going on between us all that it’s like a bad after school special. It really isn’t totally you. I’ve realized since I’ve been with Ali that I’m apparently this really possessive, jealous Neanderthal.”

Alyssa tried to stifle a smile and covered her mouth with her hand. “No, really. It’s ok. I can own that part of it. I also realize now why you behave the way you do.”

Dropping her gaze to the floor, embarrassed, Alyssa folded her hands in her lap.

“I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I just notice the same traits between you and Ali. You just have to get things under control.”

Looking up slowly, she promised, “I don’t want to come between you guys. You’re my friends. I really am sorry for what happened. I can own that.”

Ashlyn’s cell phone suddenly rang, pulling her attention when she saw it was from the hospital.

“Hello?”

“Miss Harris,” the familiar voice called back.

Smiling, Ashlyn answered, “Hi, Mr. Russell.”

“There’s someone here who wants to say hello…” There was a moment of quiet before Ashlyn heard the sweetest sound, “Ash?”

“Hello, love, how are you?”

Her voice was low and tired sounding, “I’m good.”

When Jackson Russell took the phone back, he asked, “Did you just leave? The staff said I just missed her sister.”

Ashlyn smiled to herself, “I literally just walked in the door. How is she? Will I see you there tomorrow?”

“She’s tired. We can visit at 11:45.”

“OK, I’ll see you then.”

*

When the morning practice session was over, Ash immediately walked to the hospital. She made it to the elevator at eleven forty-four. She didn’t want to miss a second of visiting time with Ali. As the doors opened, she showed her pass at the desk and was told she could stand with the other gentleman until they were ready.

Jackson smiled when he saw Ashlyn step off the elevator. They hugged in a way the staff was familiar with seeing when a family member is ill and everyone gathers happily to visit.

“I just made it,” Ashlyn commented. “The crowd in the lobby is ridiculous.” Somehow the press had found out about Ali and started broadcasting from the hospital which brought fans to the area hoping to sneak inside.

When they stepped into her enclosure and pulled the curtain aside, a nurse was removing wrist restraints. Ali was lying on her side and it seemed like she was awake. Ashlyn called, “Good morning, love.” Ali smiled slightly.

“Ali was very naughty last night. She became disoriented and wouldn’t stay in bed,” the nurse commented. “We needed to have someone sit with her and make sure she was safe.”

Ash pointed to the bandage on her arm, “What happened?”

“That’s where she pulled out her IV.”

Walking to the side of the bed in which she was facing, Ashlyn scolded, “Ali…”

Coming to her side, Mr. Russell questioned, “Now what did we talk about last night?”

Their very presence made her smile. Using her leg to push the covers off her, Ali asked, “Can you help me get up now?” Coming to her side after she removed the second restraint, the nurse nodded, “Yes. Slowly.”

Assisting her to sit up, she reminded, “Now take a minute to let your blood pressure stabilize. You don’t want to get dizzy.”

Ali sat silently and took a couple deep breaths. “Are you alright?” Her nurse questioned.

Nodding, she held herself steady when it was obvious she became dizzy. Carrying a walker to the bedside and setting it down, the nurse reminded her, “Take your time.”

The nurse stood beside her when she stood slowly and Ali took a few steps to the chair. Ashlyn blushed a little and Mr. Russell turned away when the back of the hospital gown fell open. Her nurse reached for the foley bag to bring it with her as she walked and then she clutched the back of her gown closed.

Sitting back in the chair, Ali slumped exhausted. Her face had begun to perspire and she suddenly appeared pale. Bringing a rolling machine closer, her nurse reached for her arm to take her blood pressure, “You’re dizzy, aren’t you?”

When she sheepishly looked up at the young girl, Ali slowly nodded, “I’m sorry.”

Taking a deep breath, the nurse knelt beside her, “Listen, it’s going to take some time for your body to heal. You have to allow for that. If you fall and hit your head or break a bone, then where will you be?”

Continuing to nod, she looked down into her lap, “I felt like I was going crazy last night. I had to get out of that bed.” When she looked up, she confessed, “I thought I heard voices.”

When the blood pressure cuff slowly deflated, she shook her head, “If you don’t listen to doctor orders, you’re going to be put on bed rest. You’re low…97/56. Now don’t try to get up without someone here to help you. And I don’t mean your family.” Taking the machine with her, she rolled it along behind her, “You have a nice visit.”

Reaching for her arm, Ashlyn whispered, “Why was she disoriented?”

“Sometimes it takes a couple days to work out the anesthesia. Also, in her condition, hallucinations aren’t out of the question.”

Before the curtain closed, Ali called softly, “Thank you, Michelle.”

A quick smile and then she was gone.

When they were alone, Ashlyn sat across from Ali and looked at her. Reaching out and caressing under her chin, she shook her head, “You’ll never know how worried I was about you.” Leaning forward, she managed to kiss her lips softly before sitting back down.

“I don’t come bearing such a sweet greeting,” Mr. Russell confessed, “however I certainly concur with Miss Harris.” Going to her side and pulling her gently into a hug, he added, “You scared us half to death. Paul and Jacob send their love.”

Her head lingered against him when he released her from their embrace, “Tell them I miss them.” Her voice was still a hoarse whisper. Looking back to Ashlyn, she shrugged, “I don’t remember much. I remember taking a bath and you tried to feed me. After that it gets fuzzy.”

Watching her adjust in the chair, she rested her head back and closed her eyes when she appeared winded.

Calling through the curtain, Michelle returned with a tray and placed it in front of Ali on a tray table, “Lunchtime my friend.” Looking at the tray then up at Michelle, Ali sighed.

“I know. But you have to start simple. You’ll have a big fat cheeseburger before you know it.”

Ali’s smile that she returned with was polite but strained. Ashlyn could tell she was hurting. “Are you in pain?”

Her hesitation answered for her.

“Ali,” Michelle began, “You have to tell me before it gets too bad. We can’t let the pain get ahead of you. There’s no shame in needing the medicine right now. Should I get some?”

Looking up, defeated, she nodded, “Yes, please.”

“It’s nice that your nurse speaks English,” Mr. Russell smiled.

“She was a student and she stayed after she graduated.” Ali took the lid off the chicken broth and wrinkled her nose, “When they caught me getting out of bed and I pulled out the IV, she came in and sat with me. I didn’t like being tied down.”

“What were you trying to do,” Ashlyn asked as she watched her pull the tab off of a lemon water ice.

“I don’t know,” she groaned. “I just felt trapped.” Cutting up the lime jello with the side of her fork, she looked up at Ashlyn. One side of her mouth pulled slightly but she quickly censored whatever it was she was thinking. She blushed a little and apologized, “I didn’t mean to flash you both when I got up.”

She looked up at Mr. Russell and he waved his hand, “Oh, Alex. We’ll call that our lost years of angst.”

Setting down her spoon, she asked, “Ash, can you get Michelle for me?”

Quickly standing, Ash opened the curtain and stepped back when her nurse was already approaching the enclosure, “Everything alright in here?”

Before Ashlyn could answer, Ali began in a rush, “I want to lie down.” Pushing the tray table back and away from her, she looked up questioningly.

Setting down her medication, Michelle brought the walker closer and moved the foley bag from her chair to the bed. “Slowly,” she coaxed. Tying the gown in the back before she stood, Michelle shadowed closely when Ali stood.

She’d only taken a step when the nurse reached around her waist as Ali passed out. Resting her back in the bed, she lifted her legs up and then covered her. Her eyes fluttered and she wiped the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand.

Ashlyn stood on the other side of the bed, “How did you know she’d do that?”

“Because she’s stubborn. She’s in more pain than she’s letting on. And that’s why we don’t allow long visits. Looking at the lunch tray, she commented, “And you didn’t eat very much.”

Ali was fidgeting with the pillow and mumbled, “I’m not hungry.”

Picking up a syringe, Michelle slid the cap off and apologized, “Since you pulled your IV out, it has to be an injection.”

Turning his back, Mr. Russell announced, “More angst, Alex.”

Ashlyn smiled at Ali and sat in the chair across from her when she lifted the gown. She squeezed her eyes shut and flinched a little when she felt the needle pierce her skin. “This won’t take very long to work and I’m unfortunately going to have to end your visit. Five or ten minutes, ok?”

When they were alone, Ali sniffled a little. “I don’t want you both to go.” She was tossing in the bed and pulling at the covers. Coming to her side, Mr. Russell took her hand, “Honey, calm down.” They could both see the panic in her eyes. “Sweetie, try and relax,” he coaxed.

Ashlyn stood and met his eyes. Then putting a finger to her lips, she reassured him silently. Climbing into bed beside her, Ashlyn whispered, “Come here, Ali.” She’d barely gotten the words out when she’d already found her place against the blonde that comforted her. Kissing her forehead, she reached around her and pulled a pillow up against her back. She brought the covers over her shoulder and hugged her tightly.

Ali’s brown eyes were now cloudy with the effects of the medication coursing through her. She looked up into Ashlyn’s eyes and her body began to relax. Then, she whispered, “Kiss me.”

Ashlyn smiled and pulled her close. Resting her head against the blonde, she reached her hand up and placed it on her shoulder, “I love when you dance with me.”

Running her hand up and down her back, soothing, it wasn’t long before her breathing became even and she was asleep. Quietly pointing to the other pillow, Jackson handed it to her and Ashlyn placed it where she’d been lying. Ali’s arms were reached around it, hugging tightly, as she slept soundly.

He smiled at her attention to detail as he picked up his jacket and followed her out into the hallway. Michelle came to their side and apologized, “I’m sorry. Sometimes visitors make it harder for them to make the right choices. You can come back at 4:45.”

The smile at her small victory faded and she shook her head, “I can’t come back then. I have a session.” She looked to Jackson and her shoulders dropped. “I’m not going to see her again.”

“What do you mean?”

“In the morning we leave for the venue. It’s the opening ceremony.” Her disappointment was evident in her solemn reveal. “I won’t have another chance until the games are over.”

“She’ll understand,” Michelle tried sympathetically. Ashlyn looked over questioningly, eyebrows raised. “I follow soccer,” she leaned in and added, “Besides, she told me last night she knew that today was goodbye until after the games. She’s been a bundle of nervous energy.”

Jackson promised, “I’ll be here.”

Michelle winked, “Don’t worry. I’ll keep an eye on your sister.” Before she walked away, she pointed, “Take the stairs. You’ll avoid the circus in the lobby.”

*

As the pair sat in a café not far from the hospital, Jackson sat watching. Setting her cup down, she looked up and noticed him staring, “Whaa-at?” She almost sang as she looked away embarrassed.

“I was just thinking about how difficult it must have been for the both of you. You, being on your own, her, fighting off inappropriate advances. She talked about you a lot after you left. She talked about how living with you felt like a home life that she’d never imagined existed. However, until now, I don’t think I understood. You were really great up there.”

After the waitress set down their food, Ashlyn confessed, “I didn’t really do anything. She just likes that closeness. It grounds her. I don’t think anybody showed her any affection for a long time.”

“I think you’re right.” Thinking back, he remembered the first time he met her. “We started a pilot program at the high school years ago. You could test out of classes in the middle school and your placement was based on your scores. I oversaw the science and math department. When they handed me her file, I didn’t really know what to do with her. She was so young but the potential was unmatched.”

“I always wondered how she’d taken all those classes.”

“I had a parent conference with her and her mother. Her mother was so young and she didn’t completely understand anything I was trying to tell her. She didn’t want Ali to take any of the AP classes. She refused to sign any consent.”

“Why?”

“I’m pretty sure that Alex intimidated her. I remember one of the meetings that we had, she excused herself for interrupting and explained the benefits of AP classes to her mother after I tried three times.”

Ashlyn smiled at the visual in her head. “So how’d she end up getting in?”

“We checked in with parent meetings twice a semester just for updates, changes…make sure everyone was comfortable. Sometimes it became too much and we recommended pulling back a little. We had just come back from the summer recess when she was in the sixth grade and I noticed a significant change. She was distracted, withdrawn and quite frankly not herself. As a teacher, I assumed it was boredom. Many of these kids just stop bothering to work at such a remedial level when they’re held back by their parents.”

“Were her grades suffering?”

“Not at all. She just refused to participate in class anymore. She used to love explaining how things worked and hypothesizing what the outcome would be if she altered the equation. Suddenly, none of it mattered.”

Shaking her head, Ashlyn frowned. “I can only imagine where this is going.”

“Over the summer, her mother began dating ‘that’ man. When the three of them showed up, I immediately realized why there was a change. He was loud, overbearing and had assumed complete control over both of them.”

“During that meeting I saw a side of Alex I’d never seen before. I know it was her attempt at coping but the tension was palpable. He would answer for her mother when I questioned her and he did the same for Alex. Only, she didn’t let him get away with it. She had a sassy little comment to counter whatever it was he said and it just didn’t end until he gave her a threatening look that silenced her.”

“I suggested at the end of the meeting that Alex begin with AP and STEM classes to complement her gifts to give her a better chance for advancement. He was so amused at the possibility of that child’s intelligence surpassing his that he agreed to thrust her into any available class that she desired.”

“He thought he was setting her up to fail.”

Nodding as he picked up his coffee cup, Mr. Russell laughed, “He definitely didn’t know Alex. He unwittingly gave her a license to run wild. Once the results began coming in, there was no stopping her.” “She tested out of the seventh grade the next summer. The following summer, she did the same and began high school with several AP classes under her belt. That’s when she began using ‘Ali’ instead of Alex. We became quite close. She stayed after most days to read and I taught her to play chess. She liked being able to think ten or twenty moves ahead.”

“You taught her chess?”

“Eventually. There were times I could see she needed a mental break for one reason or another.”

“I never knew that you had that kind of relationship.”

“Ours was a precarious one. It was built out of her denial to tell me what was happening at home. I guesstimated it was in the fall of sixth grade that he started beating her. He wasted no time stripping her of her worth. As much as I suspected, she never confirmed it. All I could do was provide a safe harbor and form a bond based on trust. I spent a lot of time at the school just so she had some place safe to be instead of going home.”

Ashlyn finished off her food and realized, “That’s why I never saw her when I was in school. She started as a sophomore.”

Finishing off his coffee, he nodded, “Had her mother consented at that first conference, you never would have even met her. I have no doubt she would have graduated after three years in the program.”

“I’m glad you were there for her.”

“Miss Harris, I firmly believe you complement each other. I’m very glad to know you’re both there for each other.”

Checking her phone, Ashlyn looked up slowly. “What’s she going to have to do about her mother?”

“I’ve already spoken to someone. Her mother’s wishes were for cremation. There’s no rush to resolve anything at this point. I’ll help her decide if she would like a service and whatever burial she wants.” Reaching a hand across the table, he assured, “I’ll check in with her. You can count on it.”

Lowering her voice, Ashlyn leaned in, “Don’t let her drop out of school.”

Raising his eyebrows, he shook his head, “Out of the question.”

Sitting back against the cushion in the booth, the blonde smiled, “Call me if there’s anything.”

“There’s one thing,” he said as he narrowed his eyes. “Kick ass, Miss Harris.”


	16. Don't Worry, Be Happy

By the time she’d gotten back to her room after the second session and then dinner, she was completely exhausted. After a long hot shower, she was asleep before Alyssa was done.

It was an early morning and a long bus ride. Ashlyn watched the scenery for a while and tuned out much of what was going on around her as she listened to her music. It wasn’t long before her head slowly rested back against the seat and she fell asleep.

The afternoon was spent attending a social gathering and media interviews before it was time to get ready. They were provided with the official TEAM USA gear and made their way to their location for the opening ceremony. She’d put all of things that she wasn’t taking with her to be sent back to the hotel with the team staff. She tucked her cell phone into the inside breast pocket of her jacket and made sure everything else she needed was with her.

Slapping a hand to her back, Megan commented, “Damn, I make this look good.”

Laughing a little, Ash gave her a once over when she turned around, “Not bad.” Giving her a little shove, Megan announced, “Did you know that ignoring your friends is out this season. It’s very 2022.”

Meeting her eyes, she apologized, “I know. I’m sorry. A lot of my mind.”

“You ready? Let’s do this?”

Nodding, she promised, “I’ll be right there.”

Before Megan turned to leave, she added, “And leave that right where it is, you hear me?” Pointing to the left side of Ashlyn’s chest, “Don’t touch it.”

Checking herself in the mirror, she saw two long pieces of white tape that Megan had stuck to her when she pushed her. Running her fingers over it, she looked back at herself in the mirror in confusion.  
When she felt her phone vibrate, she took out her phone and checked her messages. It was from Mr. Russell:

‘Greetings from Room 221. They moved Alex out of ICU and she’s now in a regular room. The foley is now out. (she’s so happy) Her labs came back great and have almost returned to normal levels. No shenanigans overnight. I was told she ate all her dinner, her jello included. Breakfast was a little more substantial and lunch has been upgraded to regular food. We both send our love. Good luck. We’ll be watching.’

He included a selfie of him and Ali in her new room. She was sitting up in bed and her smile was stronger and had more purpose. The color seemed to have returned to her cheeks and she was finally beginning to look like herself again. Ashlyn smiled at the picture of the pair and it felt good to know she was getting better.

Finding her teammates, she went to stand with Megan and Alyssa. She now quickly noticed they had white tape on their jackets as well. Blending in with the hundreds of other USA athletes, they began making their way toward the entrance of the stadium for the opening ceremony parade.

By the time they’d wrapped around once and were close to making their entrance, everyone was excited and enjoying the atmosphere. Everyone was taking selfies, pictures and when the roar of the crowd became loud enough to make it feel surreal, the three had their arms around each other’s shoulders as they prepared.

*

Ali was tired and sore but not enough to let it interfere with watching the opening ceremony. When her nurse entered the room to check on her, she folded her arms over herself and playfully frowned a little at Jackson. He’d been sitting beside her on the bed with his arm around her shoulders facetiming with Paul and Jacob.

When the call ended, he apologized, “Were we being too loud?” Shaking her head, she waved her hand, “No, but noise can stay low. You can stay if nobody knowing you are here and is not her roommate.” They both smiled and nodded when they understood her meaning. “Ali, you have pain?” she questioned.

Shaking her head, “I’m ok.”

Once her nurse left the room, Ali looked up at the TV that was on so low it was inaudible. The subtitles that were scrolling on the bottom of the screen displayed the conversation the announcers were having. Picking up the bag that he’d brought with him, Jackson began, “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

Leaning back a little, Ali relaxed on the pillow. “Me too.” Her nervous anxiety had zapped a lot of her energy. Opening up the bag, he began, “So I brought us some provisions for watching tonight.”

She gave him a curious smile and rested her head against him affectionately. Taking a cue from Ashlyn, he was trying to be a bit more physical with her in the hopes she’d feel more connected. When she started calling him ’dad’ after living with Jackson, Paul and Jacob, it certainly felt nice.

_One night when they were having dinner together, something that Ali began to look forward to participating in, Jacob was trying to coax his fathers into an ice cream trip for dessert. It felt good to be a part of something that she had heard was an everyday normal part of family life. Dinner, siblings and the occasional debate over sugary treats in exchange for homework and bedtimes. Ali smiled as Jacob began negotiating and sympathized with his plight. Her relationship with him was a bonus that she had never considered until he’d become attached and the two began spending time together. The ten-year age difference never diminished what they shared._

_At one point, Ali was spooning herself some vegetables as she listened to the plea and suddenly felt the urge to be involved and support Jacob. She wanted to be bonded with all of them to show her gratitude at being accepted as a part of their family and give them her respect. She nervously bit her bottom lip as she summoned the courage to do what she’d been wanting to for weeks but was unable to figure out a way to do it. When Jacob whined the word ‘dad’ and turned it into a two word syllable of song, Ali set down the bowl of carrots and added her melodic plea, “Come on, da-a-aad.”_   
_Paul and Jackson both looked up at her with raised eyebrows, a bit of surprise shown on their faces. Jacob looked to Ali and smiled when he realized she was coming to his aid as an ally. The normalcy of the event not even registering with the six year old, Jackson met her eyes, and they both smiled at the meaningful gesture._

_A hint of tears had begun to cloud his eyes when he got up to go to the sink to pretend to get some water. Paul gave Jackson some time to recover and announced their defeat, “Alright, we’ll get some ice cream. But I better see two clean plates.” Jacobs cheers were followed by him turning to Ali for a high five, “Yay, Ali!”_

Reaching inside, he took out a large zip lock with sliced apples inside. “First, we’ll need a snack.” He set it down on the bedside table and brought it closer in front of her. She smiled bashfully at his gesture, “Thanks, dad.”

Then, he said, “Now, we need a wardrobe change.” He took out a navy hat and put it on his head, “What do you think?” It displayed the year and the location of the 2024 Olympics as Paris, France.  
Nodding, she laughed, “It looks great.” Jackson narrowed his eyes a little and tried to appear as if in deep thought. “Hmm,” he playfully peered back into the bag, “I didn’t think you’d like mine as much. I’m sorry I didn’t get you one.” Ali side eyed him as she played along and made an attempt to stifle her smile.

“I could give you mine,” as he pulled out a different hat that he held up for her, “If you don’t like this one.” Her mouth hung open a little when she saw the powder blue UNC hat.  
Reaching out slowly, she smiled, “Oh, no….I definitely like this one.” She perched it on her head and looked to him, “I know yours was left with Ashlyn’s things in the hotel. So I thought you might need a loaner.”

Nodding, she took hold of his arm and used it to pull herself up to get closer to hug him. “Thank you,” she whispered. Reaching his arms around her, he hugged warmly, “You’re very welcome, honey.”

*

When the parade began and the athletes began to enter the stadium, one of the first few countries was Germany. In French, it begins with an A, therefore moving them closer to the front of the ceremony. Ali was excited when the camera happened to find two of the girls that she’d played soccer with and she smiled happily. Simultaneously reading the crawl at the bottom, she noticed the white tape on both of their chest at about the same time she read the broadcasters curiosity for the alteration. The players waved and the camera panned out to show a better view of the stadium as the next country made its entrance.

By the time they reached E, and the United States was an appearance, a buzz had begun to speculate about the athletes that were wearing the white tape. Ali had begun to suspect, because all of them were girls that she’d played soccer with, either against in various leagues or on other teams. When the United States made its way around the stadium, the gesture became obvious. The camera found the US Women’s soccer team all walking together wearing the white tape all over the left side of their chest over their heart. Ali could see that Ashlyn had found the UNC hat that she’d left behind that morning and was wearing it backwards as she always did. Walking on either side of her, she saw Megan and Alyssa both holding up index cards with bold black writing. #GetWellAlex Ashlyn’s smile as she waved and held up her phone that she was live streaming was enough to bring Ali to tears. She was so overwhelmed with emotion that she was happy when Jackson handed her a tissue without her asking.  
The broadcasters quickly mentioned the accident and referenced that the white tape was her uniform number eleven and that they were all sending their support for their friend. By the time France followed along, she recognized many more of her Luxembourg teammates and the gesture had spread to more than seventy-five percent of the entire French Olympic team. All of them wearing her jersey number and many of her friends waving back to the camera calling out hello to Ali. The amount of athletes wearing a UNC hat began to make her giggle every time she saw them in groups.

After composing herself, she looked over at him questioningly, and he held up a hand, “I had no idea.” Wiping his own eyes with a tissue, he then added, “At least now I know why it was so hard to find that hat.” Laughing again, she looked back to the screen at the parade of athletes.

Taking a bite of the apple slice, she looked back up at the TV to watch when the light finally went off in her head. When she looked back at Jackson, he was already holding out her cell phone in anticipation of her looking for the live stream.

When she turned on her phone, she had several voice mails and text messages from friends. She went to Ashlyn’s Instagram and watched her story and live streams. Jackson watched as the smile on her face grew wider as she watched the view from her phone as she recorded the sights. Then turning her camera back at herself, she saw Megan and Alyssa waving at her, and pointing to their number eleven they proudly displayed for her.

Ali noticed the DM sent to her and opened it. The video message Ashlyn sent was her talking directly to Ali. She pointed to the UNC hat and said that she was there with her all night and she couldn’t wait to see her again. She looked away from the camera for a moment and then back down again and whispered, “I love you so much Ali. Take your time getting better.” She gave her a suggestive wink, “Because you’re going to need your strength when I see you.”

Ali covered her face with her hand as she blushed and laughed, “Oh my gosh, Ashlyn.” When she looked up again, she stole a glance at Jackson who quickly turned to the TV screen and pointed, “Did you see the Olympics are on?”

She smiled at the gesture and began composing a text in return. After she sent it, she set down her phone and took a deep breath. Taking a hold of her hand, Jackson questioned, “You’re tired, aren’t you, sweetheart?”

“I am,” she whispered.

A knock on the door and her nurse was suddenly at the foot of her bed, “It’s getting late my dear. Do you need anything for pain?”

Ali nodded, “Yes, please.”

When she returned with the medication, she looked to Jackson, “I have to ask you to end your visit. She really needs her rest.”

Standing and collecting his things, he confessed, “I was getting ready to leave.”

The nurse gave Ali an injection and Jackson leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Goodnight, sweetie.”

“Good night, dad.”

She reclined the head of the bed back slowly and turned off the overhead light. The TV illuminated the room as Ali watched France show the world its history in a spectrum of colors and dance. She went back and forth with trying to read the description at the bottom and watch the performance. It wasn’t long before her body relaxed enough from the medication that her eyes became heavy and she was asleep.

*

When Ashlyn returned to the new hotel, Alyssa went to shower first. Sitting on her bed, she emptied her pockets and set her cell phone on the table. She took off her jacket and dropped it beside her and noticed her phone had a message. Smiling when she saw Ali’s name, she opened it eagerly:

‘I don’t have the words to tell you how overwhelmed I am. Thank you just doesn’t seem like it’s enough. It was amazing seeing you walk with the Olympic athletes. Tomorrow I know that you will start and help the team win. I’m feeling so much better. The next time we see each other, I’ll be kissing a gold medalist. I love you Ashlyn.’

Feeling a weight had been lifted, Ashlyn easily fell asleep that night with the first game of the series pending. Her dreams that night displayed images of a house with a white picket fence and her and Ali in the center of it all.


	17. Reflections

Over the next two weeks, Ali watched every game with Jackson Russell at her side as she grew stronger. Not only did Ashlyn get the start for every game, but she made game saving efforts in the final that brought the US a gold medal. Ali followed along as Ashlyn live streamed much of their celebration and publicity trip around the country.

  
Jackson and Ali flew home the day after the Gold Medal Championship and two days after she was released from the hospital. It felt strange to be back in Jackson’s home after being away for so long but it was also comforting. The welcome she received from Paul and the familiar hug from Jacob made the fatigue from the jet lag in her weakened body a little bearable. 

  
When she crawled into her old bed a little after six that evening, exhausted, she pulled the covers up over her and easily fell asleep. 

  
The sound of the subtle ticking of the bedside clock tapped softly but she kept her eyes closed. The morning light filled the room but she still didn’t want to get up. She knew she had important things that required her attention today but she couldn’t seem to force herself to face any of it. Feeling Ashlyn climb into bed behind her and reach around her waist, she leaned back against her warm body. Just the closeness of her brought a smile to her face. She held Ashlyn’s hands in hers as she lightly pressed kisses into her neck and shoulder, sending pleasant chills racing down her spine.

  
A knock on her door pulled her out of the daydream. “Alex?”

  
“Yes, I’m awake.” She reluctantly opened her eyes as much as she could in the bright light. “Come in.” Ali didn’t sit up but she looked at Jackson when he came to her bedside.

  
“Are you alright? We missed you at breakfast.”

  
“I’m just really tired.” Looking to the clock on her table again, she groaned, “I didn’t realize it was so late already.”

  
“Do you have set plans today?”

  
Pushing herself up halfway, she began explaining, “I’m meeting with the doctor for a follow up and then I’m meeting with the lawyer. We’re going to go over her Will.”

  
Sitting on the edge of the bed, Jackson asked, “Do you want some company? Or do you need any help?”

  
Leaning back on the headboard of the bed, Ali thought for a moment, then, “Do you think Paul would let me borrow his car? I’m not sure how long any of this is going to take.”

  
Jackson smiled at her and lightly gave the tip of her nose a tap with his finger, “Of course, sweetie.” She was still looking at him but Jackson could tell she was thinking. “Was there something else?”

  
Ali didn’t look away and she took in a breath, “Uhm…” She wasn’t sure how to begin. “I also have to find a counselor to talk to. Or,…like a therapist…..”

  
Holding her eyes a moment longer, Jackson questioned, “Can you tell me what about? I can put you in the right direction, maybe?”

  
Ali folded her hands in her lap and looked away. “Do you remember when I was on probation at school?”

  
“For the roof thing?” He hesitated, “Yes.”

  
Ali was wringing her hands nervously, “Alyssa and I didn’t go up there together. She came looking for me and called security for help. She was protecting me.”

  
Jackson narrowed his eyes a bit.

  
Chewing on her bottom lip, she scrunched up her face with embarrassment as she spoke, “I was going to jump.” She looked up at him slowly, “I think it might help to sort out what’s going on in my head with someone.”

  
Jackson was slow to respond. She could see that her reveal had surprised him. He took a deep breath and nodded, “Alright.” Reaching his hand out and resting it on hers, he asked, “Wasn’t there anyone at all that you thought about talking to or asking for help?”

  
“It wasn’t a reflection on you,” she sincerely confessed. “I didn’t think about anything other than what I’d done. I was so ashamed that I couldn’t live with myself.”

  
His concern regarding her well being and safety while she way away at school was always a factor. Hearing, now, that she’d had such thoughts was disconcerting. “Are you able to tell me what happened?”

  
Shaking her head, embarrassed, she couldn’t look him in the eye, “I ruined my relationship with Ashlyn.”

  
Jackson seemed confused again, “Alex, Ashlyn loves you very much. I’ve seen it.”

  
She nodded, “It took me a while to rebuild her trust in me. I still work at it. There was a semester that Ashlyn and I weren’t together.”

  
“Oh, dear.”

  
“I didn’t keep it from you for any reason other than I was in a bad place in my head and I was used to working things out on my own.”

  
“When you were a child, I gave you a card for a resource center downtown. I was a board member there for a lot of years.”

  
“Rainbow Youth?”

  
“Yes. They provide counseling and a number of other services.”

  
“I remember them,” Ali smiled. “There were times after you gave me that card that I went there to read in the recreation center.” Crinkling her nose, she added, “I brushed up on my chess skills on Thursdays.”

  
Jackson laughed, “You little devil.”

  
Smiling a little, she confessed, “I felt bad that you stayed after school whenever I was there, so I didn’t have to go home. I went there to read on Wednesdays, and I would find people to play chess on Thursdays.”

  
He suddenly realized how tuned in she had been to his intentions at such a young age. “I didn’t know that.” 

  
“On Friday nights, I started taking the bus to the soccer complex downtown where I used to play. I’d watch a couple of the youth games. Then I’d walk most of the way home because it took longer.”

  
Jackson was studying her as she thought. When she noticed him watching her, she asked, “What are you thinking?” His jaw was set and he was struggling to find the words that he wanted.

  
Looking away from him, she pursed her lips together to hold back her emotions. She could feel a swell of tears inside her and she blinked hard to stop them, “Are you disappointed with me because of what I told you?”

  
“Alex, look at me,” he moved a little closer. “I’m disappointed in me.” 

  
Her breath catching in her chest, she met the concern in his powder blue eyes. “I was so afraid of letting you go when you left for Penn State. I felt that you and I had finally connected on an emotional level and we were begining to communicate like trusted family. I wasn’t sure if you were going to continue with seeking out therapy once you got there and I didn’t want to pry. I’m afraid to overstep my bounds. I know I’m not your father but I honestly do care about you, Alex. I care as much as I could if you were my true daughter, I would do anything for you.”

  
She was still trying to swallow her own tears and he added, “I should have checked in with you. I would have never been able to forgive myself if something happened to you.”

  
Tears streaked her face and she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, “I’m sorry.”

  
“Honey, come here.” He positioned his hands on her shoulders and leaned in close, “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the adult. You will always be my little girl, Alex. I want you to always know that you can come to me for anything. I will never judge you and I will love you unconditionally.”

  
Blinking through tears, both of her hands had poised to move and she stopped them. “Don’t hesitate,” he whispered. Watching her closely, she finally reached up for him. Pulling her closer, she reached around him when he hugged her and put her head on his shoulder, “I didn’t know if this was alright.”

  
“It’s my fault, Alex. I should have treated you more affectionately. I assumed a teenager would want privacy and be left alone. But that’s not what you wanted, is it?”  
He felt her shaking her head. “No,” she whispered.

  
“I love you, Alex. I love you as much as I do Jacob. You’re my children until I take my last breath on this earth.” 

  
Pulling back slowly, she looked up at him, “You’re the only father I’ve ever known. You’ve cared for me and have been looking out for me longer than I knew my father who I can’t remember. I don’t even remember the last time my mother hugged me.”

  
Jackson smiled at her, “Don’t you worry about that. Paul, Jacob and I have plenty to give you whenever you want them.”

  
Blushing at the new emotional connection she felt between them, she promised, “I’ll try to be a good daughter and make you proud.”

  
Patting one of her hands, Jackson laughed a bit, “You don’t have to try very hard, honey. I’m already proud.”

*

Other than waiting for the results of her bloodwork, Ali was given the all clear from her doctor to begin training again when she felt up to it. He reminded her to stay hydrated and not overdo it with strenuous exercise in the first couple weeks. She figured that the time frame would lead her right up to training camp with her college team. 

  
Once she got home, she would have to call the Luxembourg staff and let them know her status. She hated being sidelined but felt that it was what’s best for her right now considering her mental and physical state. 

  
Talking with a therapist really did help after the assault. She felt that it was someone who understood her feelings and wasn’t condescending with their evaluation and response. She felt comfortable sharing what happened. 

  
Happy that she had the all clear medically, she started thinking about her meeting with the lawyer. When they last spoke, he had advised her of some of the financial aspects needing attention and before they hung up, he told her that her mother’s remains had been delivered. At their meeting today, she would be able to take them with her. As requested in her will, she wanted to be cremated. Ali had talked with Jackson about having a service but she didn’t feel that it was something that was necessary. Jackson advised her to think about it for a few days and then make a decision. 

  
She slowed down when the address numbers were getting closer to what she was looking for. Then she saw the business marker just ahead. Before she got out of the car, she took a deep breath and told herself that she would be another step closer to moving past this after the meeting.

  
The building resembled a modest family home that was brick on the outside, and warm wood tones and comfortable furniture as you entered the foyer. A receptionist greeted her with a smile, “You must be Alexandra, we’ve been expecting you. Have a seat and I’ll let Mr. Franklin know that you’re here.”

  
Having a seat on the far side of the plush sofa, she sank into the cushion deeper than she’d anticipated. Readjusting her position, she looked around the room at the homey feeling that surrounded her. Before she got too comfortable, a man matching the voice on the phone that she’d become familiar with was standing before her. 

  
Standing quickly, she smiled when he introduced, “Miss Krieger, I’m Charlie Franklin. It’s nice to finally meet you. Jackson has told me some wonderful things about you.”

  
“It’s nice to meet you.” She shook his hand and he motioned, “Follow me and we can get started going over some paperwork.” Following him down a short hallway, they stopped in the first office that was open and bright with sunlight. He offered her a chair at a long table where he had set up a train of files and papers with a specific order to address them.

  
“Can I get you something to drink? Coffee? Soda? Water?”

  
Shaking her head, “No, thank you.” She watched him go to his chair on the other side of the table and he began to arrange files. 

  
Handing her a single sheet of paper, he explained, “I’ve plotted out of summary of the things that we needs to review. A lot of these can be handled today, however, a few items will require some follow up that will take some time. Specifically, the liquidation of any assets or the sale of the home that we discussed. Do you still want to sell?” Without looking up, she nodded as she scanned the long list of her mother’s possessions that were now hers. Lowering the paper, she met his stare, “Yes. I do.”

  
“Alright, we can contact a realtor to begin the process.” Handing her a set of keys, he told her that she can go through whatever contents that were inside. “No,” she shook her head, handing him back the keys. “I don’t want to go there.”

  
“There might be…” Cutting him off again, she repeated, “No. There’s nothing that I want in there.”

  
She turned slightly looking out the large picture window at the blue sky with billowy wisps of clouds floating across the sky and thought about the last time she was in the house. Lou had wrestled her to the ground and ripped her clothes from her body in a violent angry rage. She’d fought so hard to get away from him that both of her knees were bloody and scraped from the rug burns after repeatedly breaking his hold and attempting to crawl away. Ultimately, he would capture a leg and pull her back across the room toward him, burning her skin again and again, until she was exhausted enough that he’d pinned her face down on the bed.

  
There was nothing in that house that she could imagine needing in her life as a reminder of her broken childhood. Sliding a set of keys across the table, he began, “These are the keys to her Ford.” 

  
Not looking up from the keys, she mumbled, “That was his car.”

  
“Pardon me?”

  
“Nothing,” she apologized. “I don’t want it. It can be sold with the house.”

  
Sitting back in the chair, he took a breath, “There’s the restaurant on the corner of….” He stopped when he could see her shaking her head, “No. Sell it. I don’t want it.” She had picked up the paper again and was reading the list of assets that he was working his way down. 

  
“Is there anything on that list that you want?” When she set down the paper, she told him, “No.”

  
Reaching for another manila folder, he nodded, “Alright, we can set up an account where the funds will be deposited…” His voice trailed off when he was watching her unconsciously shake her head no.  
“This will all take some time, so I’m going to need to transfer the funds into an account with your name until everything has been finalized. The funds that have already been used to pay any outstanding balances will be itemized in the second column on page two.” He motioned to the second file folder.

  
Ali reached into her pocket and took her glasses out of the holder and put them on. She read through the list of bills that were already paid since her mother’s death. Taxes, credit cards, utility bills, and assorted extras. The column that listed the assets and estimated value made her place her hand over her forehead as she closed her eyes. She felt anger and resentment fill her insides as she completed the math in her head. 

  
A little over a year ago, Lou had passed away and left everything to her mother. The combined totals, between the two of them, would average out to around 3 million dollars. Anyone in her position would feel elation knowing that all of the money would be theirs. But the more she thought about it, the more Ali felt her stomach knot up and begin to turn. 

  
Looking up, she questioned, “All the cremation and services have been paid?”

  
Relieved that she was asking a valid question and not rejecting another item on the agenda, he reached for the invoice and nodded, “Yes. And the special packaging as well. I have that for you here.” Standing from the chair, he went to the other side of the room and reached for a medium sized box. She had swiveled the chair around so that she was facing him. 

  
When he stood with the box, she rose to meet him halfway across the room. Handing it to her, he added, “They already prepared it for you. Everything’s inside.” Holding the light wooden box, she thanked him and returned to her chair. She had a hard time keeping herself from lifting open the latch to look inside but she tried to focus. Her stare returning every few minutes to settle on the box.   
“I’m going to pursue everything you’ve asked regarding total liquidation and I’ll be in touch with you for another briefing at the start of the next quarter. Is there anything else that you have questions about?”

  
“How do you know Jackson?”

  
He hesitated with the off topic interest. “We were both board members on the start up council for ‘Rainbow Youth’ downtown.”

  
“Start up?”

  
“Yes. Jackson asked me to be a part of his company and serve as a board member.”

  
Ali smiled to herself. “I’m sorry if I seemed rude and dismissive with you. I appreciate everything that you’re doing for me. I know that he asked you to help me as a favor. Thank you.”

  
The man returned her a compassionate smile. “It’s my pleasure. I’m not judging anything about you. Your relationship with your mother is exactly that. These are your decisions. I’ll advise you as best I can towards what’s most beneficial for you.”

  
Sliding the box a little closer to her, Ali tore her attention away from it to thank him again. “Oh.” Turning a little, he reached across the table and retrieved a large manilla envelope that was sealed but had some bulky items inside that made it not lay flat on the table after he handed it to her. “These are her personal effects from the coroner’s office. This was sealed when I received it and I haven’t opened it.”

  
Holding the envelope with both hands, her mind raced. She wanted to give it back but she was trying to minimize any further childish behavior. “Thank you.” Her voice was close to cracking. 

  
Standing, Charlie started around the table, “We don’t need to really get into anything else today. I’ll have the papers drawn up for the sale of the items we discussed, and I’ll keep you updated.”

  
He walked her to the door and stopped beside her when she reached the foyer, “I’m sorry for your loss. You can call me if you have any questions or you need anything else.”

  
He held out a hand and she kept his brown eyes that were even with her for a moment longer. Her silence, as she challenged him, caused her to finally bow her head slightly as she watched him.

Without breaking her gaze, she reached her hand out and held his lightly. “It was nice to finally meeting you,” she whispered. Then, she let his hand go.

  
Turning for the door, as he held it open for her, he called softly, “It was nice meeting you too, Alex.” 

*

As she drove by the high school, she smiled to herself at the sight of the soccer fields. Images of her and Ash lying in the grass exhausted after battling each other for control of the ball during a two hour marathon flashed through her mind. She stopped at a red light and noticed the cement wall along the edge of the parking lot of the laundromat where they met every morning so they could walk to school until they eventually began living together. She thought about how much she loved falling asleep in Ashlyn’s arms and then waking up the same way. Their love was so innocent. 

  
When the light turned green, she decided to make a left hand turn and headed toward the coast. Parking along the jetty, she got out of the car and leaned back against it watching the water. Just standing there, alone, the last five years of her life seemed to flash by in a blurry snapshot in her head. 

  
She thought about the hundreds of times that she’d walked along the road on the way to her house while Ashlyn was in the water surfing. It seemed strange that the two hadn’t run into each other sooner and it also seemed impossible that they had met at all.

  
When she’d begun her junior year of high school, she was lost. She began to seriously think about what was going to happen to her after high school. She no longer had any type of home life to be a part of. Her mother didn’t seem to care when she came or went and had no interest in her academics. When Lou began to beat her, she seemed to turn a blind eye. She’d never understand why. 

  
Ali had never been a child with discipline problems. It made no sense why she allowed him to become such a force in the house. The first time he’d whipped her, she cried mostly because she couldn’t understand why her mother wouldn’t help her. She waited until she saw her the next day and she told her that he beat her and her mother asked, ‘why did she give him a reason to’. At her young age, she didn’t even understand what he had wanted. She wasn’t even sure what sex was but she knew she didn’t want to have it with him. It felt wrong. After the beatings began, her sarcastic behavior emerged.

  
A young couple walked by the car holding hands and Ali smiled and nodded as they passed. It had been a strange summer. She’d begun receiving fan mail from people all over the world. It had come in the form of emails, letters and social media. After games, she signed autographs and before games, she made appearances and at times even did podcasts and local tv shows. All of it seemed surreal that people whom she’d never even met felt so connected to her for one reason or another. 

  
Interestingly enough, all she could think about was Ashlyn. She felt so connected to her and she just didn’t know why. She’d thought about it logically and even began to wonder if there was some kind of void she was filling in her personal life with Ashlyn’s presence. Ali loved her with all her heart. Every day of her life she wished she could take back the hurt she’d caused by letting her and Alyssa become intimate. She thought about that morning more than she probably should have. It never should have happened.

  
She thought about their first Christmas Eve together. It was such a magical perfect night that Ashlyn had planned. They were both so young and nothing mattered more than being with one another. They had no idea what they wanted from each other besides the emotional connection. She remembered having such intense feelings for Ashlyn but she just didn’t know what the culmination would be. 

  
She’d all but begged Ashlyn to take her to bed. Once Ali had given her the green light, she seemed terrified. Looking back she shouldn’t have pushed but she wanted the intimacy and connection between them before they’d end up being separated for an undetermined amount of time. Ashlyn had taken her into her bedroom, kissed her and told her how much she loved her. They slowly and nervously began undressing each other with such care. 

  
Ashlyn’s eyes devoured Ali’s naked body and she’d told her how beautiful she was. Ali undressed Ashlyn and was so overwhelmed that she knelt down in front of her and began using her fingers to explore her anatomy. Ashlyn was so excited that three of her fingers slipped inside her almost too easily. Ali carefully explored her insides and felt every curve and ridge inside her. When Ali leaned in and used her warm tongue to lap along Ashlyn’s clitoris, her body spasmed and her knees buckled. 

  
Her body weak, she collapsed back onto the bed and Ali laid beside her with her fingers still inside her. “Can I do that to you again?”   
Ashlyn had her eyes closed and letting out a breath, she whispered, “…please.” 

  
Ali knelt between her legs as she lay back on the bed and grazed her tongue across Ashlyn’s center. When she cried out, Ali did it again. She loved making Ashlyn cry out in pleasure. It made her want to hear it over and over. Ali moved her fingers in and out as she used her tongue to make Ashlyn scream. It wasn’t long before Ali was pretty sure that Ashlyn had an orgasm. Her body tightened and spasmed against her hand and when Ashlyn’s body convulsed against her, she released a flood of fluid from inside her that tasted like her kisses. It was earthy and warm and Ali felt such a connection that she wanted to cry. It seemed minutes later that Ashlyn was still feeling aftershocks from the intensity of the orgasm. 

  
Ashlyn’s breathing was calming and Ali licked her lips and tasted her girlfriend’s essence. She realized that her fingers were still inside her because she didn’t want to take them out too early and risk interrupting her orgasm. She couldn’t help but want to explore her womanhood again. They’d kissed and flirted with each other’s bodies for so long that Ali wanted to know every inch of her, inside and out. Before she realized what she was doing, she was using her tongue to torment the blonde and within minutes, she was crying out again with screams of intense passion that left her spent and breathless. 

  
When Ali buried her face into Ashlyn again, she pulled away and cried, “Please. It’s too much. I need a minute.”

  
Ali laid beside her and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

  
Ashlyn collected herself and looked over at Ali and shook her head, “God, no. No apology.” Caressing her cheek, she whispered, “You were amazing. That felt amazing.” Ali smiled back at Ashlyn, relieved. Then she placed a soft kiss on her lips and rested her head against her shoulder. She lightly trailed her fingers up and down the blonde’s arm and turned herself toward her. Little goosebumps had raised on her skin that made Ali smile. It was satisfying to know she could do that to her. Kissing her shoulder again, she reached over and rested her hand on her belly. Dragging her fingers across her skin achingly slow, Ashlyn growled at the sensation. 

  
Rolling onto her side, Ashlyn found Ali’s lips and kissed them. She pulled the brunette into an embrace as she took little nibbles at her neck and down her shoulder. Her hand held Ali’s hip tightly against her until she slid it down between her thighs and grazed her thumb lightly through the moisture that had collected. 

  
Ali sighed at the sensation. Pressing her thumb against her clitoris, she felt the brunette’s body become rigid and tense her hold on Ashlyn for support. Using Ali’s arousal that made it slick, she easily slid it in a small circle. She could hear her breath catch in her chest and she felt her anatomy underneath her finger become swollen and taut. Gently resting her onto her back, Ashlyn applied a little more pressure and moved her thumb faster causing Ali to arch her back. Her body rose up slightly to meet Ashlyn’s touch and she began let out a high-pitched whine. Her legs spread a little more and her hips began to rock in a rhythmic pattern to compliment Ashlyn’s movement.

  
Positioning herself between Ali’s thighs, she found herself getting lost in the movement of her hips and being able to keep her thumb on her anatomy securely. Several times, she could see the frustration Ali was having when her body would stutter and her breathing would change when Ashlyn lost contact with her for a moment.

  
Her hands were tightly balled at her sides as she grasped at the sheets and Ashlyn leaned closer and kissed the delicate flesh on her inner thigh. Ali let out a breath and softly begged, “Ashlyn, I need you inside me.” 

  
Carefully sliding a finger along her entrance, she ran it lightly around the opening teasingly and then pressed it softly against the cavity. The pad of her finger sank in slightly and she felt the moist resistance. Ali was shaking as her hips moved with an urgency. 

  
Ashlyn just couldn’t do it. She was afraid to push inside any further and risk hurting her delicate insides. Again, the rhythm of her body changed when Ash lost contact. Finding her anatomy and using gentle pressure, she thought about using her tongue and mouth. Her hesitation brought about more fear and she couldn’t seem to coordinate herself.

  
Ash had used her fingers externally and as good as it felt, she couldn’t seem to get Ali there. Eventually, she became so frustrated, she stopped Ashlyn’s hand and took in a long deep breath. As she laid beside Ali, she started to question, “Did you…” Stopping herself, she asked, “Are you ok?”

  
Rolling onto her side to face the blonde, Ali whispered, “It was starting to hurt.” Ashlyn’s eyes widened with panic and Ali leaned in to kiss her, “It’s alright.” She smiled slightly and found her lips and pressed a kiss against them and then pulled her closer against her. Enjoying the closeness, Ali halfway rolled herself on top of Ashlyn and confessed, “It feels so good to have your warm body against mine.”

  
Wrapping her arms around the brunette, her hands settled on her hips and she pulled her against her tighter, “I should have been sleeping beside you like this the whole time.”

  
Resting her head against Ashlyn’s chest, Ali used her hand to explore her body. She trailed her fingertips lightly over her breast and around her nipple until she saw it become hard and erect. She ran the palm of her hand over her stomach and watched as it made it stutter when her breaths caught in her chest. Sliding a finger over her clitoris and down through her slick wet folds, she continued further until her middle finger was buried deep inside Ashlyn’s body. At that angle, she could feel different textures and cavities inside her that she hadn’t felt before. When she wiggled her finger, the insides changed when they became warmer and tighter against her hand. 

  
Ali turned her body and faced the opposite direction. Kneeling beside Ashlyn’s body but leaning across her waist, she buried her face between her thighs again. Using one hand to separate her lips and part the tight curls, her warm tongue plunged inside her and then she gently sucked at her clitoris with her lips. The sensation was beyond pleasurable and Ashlyn found herself begging for mercy and she wasn’t sure why, “Oh, god, Ali…” The brunette had taken control of her inner most center that throbbed with an intense pounding from her core. A high pitched whine was all that escaped her until she cried, “…Ali……..oh, god…” From the inside, she ran her finger over a rough patch of skin that caused Ashlyn’s body to immediately tighten. The more she smoothed it with her finger on the inside, the harder her clitoris swelled on the outside until she began to scream out with cries of pleasure. 

  
Looking up at the tranquil blue, she breathed in the salty sea air. She missed being here. Laughing at herself, she realized how silly that sounded. She remembered a time when she couldn’t imagine ever missing being here. Opening the car door, she reached inside and pulled out the large envelope the lawyer had given her. She slid her finger underneath the glued flap and ripped it along the edge. Dumping the contents out onto the hood of the car, she thumbed through them. These were the things that were found on her when they found her body. Ali had tried hard to not think too much about how they found her. 

  
Picking up a ring, she held it closer so she could look at it. Lou had given her mother that ring for Christmas the first year they were together. She was so young at the time that she’d never realized how expensive it was. There was a large emerald in the center that was framed with diamonds around it that were far from small. She remembered her mother jumping up into Lou’s lap and hugging him as they started kissing each other. Ali made a face and had turned her head away from them. Christmas had never been much of a celebration that focused on gifts. Mostly it was a winter break from school and much wanted leisure time to pursue her own interests. She remembered that for Christmas that year, she received a bus pass, a library card and a movie pass. It hadn’t escaped her that everything would get her out and away from the house. The insinuation was fine as far as Ali was concerned. She’d quickly leaned about sex when she was forced to listen to her mother and Lou go at it whenever the moment struck them. When she was twelve, she came home from school one day and walked into the living room and found Lou with her mother bent over the edge of the sofa. While her mother was mortified and embarrassed, Lou made eye contact with her and stood motionless with an odd sort of look on his face that had Ali back out of the house and finding something to do that was NOT at home. Regardless of whether or not it was bitter cold and snowing. 

  
Considering that Lou died last year and she was still wearing his ring, she must have truly cared for him. After what happened, that made her even angrier. When Lou began pounding on her door after he’d discovered that she’d wedged a chair under it, Ali started screaming for him to go away and leave her alone. Then, he started ramming his shoulder against the door trying to break it down. The sounds of the door frame and wooden door cracking against his weight is what scared her the most. Those sounds growing louder with every crack as his weight weakened the integrity of the barricade. She heard her mother in the hallway telling him to ‘stop this right now.’ Ali had never seen him strike her mother nor had she ever seen any evidence of it but the assault on the door stopped briefly and she heard him tell her to get out of his way. Then he started on the door again and she hid herself in the back of her closet knowing that he was going to find her and hurt her. She could only hope that she’d be able to hang on until help arrived. 

  
The more she stared at the ring, the angrier she became. When they began wrestling, she was scared enough that she screamed and pleaded for help from her mother, “Mommy, please, help me…”  
It had been years since she’d used the word ‘mommy’, but in a panic of vulnerability, that’s what she’d cried. He was so angry and he really wanted to hurt her. He made sure that when he started to whip her, that he confined it to her backside. He made sure he hit her as close to the same area over and over again so it would hurt more.

  
When she saw her mother and they briefly made eye contact, something snapped inside her and she realized that she was on her own. She kicked hard against Lou’s body and he fell back into her bureau. When he regained his balance, she had barely had enough time to push herself to her hands and knees to try and get away. 

  
Clutching her hand angrily around the ring, she looked out at the water and pulled her arm back with the intentions of throwing it as far as she could. But her eye caught sight of her name on the car hood. Among the wallet, phone, keyring and earrings, there was an envelope with her name on it. There was also a folded-up piece of newspaper. 

  
Reaching for the newspaper, she opened it and read the headline: Hometown Hero. There was a picture of Ali and it talked about her success since leaving for college. It talked about her overseas soccer team, her collegiate soccer success, her academic awards and her recent summer championship win with the European league.

  
Looking out at the water again, she folded up the paper and slid it into her back pocket. Putting everything back into the large envelope, she set it on the seat and picked up the box. Taking the small white envelope with her name on it, she walked out onto the pier until she reached the end and sat on the edge. 

  
Glancing back over her shoulder, she shielded the sun from her eyes and could see no one was anywhere around the beach or the pier where she was sitting. Kicking off her shoes, she pulled off her socks and tucked them into her sneakers. Dropping her feet over the side and into the water, she held the envelope up to look at it again. It was her mother’s handwriting. She always wrote the A in Alex in one pen stroke. 

  
“What could you possibly have to say to me now?” She spoke the words through a bitter frown. “There’s nothing that can change how I feel. What’s done is done.” Turning the latch on the box, she lifted the lid and peered inside. Sitting on a dark blue velvet base, sat a pale pink starfish that contained her mother’s ashes. 

  
As soon as she saw it her eyes filled with tears. It didn’t matter how angry she was, it was still her mother. 

  
She was sixteen when she found out she was pregnant with Ali. She gave birth over the summer before her senior year of high school which she never finished. She never made reference to how having a baby so young affected her life but she did tell Ali once that it was her choice to keep her. Abortion was never a thought in her mind and she hadn’t entertained adoption. Ali was definitely wanted.  
Picking up the starfish, she held it in the palms of her cupped hands in her lap. Shaking her head, she whispered, “I don’t know where things went wrong with us. I don’t think I asked for much from you.” 

  
“I know I wasn’t enough to make you happy but you were all I had.” She sniffled back her tears as she spoke. “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering why it was so easy for you to let me go. But now, I’m letting you go. Not out of anger, out of love. I hope you’re at peace.” Lying on her stomach, she tenderly kissed the starfish and leaned over the edge of the pier. She set it on top of the water and let it float out of her hands. As she watched it move further away from her, she whispered, “Goodbye, mommy.”

  
Setting the envelope on the water, she watched it float for a moment before gliding through the water until she could no longer see it. She rested her chin on her hands that lay flat on the pier and cried as she rid herself of all the guilt she’d burdened herself with. She refused to carry on her shoulders her mother’s unhappiness. Wiping away tears, she let herself just cry.   
When her cell phone began to ring, she sat up quickly and saw it was Ashlyn. Accepting the call, she looked into the camera with red swollen eyes. 

  
“Alex, what’s wrong? Are you ok?” The blonde immediately recognized her sadness. 

  
“I’m alright, Ash. I was talking to my mother. I said goodbye.”

  
Turning the camera, she focused it on the water and zoomed in. “Is that a starfish?”

  
“Yes. I had some things to say.” Ashlyn watched her looking out over the water quietly.

  
“Will you be with your dad long?”

  
“Maybe a week. Why?”

  
“I’m hoping to visit.”

  
“I’d like that.”

  
“I’ll let you know as soon as I know. Are you sure you’re ok?”

  
“I’m fine. There were some things I needed to say to her.”

  
Ashlyn nodded. “I understand.” Watching Ali carefully, she questioned, Are you sad?”

  
Evaluating her emotional state, “Ali nodded, I’m alright. I just have to work some stuff out.”

  
After a long silence, Ashlyn confessed, “When I see you, I want to take you out for your 21st birthday. I didn’t forget, and I hate that I was away.”

  
“It’s alright, Ash. I was sick anyway.”

  
“And now you’re not and I’ll be in town.”

  
Ali smiled at the possibility. “Alright. I’d like that.” She blushed as she smiled and unconsciously bit her bottom lip.

  
“I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  
When the call disconnected, Ali looked out on the water and found the starfish beginning to dip below the waterline. Ali watched until it disappeared from sight. Once it was gone, she found herself crying over the loss of her mother’s life. She’d taken it so young and Ali realized that she must have felt such pain.

  
Putting it out of her head, she stood and collected her socks and shoes. The sun had long since set, and her family would worry for her whereabouts. Smiling slightly at the thought, she pressed the call button for her dad, to let him know she was alright and would be home for dinner.


	18. We Are One Body

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you thought about this turning point. A lot went on. We're coming to a boiling point very soon.

When Ali returned home, everyone was in the kitchen preparing dinner. She set down the wooden box and the envelope on the counter. “Hello, Alex,” Paul greeted.

Jacob abandoned his job at the counter and ran to hug her, “Hi, Ali!” He happily wrapped his arms around her waist and she hugged him back, “Hey there, kiddo.” He stepped back and looked up at her, “Are you starting to feel better now?” His anxious stare revealed how badly he wanted to go outside and kick around the soccer ball with her.

Rustling his hair with her hand, she smiled, “I’m getting there.”

Jackson returned to the kitchen carrying some tomatoes from the garden, “Hello, Alex. Everything alright?” He crossed the kitchen and stood with a hand on Jacob’s shoulder. She smiled at him and nodded, “It was a busy day. But I accomplished a lot.”

Handing the tomatoes to Jacob, he asked, “Can you add these to the salad?” The boy took the added ingredients and returned to the counter. Reaching into her pocket, Ali took out the keyring and went to Paul. “Thank you for letting me borrow the car.” She set them on the counter beside him, “It was a big help.”

“You’re very welcome.”

Turning to Jackson, she asked, “Do you think after dinner we could talk?”

“Certainly.”

*

Sitting in the library, Ali stirred her tea as Jackson pulled a book from the shelf. Sitting down across from her, he set it aside. “What’s on your mind?”

Standing slowly, Ali went to him and sat beside him on the small sofa. She turned toward him and shrugged a little. “I feel silly now. This afternoon I was really angry with my mother.”

Taking a sip of his tea, he asked, “Why were you angry?”

Reaching into the pocket of her jeans, she pulled out the ring and held it up. Narrowing his eyes, Jackson studied the piece of jewelry she held. Looking to her questioningly, he asked, “Your mother’s?”

She nodded. “Lou gave it to my mother for Christmas their first year together.”

Handing it to Jackson to hold, she added, “She was wearing it when they found her.”

The lightbulb going off in his head, Jackson nodded, “I see. She still held allegiance to him.”

Her gaze falling on her hands that she folded in her lap, she nodded.

“Alex, some people lose their way in this world. They lose sight of what’s important and they never find their way because they’re trying to please others. You should remind yourself that you have set your own goals and never stop growing. Your mother did her best to surround herself with what she thought she needed. Our choices are what define us. Not the choices of others. Do you understand?”

Ali was thinking.

“This is what she thought would make her happy. Do you think it did?”

Ali shook her head. “She was never happy.”

“Make choices that will make you and the ones you love happy.” Handing the ring back to her, he could see she was still struggling with her self-worth. “Even adults make mistakes, Alex. We’re all searching for happiness. If you’re lucky enough to find it, cultivate it. Never let it go. And remind yourself every single day that you’ve found what so many never will.”

Ali held the ring and asked, “What’s your happiness?” When she met his eyes, she bowed her head a bit and blushed, “Paul?” She smiled when he smiled back at her and she added, “And Jacob?”

Jackson put his hand on hers and squeezed it, “And Alex. Don’t forget my Alex. My family that I am so very grateful to have in my life that is my happiness.” His eyes traveling to her neck, he smiled, “Do you know what your happiness is?” Reaching up, Ali held the ring that hung from the silver chain around her neck. Meeting his eyes, she smiled back, “I have so much happiness to be grateful for. I just need to learn that I’m deserving of it all.”

“Alex, if you’ve found it and you recognize it, that’s reason enough to be deserving of it all.”

“When you first met me, what made you care about me so much? I was just another kid in your classes. What made you go out of your way?”

Jackson thought for a moment, “What is it about Miss Harris that makes you feel the way you do?”

Covering her giggle with her hand, she seemed to be thinking. “I’ve thought about that a lot. When she’s near me, I don’t feel like there are pieces of me missing anymore. She makes me feel…loved.”

“What do you think she feels?”

Ali thought for a moment and then shook her head, “I don’t know. What does she really get out of just loving me?”

“For the same reason I wanted to make sure that you were taken care of better than you were. I could see something special. I knew that you were loving and caring. It’s easy to love you.” He set his cup down and turned toward her a little more, “What made you give the hospital my name?”

“Honestly, I always felt that you tried to point me in the right direction without making me feel stupid. You made me feel like I had choices and they were mine to make. When I was lying in the emergency room, my head was spinning. I didn’t know what to do or how I was going to even get through the night. You were the only person that I could imagine…”

When she hesitated, she looked away from him.

“Alex, why are you afraid to tell me?”

Wrapping her arms around herself, she shrugged, “I’m telling you my worst fears.”

Letting out a breath, Jackson put a hand lightly on her shoulder and spoke with understanding, “I would never hurt you. That would violate a trust between us.”

Stifling a smile, she shook her head, “How do you do that? That’s why I called you. You were the only person who I could think of who wouldn’t hurt me. You never have.”

Jackson patted her shoulder and promised, “I never will.”

The compassion in his eyes made her face flush with emotion. Leaning closer, she kissed his cheek and thanked him for the talk. “Thanks, Dad. I’m turning in early. I’m exhausted and I still have a few things to take care of.”

“Alright. Sleep well.”

*

Ali sat at the desk reading emails from her soccer club, her school and filled out paperwork for the fall. She was deciding on classes and coursework. If she was going to report back to school and play for the soccer team, she would have to be there in a little over a week. She had put everything out of her mind and on hold because she needed to clear her head. Her body needed time to heal and she had given her mind the same opportunity to rest. Once she graduated, she felt that she would be able to make decisions that would reflect a better control of her life.

Closing her laptop, she ran her hands back through her slightly damp hair. It was just about dry. Sitting on the side of the bed, she kicked off her slippers. It was only a little after nine but her body was tired.

Her cell phone began ringing and she quickly reached across the bed to the table to answer it, “Hello?”

“Hi, Ali.” Her management rep, Rosa, greeted, “How are you feeling?”

“I’m good. Taking a much needed break.”

She paused and then began, “I’m sure it won’t come as a surprise, but I received a call from Portland today. The first of many I’m sure.”

“Portland?”

“Yes. Thorns? They wanted to meet with you and talk about playing for them. How do you feel about that?”

Her head began to swim with thoughts of playing for one of the NWSL teams. Suddenly, she realized that she’d turned down the National team twice. “Rosa, where has my head been for the last two years?”

Ali could hear Rosa’s soft laugh, “I understand. It’s overwhelming to think about the possibilities that you now have in front of you. Take your time and we’ll make the best decision for you. I just wanted to let you know that you should probably think about where you’re most comfortable living. I’ll keep you informed about everything.”

“Thank you.”

“Oh, and congratulations on the award.”

“Which award?”

“Le Grand Avenir, the award for the best prospect. It’s best newcomer.”

“I didn’t know. That’s amazing. I heard about the nominations a few weeks ago.”

“It’s an incredible honor, Ali. I know you’ve worked hard. I’ll be in touch with the details for the ceremony.”

“Thanks, Rosa.”

She held her cell phone in her hand and laid back on the bed staring at the ceiling. She let a smile creep across her face as the possibility of her playing for a professional soccer team became something she could actually envision.

Pulling back the covers, she pulled her nightshirt up over her head and set it on the back of the desk chair. Pulling the pillows around her, she rolled onto her side and wrapped her arms around one and hugged it. Clicking off the lamp, she smiled to herself thinking about talking to Ashlyn in the morning and telling her about the Portland offer. She couldn’t imagine taking it with Ash in New Jersey. She really wanted to try and get a little closer to where they might see each other more often. Her mind filled with questions that she couldn’t answer, she still fell asleep with ease.

*

Her eyes still closed, Ali pulled the comforter up higher over her shoulder. She could smell the rich aroma of coffee brewing from downstairs. Her body was still heavy with sleep and felt herself nodding off again.

Somewhere in the distance, she thought she heard a door slam. Her mind began to question her whereabouts as she slept whether she was in her dorm, the apartment in Europe or at home in Florida. She just couldn’t tell. Then she thought she could smell the faint hint of Ashlyn. It was a combination of everything that was her. The very thought of her closeness made her feel warmer.

Longing again, for her girlfriend’s touch, she felt the light butterfly kisses that she would trail down her neck and shoulder, giving her pleasant chills. She wasn’t sure if she missed her the most at night when Ashlyn would kiss her to sleep or in the early mornings when her arms wrapped around her tightly would keep her warm from the chill of the new day. They’d officially been together now for five years. Which was strange, considering that the first four months of their relationship seemed so long ago. Thinking back, she couldn’t believe that for all intents and purposes, she’d moved in with Ashlyn and they lived together as a couple. There were more times than she could count that she would hear girls in her class bargaining with their parents for a midnight curfew and at sixteen Ali’s mother had all but let her move in with her friend. She was pretty sure if her mother knew that they were dating that things would have been a whole other story. Technically, she really hadn’t done too much more than she’d already done with most of the boys. The difference being that she had true feelings for Ashlyn.

What was even more strange, she realized that after Ashlyn left for school and she had visited her at Mr. Russell’s home, they’d only seen each other three times. Thinking about the connection she felt with Ashlyn, it certainly didn’t seem like they had only been intimate with each other two or three times.

Sliding her arm around Ali’s waist, Ashlyn pulled her closer against her and whispered in her ear, “I missed you, love.” Reaching down, Ali took Ashlyn’s hand and entwined their fingers, “Are you really here?” Leaning back a little and looking over her shoulder, she smiled when she saw Ashlyn lying beside her.

Rolling onto her back, she held Ash’s face with her palms, “When did you come in?”

“Very early this morning. I wanted it to be a surprise.”

Pulling her closer against her, she teared up and cried a little as she whispered, “I’m surprised.” Her arms reached around her body and her hands trailed down the blonde’s bare back. Shrugging off the tingling, Ashlyn smiled, “Discovered something, did ya?”

Crinkling her nose, embarrassed, Ali bit her bottom lip and then nodded, “You’re naked.”

Ashlyn bowed her head and placed a quick kiss on her lips and whispered, “So are you.” Nuzzling into her neck, Ashlyn took little nips of her skin and then softly pulled with her lips until she reached her chest. Holding each breast, she took her time curling her tongue around each nipple and then sucking lightly until she could feel it harden in her mouth. Licking along her stomach until she reached her belly button, she looked up at Ali. A hand on her hip, she told her, “Spread your legs for me.”

When she pulled her legs back, Ashlyn climbed across and put her hips over Ali’s and settled on top of her. The warm contact between them had Ali raising up to feel more pressure against her body. Resting her weight, Ashlyn found Ali’s lips and held her in her arms as they traded sweet kisses between them.

Reaching her arms around Ashlyn’s neck, Ali quickly took control and sighed as she deepened their kisses. Her tongue flirted between Ash’s lips and teased playfully when the blonde tried to capture more of her mouth. Washing her tongue over and across her bottom lip, Ali smiled as she tugged it with her teeth and Ashlyn decided that she had had enough.

Ashlyn began to slowly roll her hips and slid herself against Ali creating a friction that stimulated them both. Their combined arousal made the warmth between them slick as Ashlyn’s seductive movements pushed her to the edge. Ali had her eyes closed and her head thrown back on the pillow in surrender as Ashlyn could feel her legs tensing. Lowering her hips and finding the perfect contact between them, she began to grind down into Ali until she had her panting out breaths at the friction she was creating.

A subtle moan escaped her when her lips brushed against Ashlyn’s ear and her hot breath raised goose bumps on her neck. Ali’s body was aching for more as she raked her fingernails painstakingly slow down the blonde’s back leaving a throbbing that demanded attention.

Her own anatomy swollen and sensitive, neither would last much longer. Finding her lips again, Ashlyn began kissing her lips and calling her name, “Ali, Ali….look at me.” Her high pitched cries were a warning of the impending orgasm to come. “Open your eyes. I want to look into your eyes.” Taking a hold of Ashlyn’s shoulders, Ali would begin to spasm but kept her eyes fixed on the blonde that was kissing her lovingly.

Increasing the speed and pressure of the friction between them, Ashlyn whispered, “I love you,” between kisses to her mouth and neck. Ali’s hold on Ashlyn tightened as she struggled to keep her focus until her body began to shake violently and then spasm underneath of Ashlyn. Her back arching up, their eyes locked on one another as Ashlyn pulled Ali tighter against her body

As they orgasmed together, the warmth that flowed between them became one that bound them together. She fought hard to focus as her body spasmed and jerked against Ashlyn. At the height of the most sensitive peak of her orgasm, Ashlyn kissed Ali’s mouth and whispered, “Marry me, Ali.” Her hands pulling in tight fists of blonde hair, her legs would spasm before lifting higher and wrapping around Ashlyn’s waist. Her orgasm still holding her words captive, Ali kept her eyes on the blonde when she repeated her plea, “Marry me, Ali.”

Her legs dropping to the sides, Ali was breathless. Her hands still clutching Ashlyn’s hair, she tried to catch her breath. When she closed her eyes, she then felt Ashlyn’s hot breath between her legs. Looking down at her, she watched her open her with her fingers and then without warning she thrust herself against Ali’s sensitive anatomy. She began licking her pussy so aggressively that she immediately started to cry out at the pressure, “Oh my…god…Ash…” A hand on her forehead defensively at first, Ali squirmed as Ashlyn tried to make solid contact despite amount of Ali’s moisture making it slick.

She was sucking on her clitoris, using two fingers inside her and the pad of her thumb was pressing against Ali’s anus. It was a strangely comfortable feeling to have her put her thumb against that spot. Every few minutes, she would press against it a little, threatening to push inside. She didn’t have much time to decide how she felt about it because she was overwhelmed by the sensations of the fingers inside her that were pressing on places that made her weak. Without warning, her body would lose all control and she felt as if she were made of jelly. When that would stop, Ashlyn would bury her face between her thighs again with such pressure that Ali began having multiple orgasms. Her mouth was so dry that she couldn’t even close it to catch her breath.

As one orgasm would wash over her, Ashlyn would press somewhere inside her body and it would trigger another wave of spasms and convulsions. Somewhere around her seventh orgasm, Ali realized she could feel there were three fingers inside her pussy and Ashlyn’s thumb had plunged itself deep inside her backside.

None of her fingers were moving now. Only Ashlyn aggressively eating her pussy with such intense pressure that there was no build up and no warning. Her body would suddenly paralyze as she orgasmed again and again until Ashlyn felt like stopping.

At some point, Ashlyn had removed all of her fingers from inside her and both of her hands were gripping her hips tightly holding her face securely against Ali’s center. Her tongue was strumming against her in a rapid flutter that when Ali orgasmed this time, she felt a rush flood from inside her.

Lifting her head up to make eye contact with the brunette, she climbed up closer and laid beside her to take her in her arms. Kissing her forehead, Ashlyn whispered, “I think I’m all caught up now.” Looking up with a confused stare, Ashlyn explained, “That’s how much I ached to make you feel better when you were in the hospital. I was so worried for you.”

Reaching her hand between her legs, Ali whispered, “I’m vibrating.”

“It’s a really good thing your family gave us the house for the morning.” Pulling her into her arms tighter, Ashlyn kissed her lips, “I was really hungry for you. And you were really really loud.”

Laughing a little, Ali let out an exhausted breath. Her head resting against Ashlyn’s shoulder, she found her place in her arms that made her feel safe. Then, meeting her eyes, Ali was waiting to hear if she remembered what she had said two hours ago.

Pulling the covers over them, Ashlyn whispered in her ear, “I want this with you every morning, Ali. Every morning for the rest of our lives. Marry me. Tell me you’ll marry me.”


	19. Never My Love

Pulling away and sitting halfway up, Ali looked back at Ashlyn lying beside her. A smile curling her lips, she crinkled her nose as she thought about living with Ashlyn again, “It could be like how it was when we first met. Just you and me….” Climbing on top of Ashlyn and straddling her body with her legs, she bit her bottom lip lightly and smiled.

  
Her hands holding Ali’s hips, Ashlyn smiled at her and questioned, “So that’s…a yes?”

  
Her emotions flushing through her, Ali nodded when she smiled, “….that’s a yes.”

  
Pulling her down beside her, Ashlyn’s smile grew wider. “Oh, Ali.” Leaning in to kiss her lips softly, she wrapped her arms around Ali’s shoulders and met her brown eyes. “I’m going to marry you,” she whispered. “And I’m going to make you so happy.”

  
Wrapping her legs around the elated blonde, Ali pulled her body down against her and whispered in her ear, “I’m already so happy, baby. You make me very happy.”

*

“You look cute in my sweats. I can see your cute butt.” Ali swatted at Ashlyn from behind as she was pouring two cups of coffee. When Ali turned her back to get the sugar bowl from the cabinet, Ashlyn reached around her waist and pulled her close. Kissing her neck as she hugged her from behind, she whispered, “I kinda like this sexy little robe you’re wearing. I can see your legs.”

  
By the time they heard the front door close, Jackson was walking into the kitchen. He set his briefcase on the table and greeted, “Alex. Miss Harris.” 

  
Ali tightened her grip on Ashlyn’s hands that were still around her when she started to pull away. She blushed a little and started, “Uhm, dad…we have something to tell you.”

  
Jackson gave them his attention and Ashlyn rested her chin on Ali’s shoulder shyly. Massaging Ash’s arm, Ali met his eyes. Taking a breath, she smiled back at him, “Ashlyn asked me to marry her.”   
Raising his eyebrows a bit, she went on, “I said yes. We’re engaged.” Ashlyn pulled Ali a little closer to her and Jackson smiled, “Oh, honey…” He stepped closer to them and reached up to put his arms around the couple. Kissing Ali’s cheek, he hugged her, “Sweetie, I’m so happy for you.”

  
Meeting his eyes, she softly asked, “Do you approve?”

  
Taking her hand and holding it, he questioned, “Do you love her?”

  
Looking over her shoulder at Ashlyn, Ali nodded, “Yes, I do.”

  
“Are you happy?”

  
Meeting his eyes, a smile captured her and she nodded again, “Yes, I am.”

  
Lifting her hand, he kissed it lightly and let her know, “Then yes. I approve.”

  
Looking up to meet the blonde’s anxious stare, Jackson smiled, “Miss Harris, I believe your plan was a success.” He reached up an arm to pull her into an embrace, “Congratulations.”  
Turning a little in surprise, Ali looked to Ash. “You both planned this?” 

  
Stifling a laugh, Jackson turned and sang under his breath, “Someone’s in tro-uble…” He went to the table and opened his case.

  
Pulling Ali into her arms, Ashlyn whispered in her ear, “You can’t be mad at me.” Kissing her neck, she went on, “You’re going to marry me.” Her hands running down her back, she added, “And I love you.”

  
Sliding her arms around Ashlyn, she rose up on her toes to find her lips for a kiss. “Oh, yea. I forgot,” she whispered. Biting her bottom lip, she looked into Ashlyn’s clear hazel eyes and smiled when she smiled back. When they leaned in and began to kiss again, Jackson cleared his throat, “Ladies, Paul and Jacob will be here shortly. Might I suggest more appropriate attire?”  
Jackson turned his back to leave the kitchen and Ashlyn pulled Ali’s robe tighter. When she released her lips, she whispered, “If I take you back upstairs, do you think you can keep it down?” Nodding slowly, Ali whispered back, “Promise.”

  
*

  
Once upstairs, they made love again and Ashlyn struggled to keep the noise under control. She would whisper to Ali to keep it down and then Ash would end up making her start to get loud again. Both of them were lying beside each other, out of breath, and Ali rolled onto her side to face Ash, “Can I ask you something?” She was tracing her fingers along her arm causing little goosebumps to appear.   
Ashlyn smiled at her, “I don’t think there’s anything we can’t share, do you?”

  
Kissing her arm lightly, Ali agreed, “Probably not.” Then looking up again, she started slowly, “What changed in you? I mean, that first time we had sex, it was really awkward. Neither of us knew what we were doing. Since then, I’ve just been trying to please you and make you feel good by listening to how you respond to the way I touch you. I think I’m figuring things out.” She stopped and then began shaking her head, “But did you take a class or what? Is there some book that gave you pointers….”

  
When Ashlyn began to snicker, Ali swatted at her arm, “I’m serious.”

  
Her laughter had her holding her stomach as she tried to catch her breath, “Why,” she snorted. “….why do you ask that?” 

  
Sitting up halfway, Ali frowned, “Because the last two times we’ve slept together, you’ve been an unstoppable force. It feels like my body is turning inside out. You know what to touch inside me and how, you know exactly what makes my eyes roll back in my head and honestly….” Lowering her voice a little, she added, “You make me cum so hard that I just gush all over the bed. You make me so wet it feels like I sat in a puddle.”

  
Pulling her closer, Ashlyn kissed her lips and leaned her forehead against Ali’s, “What are you worried about? Do you think you’re not satisfying me?” Keeping her focus, she smiled, “Because, oh my god, am I? The first time you knelt in front of me and put your warm tongue on me, I was hooked. I think I blacked out.”

  
Letting out a laugh, Ali smiled.

  
“I mean it. And I hope you know what a huge turn on it is knowing that I am personally responsible for all that sexy love juice you give me.”

  
Ali tried to look away embarrassed and Ashlyn put her hand under her chin, “I’m serious. I love being able to tell just how completely turned on you are for me. It’s so sexy tasting you. I never imagined that being in love with someone would include their very essence.” Ali was watching her talk and thinking at the same time.

  
“When you imagined having sex, did you ever think that it would be like this? It’s so much less selfish than I thought it would be. I can’t get enough of hearing you orgasm. And if you think that I’m suddenly that good, it’s only because you make me that way.”

  
Running her fingers back through the brunette’s hair then caressing her face, Ashlyn breathed out, “You’re so sweet.” Ali blushed and smiled back. 

  
Reaching out and lacing her fingers with Ashlyn’s, Ali asked, “What made you want to marry me?” Before the blonde could confuse the intent of her question, she clarified, “I mean, why now?”  
Running a finger lightly over the index finger of Ali’s hand, she inspected the way it was still slightly misshapen and awkwardly bent. Meeting her curious brown eyes, Ashlyn began, “After the ambulance brought you to the hospital, I was at the desk with Meg and Lys. We asked to see you and they wouldn’t tell us anything. They said they would only speak with family. In that moment, I was furious. I decided right then and there that I was your family and no one was ever going to keep me from you again. I said I was going to take care of you and it starts with us making a commitment.”  
Bringing her hand to her lips, she gently kissed her index finger, “Can I ask you a question?”

  
Ali nodded.

  
Leaning Ali on her back, she trailed her fingers across her chest and slowly down toward her belly. Resting her hand flat against her skin, palm down, she slid her hand down lower to the inner side of her hip. Running her thumb over the ink on the delicate skin, Ashlyn asked, “Tell me why you got this tattoo?”

  
Resting her hand over Ashlyn’s, Ali met her hazel eyes before she lowered them and looked away. “It’s just something I needed.” 

  
Lacing her fingers with Ali’s, Ash asked, “Explain what it is to me? Please, I know it’s not a decoration.”

  
As she looked at the ink on Ali’s skin, she traced the delicate artwork on the small azure colored rice bowl with her finger. It appeared as if it had shattered and then been glued together again, but the pieces were framed and highlighted with gold to accentuate them. On the outside of the bowl was a familiar intricate tree design. Around the rim of the bowl, there was a very thin line with all the colors of the rainbow.

  
“Did you ever hear of ‘Kintsugi’?” 

  
Ashlyn shook her head. 

  
“It’s a Japanese art form. When something is broken, they put it back together using a lacquer that’s mixed with gold dust or silver to highlight the flaws. Instead of trying to hide them, it brings attention to them because it’s an important part of the history.” Ali was caressing Ash’s fingers and then she whispered, “Broken can still be beautiful.” 

  
Her words cut through her and settled in the pit of her stomach as she revealed her self-evaluation. “The design on the outside is the tree of life. It represents balance and transformation while accepting its roots and origin. The beauty and strength come from its maturity. The colors along the rim have meaning. Red means life; orange means healing; yellow means sunlight; green means nature; royal blue means serenity; and purple means spirit.”

  
Reaching across her and draping her arm over on the other side, Ashlyn rested her head against Ali’s hip and just watched her. She was in her head, somewhere, no doubt evaluating her worth. The seriousness displayed in her eyes that were fixed on the ceiling expressed her innermost insecurity that she now wore as a badge. Then, meeting Ashlyn’s staring eyes, Ali shrugged, “It’s me.” She pursed her lips and halfway smiled. “It’s where I’m from, how I got here and who I’ve become.”

  
Sitting up, Ashlyn took Ali’s to help her sit up. “Are you going back to Europe?”

  
Slowly shaking her head, Ali looked back up, “I think I’m going to finish school. I want to complete my degree.”

  
Smiling, Ashlyn squeezed her hand. “Do you think after you graduate, you’ll come spend Christmas with me and Megan at our house?” Ali’s eyes lit up at the possibility of being done with school, having free time and being able to spend it with Ashlyn. “I would love that,” she whispered. 

  
“We’re renting a four-bedroom house. It’s just the two of us but if we want to we can add some roommates. It’s not real far from the practice complex or the field we play on but the best thing, it’s someplace I can call home.”

  
“I’m happy for you. I know how much that means.” Suddenly, Ali began thinking about her own living situation. She wanted to play professional soccer so badly and as of right now, she could be calling Portland her home. Sucking on her bottom lip, she put her other hand on top of Ashlyn’s, “I forgot to tell you, I got a call from Rosa last night.”

  
Ali’s sobering tone had Ashlyn sitting at attention, “Is everything ok?”

  
Taking a breath, she began, “I have an offer from Portland.”

  
Her eyebrows raised in surprise; Ashlyn held her hands out motionless waiting for what she thought was supposed to be bad news. When Ali had nothing further to offer, Ashlyn smiled, “You’re going pro.” Ali smiled back at Ashlyn’s declaration and let her pull her into an excited comforting hug, “Oh my god, that’s amazing.” Holding her tight, Ashlyn sniffled back tears. Pulling back, she met Ali’s soft brown eyes and congratulated her, “You’re dreams are coming true.” Running a hand back through her hair and ending with it under her chin tilting it upward, she placed a quick kiss on her lips and asked, “Are you happy?”

  
“I don’t think I realized how big this was until you just said that to me. I can’t believe it.”

  
“You didn’t seem like you were happy about it.”

  
“I was more thinking about being on the west coast…” Ashlyn was trying to figure out the reason for her hesitation. “…away from you.”

  
The blonde smiled a little and her eyes wandered to the ring that hung from the silver chain around her neck. Ali was looking down at the ring as she reached out and lifted it a little to inspect it, “You know it doesn’t matter who you play for or where you live, right? You’re not getting rid of me that easily. You could sign with the ‘Tranquility Moon Monsters’ and I’m still going to love you.”

  
Ali tried to hold back her emotions and looked up through her thick lashes, “Thank you.”

  
Holding her smile a little longer for reassurance, Ashlyn leaned in and kissed the tip of her nose. “You go wherever is the best fit for you.” Shrugging slightly, she pulled one side of her mouth to the side and asked, “But maybe you rethink the ‘Tranquility Moon Monsters’. That kind of sounds freaky.”

  
Leaning over and kissing Ash’s lips, Ali asked, “Do you want to be my date?”

  
“When?”

  
Sitting back, Ali put her finger to her temple in pseudo thought, “Let’s say, maybe two weeks, in Paris?”

  
Confusion glassed over Ashlyn’s eyes until it struck her and she screamed, “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Ali! You won!” Crashing on top of her, she pulled her close and hugged her tightly, “That’s incredible!” 

  
Ali was laughing when Ash lifted up a few inches to look at her, “You are amazing. I have a beautiful, smart, talented, amazing fiancé.”

  
Smiling shyly, Ali blushed at the praise. Taking her face into her hand, she shook her head, “You’re sweet. You don’t need to make a fuss.”

  
“This is a big deal. You get to be happy. If they don’t think there’s anyone worthy, they don’t give it. This is a world-wide honor.”

  
A mischievous smile found her lips, “Then you’ll be my date?”

  
Ash nodded, “I wouldn’t miss it.”


	20. 50 Ways To Say Goodbye

** **

Ali was finishing in the bathroom with her make up and Ashlyn was basically killing time pacing the room. Checking her watch again, the blonde crossed the room and listened at the door. Knocking lightly, she called, “Are you almost ready?”

There was silence for a moment until she heard the lock on the door click. She waited for it to open but nothing happened. “Al?” Turning the doorknob, she pushed it open slowly until she saw Ali standing in front of the mirror staring back at her reflection. “You ok?”

Lifting her eyes to Ashlyn, she opened her mouth but then shook her head when no words came out. Clearing her throat, she tried again, “Do I look alright?”

The black form fitting dress hugged her hips and fell all the way to the floor and flowed out at the ends. The sleeveless dress plunged in the front and displayed a lot more cleavage than Ashlyn cared for. It was trimmed with silver sequins that gave her a classy sophisticated look that was far beyond her age of twenty-one.

Setting her jealousy aside, Ash shook her head, “Wow.” Her long brown hair flowed down her back in waves and fell over her shoulders. Taking a step closer, she studied the subtle natural tones of her make-up.

“I really really want to kiss you but I don’t want to mess you up. You look so pretty.” Ali smiled a little and asked, “You think so? It suits me?”

“I’m telling you, I’m fighting the urge to undo all of this that’s in front of me.”

Ali was wringing her hands in front of her nervously. She was raking her eyes over Ashlyn’s outfit that fit her well defined body perfectly. Her black suit covering the white dress shirt was trimmed with the same silver sequins as Ali’s dress. The sleeves of the shirt far extended the jacket and flowered out at the ends and hung longer around Ashlyn’s hands.

Ali smiled slightly and chewed on her bottom lip as she nodded, “Mmm, I can understand. You look so sexy.” Ashlyn’s white dress shirt was open at the collar revealing her neck and she really wanted to have her mouth on her. Reaching up, Ali leaned in closer and Ashlyn took her hands and backed up. Shaking her head, she promised, “If you do that, it’s over. We’ll never make it there.”

“I think you’re right.” Her eyes were housed with desire for the blonde and she nodded in agreement. When there was a knock on the door, Ali quickly turned, “That’ll be Rosa.” When she opened it, she greeted, “Oh, my, Ali, you look gorgeous.” When Ashlyn came to her side, she narrowed her eyes, “Hi, Ash. I didn’t know you were here. You’re with Ali?”

The tone and overall mood had changed. “Yes, I am.”

Ali glanced sideways at Ash and then back to Rosa. “I just have to get my clutch.” Nodding, Rosa told her, I’ll bring the car around and meet you around front.”

Once she left, Ali closed the door and stood with her back up against it. Then, looking up at Ash, she asked, “What happened? Is this a problem?”

Ashlyn’s jaw was set and her anger had colored her face, “I don’t want it to be. It’s up to you. If you want me to stay here instead of going with you, I get it.”

Shaking her head, Ali apologized, “I’m sorry. I don’t understand.” She was silent for a few moments, then looked back up, “Do you think…”

“Yes, I do. I think that’s exactly what it is. I just didn’t realize she would act this way. I don’t want you to end you having problems because of it. I’ll stay here.”

Shaking her head, Ali took a few steps closer to Ash and protested, “No. I don’t want to go without you.”

She reached her arms up and put them around the blonde’s neck and hugged, “Please come with me.” Resting her head on her shoulder, she sniffled back tears.

Ashlyn automatically wrapped her arms around Ali for comfort. Running her hand up and down her back soothingly, she angrily shook her head to herself. She absolutely hated it when Ali cried. What made it worse, there was nothing she could do about it. If Rosa was going to give Ali a hard time about their relationship, she could end up damaging her career. She had too much going for her to risk making a point based on spite or principles.

Her mind racing, she was trying to figure out a compromise. Massaging with her hand that was buried in her hair on the back of her head, Ashlyn asked, Maybe I’ll go but I won’t sit with you?”

Slowly pulling back to look at Ash, her focus went from each clear hazel eye to the other as she then shook her head and softly began, “If you’re not by my side with me then I don’t want to go. I don’t care about some dumb award. I wouldn’t be here and none of this would be happening if it weren’t for you.”

Letting out a defeated breath, she took Ali’s hand into her own with nothing else to offer in protest.

“I don’t want to push you if you’re not ready. But please don’t say you won’t come because you’re protecting me. I’m not ashamed to have you by my side.” She held Ashlyn’s focus with her eyes as she lifted her hand to her lips to kiss it. Taking a step back, she still held Ash’s hand in hers. When she backed up again, their hands separated, and Ali hesitated before turning and opening the door. Leaning against it a moment, she lowered her gaze and quietly pulled the door closed behind her.


	21. Close To You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're close to the end of part two. I'd like to know where you think they're going and your thoughts on their decisions.  
> Tell what you think so far. Will they make it? Will they get married?

Ashlyn was already asleep when Ali returned from the ceremony at almost three am. She stood in the center of the room, a little tipsy from the champagne, unsure of how to feel.

After she’d changed and gotten herself comfortable, she sat on the edge of the bed, staring. Glancing back over her shoulder at Ashlyn, she felt an overwhelming sadness. Turning off the lamp, she pulled the covers back and climbed into bed. She wanted to be in her arms.

Rolling onto her back, she thought about the evening. As soon as she got in the car, Rosa immediately informed her that Portland had suddenly decided to rescind their offer. Ali didn’t respond to her other than a side eye that perfectly conveyed her feelings.

Once they arrived at the theatre, Ali took part in dinner, interviews, and eventually the ceremony where she thanked her best friend for talking her into soccer tryouts on her high school team. She talked about how having someone there to support you and believe in you makes all the difference in the world. When the words caught in her chest and she took a moment to compose herself, she received a standing ovation for her thought to be courage and strength in light of recent events. She never let on that she was missing Ashlyn so much that it hurt.

At the after party, she arrived alone and no one had a second thought about it. She talked with some of the greatest soccer players in the world, past and present, and even had a few of them tell her they were fans of her.

After having a couple glasses of champagne, Ali found herself talking to a former player who’s name she couldn’t remember. She was nice and Ali enjoyed having a conversation with her about life after soccer and what she’d been able to accomplish. It was interesting to hear about how she transitioned from a professional soccer player, having never held a job, and becoming a wife and mother.

After her career as a player was over, she talked about what other opportunities she pursued. Ali talked about finishing up college in the fall and how she planned to utilize her degree.

When the woman’s sixteen year old daughter came to her side, she introduced her to Ali and the girl stuttered with a fan-based paralysis. Ali tried to set her at ease by asking about her team and what position she played, and eventually they had a conversation.

Before the end of the evening, Ali had signed some autographs, and her young fan had finally worked up the courage to ask for a selfie.

The evening ended up being enjoyable with one missing piece that made her chest ache. On the drive home, the silence in the car was deafening. Finally, before she exited the car, Ali told Rosa that she no longer needed her services and she would speak with the club in the morning.

The woman never acknowledged her statement and once Ali exited the car, they was no further exchange.

During the course of the night, Ali had taken mental notes at who was seated around her and the company they had all brought with them. She began to notice there was quite a few players who had brought ‘friends’ with them to the celebration. The longer she watched, the more she realized, she was among more friends than she’d realized. It might have been an unspoken courtesy that existed, but she also noticed the lack of ‘out’ players at the event. The number of exceptional players around the world that fell into that category seemed to be scarce. She wondered if Ashlyn really was trying to protect her or if she was still being stubborn with her reaction the way Lou would prompt her sarcasm. Sometimes Ali felt like she went too far but by that time the situation had usually escalated so much that it was impossible to reel herself back in and Lou would deal with her.

At one point during the night, Ali was in the foyer to the ladies’ room and she noticed one of the top players from Brazil and she by chance happened to see an exchanging of glances and a subtle touch of a hand that made her immediately smile. The interaction between them was so sweet and the relaxed language in her presence removed any doubt in her mind as to whether or not they were lovers.

When she was caught with her staring smile, Ali blushed and told her, “I’m a great fan. I admire your skills.”

Her peer smiled back and with a thick accent, responded, “Thank you, but I don’t know if I’d want to be caught in a foot race with you on the pitch. I must confess I am a great fan of you, Alex.” Her smile put her at ease and they exchanged a respectful hug at their chance meeting before they all parted ways.

Rolling onto her side, Ali fell asleep with her mind full of questions.

*

Turning on her side in her sleep, she opened her eyes a little foggy from the night before and focused on the hotel room that at first didn’t look familiar. Stretching her arms over her head, she noticed that Ashlyn was already gone.

Sitting up quickly, she scanned the room until she saw her bags were still there. Shaking her head to herself, she let out an exasperated breath. This whole thing had gotten blown way out of proportion simply because of one woman’s bigoted opinion.

Rosa’s views had effectively ruined the evening and driven a wedge between her and Ashlyn over the sudden need to decide whether or not they discuss their personal life with the world. The very thought of anyone caring or taxing themselves with what she does on her own time was inconceivable. She wondered if she was oversimplifying the situation or if there really was a need for disclosure in her case.

Dropping her legs over the side of the bed, she sat and thought about her teammates in Europe, the girls on the national team and even thought about the people she went to school with in college. She couldn’t really remember thinking about what their sexual preference was, even once, except when one of the guys in her ethics class made a rather risqué joke that clearly announced his orientation. However, even then, she didn’t dwell on it and she couldn’t care less who he went home with at night. It had no effect on her life.

That was what made it so difficult for Ali to understand why Rosa cared so much or why she suddenly made her feel as if she had done something so wrong. The only thing she knew she was guilty of was caring about Ashlyn’s feelings sometimes more than her own.

The lock on the door clicked and Ashlyn slowly opened it most likely trying to not make too much noise. When she noticed Ali, she apologized, “Did I wake you?”

Shaking her head, Ali maintained contact between them. Setting the keycard on the table, she finally looked away, “Ok, good.” Ali watched the blonde slowly and deliberately walk around the room at a snail’s pace, collecting things and packing up her belongings in an effort to avoid her.

Taking a frustrated breath, Ali finally asked, “Can we talk about this? Why are you upset with me?”

“I’m not upset, I figured you were pissed.”

“About what? You letting me go alone? I’m not happy about it but if that’s how you feel because you weren’t comfortable…..”

“Whoa!” Raising her voice enough to startle Ali, Ashlyn held her hands up defensively and went on, “Don’t put words in my mouth.”

“Then why didn’t you come with me?”

“I don’t want to create problems for you.”

“Don’t shout at me.” Ali stood and came around to the other side of the bed. “When you asked me to marry you, did you imagine a wedding with our friends or us in a dark basement somewhere?”

Lowering her voice, Ash shook her head, “I don’t know, Ali. I just know that I don’t want to see you get hurt.” Ashlyn’s stare had wandered to the low cut neckline of the nightshirt.

Her hands on her hips defensively, Ali took a step back, “What? What are you looking at?”

The corner of her mouth curling up, Ashlyn smiled in a way that chiseled a deep dimple on her cheek.

Throwing her hands out at her sides, Ali sarcastically asked, “Really, Ash? Really? Now you’re looking at me?”

Taking a step closer, Ash nodded, “Yeah, I’m looking at you.”

The smile between them disarmed her. She let her guard down and relaxed her stance.

Ash took a step closer and began, “I’m looking at how you took the chain off and put the ring back on your finger.” Reaching for her hand and holding it, “It looks nice there.”

Blushing a little, Ali shrugged, “The swelling’s gone and it doesn’t really hurt anymore.”

Cautiously trying to pull her into an embrace, Ashlyn confessed, “I was an ass to not go with you last night.”

Letting her pull her in and put her arms around her, Ali rested her head against the blonde, “Yeah, you were.”

“But I still think I made the right decision.”

Hesitating, Ali nodded against her, “I think so too.”

Backing up surprised, Ashlyn questioned, “You do? I was all ready for a fight, complete with my reasoning.”

Smiling, Ali told her, “Well, as much fun as that sounds, I think it gave me some time to think about where you were coming from and what’s really happening out there. I get what you were trying to do and why. I never really thought about the things that could happen if there’s someone like Rosa making trouble. I really saw things differently last night.”

Ashlyn smiled and had prepared to respond when Ali stopped her with a finger to her lips, “But it still doesn’t mean I’m complacent with why I have to agree with you. It’s unfair to have to hide, deny or pretend who I am for someone else’s feelings and beliefs. Why don’t mine matter as much?”

“I agree with that, Ali. It sucks. But all I can think about is how in high school, Jeff made you feel violated and dirty. We both had to be looking over our shoulder for him. I don’t want that happening out here where the stakes are higher. There’s so much more to lose.” Her arms wrapped tightly around the brunette and she continued almost in a whisper, “You’re more valuable to me than contracts, endorsements or even my career.”

Reaching up and hugging her in return, Ali sighed, “I understand. I just have to figure out how to not be me.” Standing motionless in each other’s embrace, Ali then said, “I fired Rosa last night.”

Letting out a defeated breath, Ashlyn apologized, “I’m sorry.”

“Me too. I just need to be more careful about things moving forward.”

Running her hands back through Ali’s hair, Ashlyn looked into her eyes, “I streamed your speech last night.” Running a finger along her bottom lip, she added, “You spoke very eloquently. It seemed like everyone else thought so too.”

“I had a lot of feedback. I met a lot of people. The only thing missing was you.”

“I know.” Dropping her hands to Ali’s hips and then down her legs, Ash rested her chin on her shoulder, “We have to get ready to go. We don’t want to miss our flight.”

Closing her eyes, Ali let out a frustrated breath. “I hate this. The next time I see you it will be Christmas.”

Pulling her closer, Ashlyn kissed her neck and whispered, “What a wonderful Christmas gift that will be.”


	22. Anytime, Anywhere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know your thoughts.

The women’s soccer team, along with a few other fall sports teams reported early to prepare for games. The season would start a few days before classes began, so move in day came early. If you didn’t have a roommate already, you could review the list of players and choose from those available.

Ali checked the list and she was still unattached to another player. She hadn’t filled out the preferred housing form in time to choose. She scanned the list again and couldn’t find Alyssa’s name attached or unattached. Setting the paper down on the table, she looked up and around the room.

Taking out her cell phone, she found Alyssa’s number and pressed call. After a couple rings, she answered, “Hi, Ali.”

“Hi, Lys. Where are you?” Scanning the crowd of athletes that had arrived to campus early, she saw a small group of team mates that had gathered on the other side of the gym but no Lyssa.

“I’m going to check out this coffee shop I heard about. Why, where are you?”

Ali stopped walking around the crowded gymnasium and said, “I’m at move in day looking for you. You didn’t put my name on the housing form so I’m unattached.”

“Ay, I didn’t realize that was today.” The phone muffled and Ali could hear Alyssa politely excuse herself from whomever she was with before returning to their phone call. “Ok, Ali, are you there?”

“Lys, what’s going on? Are you angry at me? You don’t want to room this year?” She felt her stomach tighten at the thought of there being tension between them.

“God, no, Ali. You and I are fine. I’ve just been really busy and I was meaning to call and talk to you before today. Time just got away from me.”

“Is everything alright?”

Alyssa took a deep breath, “It is. It honestly is for the first in a long time, Ali. My therapy has been going really well. It was hard at first but I’m working things out.”

Smiling to herself, Ali nodded, “That’s great. I’m proud of you.” Sitting on the bottom bleacher stand beside the basketball court, she went on, “You sound happy.”

Pausing, Alyssa agreed, “I am. I’ve put everything into accepting my past and who I am.” Lowering her voice, she almost whispered, “I’m seeing someone.”

“What!” Ali jumped to her feet happily and then covered her mouth with her hand when her outburst turned heads. “When did this happen?”

Laughing out loud, Alyssa confessed, “We’ve actually been talking for a while. But, it’s weird because recently, thing started to change. We admitted that we had feelings for each other.”

“Wow, that’s awesome.” Ali sat back down again, “But, wait. Why aren’t you here?”

Lowering her voice again, Alyssa began, “I made a decision that I think I needed.” Ali stood and turned her back to the people in an attempt to hear every word her friend was telling her. “I’m not coming back to school.” Her heart pounding nervously in her chest, Ali whispered, “Lys, no. You can’t give up.”

“It’s not like that, Ali.” Letting out a breath, she went on, “I signed with a team. I’m going to play in a professional league full time.”

Her thoughts stalled and she stuttered out, “You, w-what? You…really? I’m surprised. This is what you want?”

“Yes, it is.”

Ali, with conviction, began, “Then I’m happy for you. If that’s what you know in your heart will make you happy, then I wish you the best.”

With much emotion, making her voice thick, Alyssa was able to get out, “Thanks, Ali. That means a lot. I respect your opinion.”

Her excitement taking over, she thanked, “I think you’re a good judge of character and you have a good head on your shoulders. You’re going to do it all. Where did you sign?”

“Sky Blue.”

“Seriously? That’s awesome. When are you going to be with the team?”

“A couple weeks. Ash and Megan said I can rent one of their rooms.”

“That’s great.”

“The season’s almost over but it’ll be good to get out there and just get established in the area, you know?”

Ali was leaning against the glass watching people crossing the parking lot. “I can’t believe you’re a pro.” Hesitating as her thoughts caught up with her, Ali asked, “Wait, is that who you’re out with right now? Are you on a date?”

“Well, yeah. I mean, it’s just coffee.”

Laughing to herself, Ali prodded, “Well, then, get back to her. Don’t keep her waiting. And call me later because I want to know everything.”

“Ok, Ali.”

When she turned, she leaned back against the glass and thought about how far her friend had come with therapy. Ali had been putting off talking to someone until things settled down. She didn’t want to let it go but it had been non stop the whole summer.

When her coach spotted her, she walked over and put an arm around her affectionately, “Hey, Alex, congratulations on an incredible summer.”

“Thanks. I was just talking to Lys, I didn’t know she wasn’t coming back.”

Nodding, the woman added, “We actually lost four. You’re the only senior now.”

“Geez.”

Handing her an itinerary for the week, “You might get the room to yourself. It’s just how things worked out. Lucky girl.” Taking the packet and scanning it, Ali nodded, “Thanks. I’m going to get myself moved in.”

*

It was a little after ten when Ali had finished drying her hair and sat on the edge of her bed with a towel wrapped around her. The heat of the day had gotten to her and her body was feeling overworked. Her muscles were sore the hot shower had relaxed her enough that she was ready for bed. Accepting the video call on the first ring, she smiled into her phone, “Isn’t this a nice surprise.”

Ashlyn smiled back, “I’m full of surprises. Are you all settled in?” Ali nodded sleepily and told her, “It was one long day.”

“I’ll bet.”

“I bought a car. I felt bad borrowing from dad and Paul all the time and this was a big move. I couldn’t impose on them. There’s no reason to put them through that.”

“Sounds like a good investment.” Narrowing her eyes a little, Ash questioned, “What are you wearing?”

Looking up and away from the camera playfully, Ali pretended like she was thinking. Then, she glanced up through thick lashes, “A towel.”

Letting out a low growl, Ashlyn whined, “If only I’d called a little sooner.”

A flirty smile pursing her lips, Ali shook her head sadly, “…if only.”

Shaking off the thoughts invading her head, Ashlyn began, “So anyway, here’s another surprise. Megan rented out one of our rooms to a new sign-on to the team. But I guess you knew that by now.”

Feigning anger, Ali shook her head, “I can’t believe she dropped out.”

“She really talks to Megan a lot. I’m pretty sure she wants her freedom. School was her way of getting out, you know?”

Nodding, Ali agreed, “That makes sense.”

“So, you’re ok with this?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

Shrugging, the blonde told her, “I’m just making sure.” Her tone changing, she then began, “Let’s get back to you and this towel…”

Shaking her head slowly, Ali waved a lone finger, “I don’t think so. No peep shows.”

Frowning, Ashlyn scowled, “Bah, you’re no fun.”

Before they hung up, Ali looked to the screen, “You know I miss you at this time of the evening. I just want you beside me with your arms around me.”

Ashlyn’s mood growing more serious, she nodded, “I know. Pretty soon it’ll be how it used to be. Just you and me.”

Halfway smiling, Ali looked away.

“Goodnight, Ali.”

“..night, Ash.”

*

Her alarm sounded and Ali quickly silenced it. Burying her head under her pillow, she groaned at the day ahead of her. When she silenced the alarm, she felt it vibrate in her hand notifying her of a message.

Becky had texted her a few minutes earlier.

Bex: Hi, Ali. How’re you doing?

A: Much better. I saw the last couple games didn’t go so hot.

Bex: It’s hard to turn those trix without you

A: LOL

Bex: How do you feel? Kidney? Your mom? School?

A: There’s a whole lot in there, but it’s all working itself out. R U staying in Europe 4 the offseason?

Bex: That’s actually why I’m messaging. Because of how I played in high school, I had to go abroad and pray I found a home in football. I think if I never started playing with you and changed my style, none of my success would have been possible. I owe a lot to you, Ali.

Ali sat up halfway in bed and leaned back on her pillow. Pushing the call button, she waited for the connection.

“Ali?” Becky’s voice was startled. “I didn’t mean to bother you.”

Ali wanted to hear her voice, because she seemed so sincerely emotional. “Becky, I didn’t do anything. That was all you. We just worked well together.”

“Congratulations on your award. Will you take credit for that?”

Ali smiled to herself, “Yes, thank you. I just want you to take credit for your hard work. So does that mean you found a home with a contract?”

She could hear Becky smiling through her answer, “It does. I signed with Sky Blue.”

Sitting up, Ali shook her head to herself, “Did I miss a secret meeting? All my friends are going to New Jersey.”

Pausing, Becky then asked, “Why, who else is going?”

“Well, Megan has been there since she graduated. Ash started there this past season. I talked to my friend that I go to school with yesterday, Alyssa, she signed with them a couple weeks ago. She left school. And now you! It’s going to be an amazing season. All the ones I love will be there.”

Becky took a breath, “I love you, too.” She let out a sigh, “I met all of them this summer, right?”

“Yes, you did.”

“I liked them. It’s been easy to stay connected with everything going on. They kept me up to date on how you were when you got hurt. I’m still upset with you for taking off and not letting me know what was happening.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I really wasn’t thinking clearly. Losing my mother like that sent me into a tailspin. It wasn’t intentional.”

“I know, Ali. I just hope you know that you’re as much a part of my family as I am to you.”

“I’m beginning to see that.”

There was a long silence. Ali began to wonder if the call had dropped when Becky spoke again, “Alyssa and I are involved in a relationship. I kept in touch with her after you introduced us and we started talking but recently things changed. I would have told you sooner if you were here because you would have been a part of the evolution.”

When there was no sound on the line, Becky questioned, “Are you there?”

“I’m here. I was thinking about how much I used to talk about her to you.”

“I listened.” Becky’s voice seemed to change as she went on, “Then when I saw her for the first time when we were all having lunch and you introduced us, I can’t explain it. There was something about her smile. And I kind of got lost in her eyes...” When her words trailed off, Ali breathed out, “Wow, you’re in love with her.”

Becky immediately began to stutter, “I, no, you…what are you, crazy?” Letting out an exasperated breath, she continued, “You can’t say that. Don’t say things like that to her. I don’t want to scare her.”

Ali giggled to herself before she asked, “How come you never told me about yourself?”

Blowing out a sharp huff, Becky laughed, “See, I thought that would have been the first thing you asked before you realized that I was in love with…” There was a pause in her words, then, “Yeah. I’m in love with her. And honestly, it’s just one of those things. I wasn’t comfortable talking about it. But after that talk show and you told me about how you felt, it made me feel more confident. Especially the way you handled yourself. You amaze me sometimes.”

Settling herself back into the comfort of the bed linens, Ali asked, “You guys just had coffee?”

Singing out a response, Becky answered, “Uhm, nooo…”

Ali could hear the mystery wrapped inside her words, “Ok, spill it.”

“Uuuuuuuuuhh, c’mon, there isn’t that much to tell.”

“Well then start already. Did you kiss her?”

Becky tried to stifle a nervous laugh, “Yeah. We met at the park after dinner the other night. We sat beside each other on the picnic tables talking for hours. She was super shy. Every time I tried to look over at her and make eye contact, she’d lose her nerve and look away. Finally, I kept waiting for her to look up for long enough that I said her name and when she did, I kissed her. I was so nervous. That was my first kiss.”

Ali smiled to herself and hummed out, “Becky, that’s soooo sweet.”

“It really was. It was soft and slow and gentle. Alyssa’s face blushed so hard. I swear it was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.” Taking in a deep breath, she then confessed, “I ended up just putting my arms around her and she leaned her head against me for the longest time and we both felt so…content.”

Ali was chewing on her bottom lip thinking about the closeness they shared and how good it felt when it was with the right person. “I’m so happy for you guys.”

“It really was crazy that we both ended up in Jersey. She had been thinking about leaving school if she had the chance. The team made the first move with both of us. It just happened.”

Ali shook her head in disbelief, “Sometimes I guess things work out.” After she hung up with her friend, she looked at the time and grumbled as she reluctantly forced herself to get up and get started with her day.

*

After her game, Ashlyn leaned against the wall in the shower stall and let the hot water soothe her body. She felt beat up. Their season was over. It was a close game but a bad deflection pulled her to the wrong side and the ball slipped in with her fingertips only grazing it.

Banging her hand on the shower door, Megan yelled, “Yo! Quit sulking in there and let’s go. I’m starving.”

Forcing herself to not smile, Ashlyn grumbled, “Alright, hang on already.”

*

Walking to the car, Megan turned off the alarm with her keyring and tossed her bag in the back seat. Ashlyn opened the rear passenger door and threw her bag in. When she turned, there was a young blonde standing a few feet away just staring. Narrowing her eyes a bit, Ash nodded her head, “..’Sup?” She smiled a little and asked, “Did you get turned around the wrong way in the lot?”

The blonde hair, blue-eyed girl shook her head and smiled, “No, I really wanted to meet you. I’m a big fan.” Pushing the car door closed behind her, Ash took a couple steps, “Well, that’s nice. Thanks.” Holding out her hand, she added, “It’s nice to meet you….”

“Linda,” the young girl answered. “But you can call me, Lynne.” Her pale blue eyes were like cold steel that pierced their focus. She held her hand out to Ashlyn and never looked away. “That was a rough game tonight. You played well.”

The tiny hairs on the back of her neck stood on their ends when Ashlyn shook her hand and then Lynne let it linger until their hands slowly slid apart. “Thanks,” Ash smiled back and was keenly aware of the awkward silence.

Coming around the front of the car, Megan waved, “Hey, there. Did you need something?” Juggling her car keys to accentuate the sound, she looked to Ash, “You ready?”

Breaking her gaze with the girl, Ashlyn looked to Megan and answered, “Yeah, I’m ready.”

Quickly holding up a tee shirt, Lynne questioned, “Would you mind?” Shrugging a little, she blushed and looked down at the shirt shyly before glancing back up. It was a shameless display of flirting.

Taking another couple steps closer, Ashlyn took the sharpie she held out and watched the blue in her eyes deepen before she broke her connection and scribbled her name across the shirt. Handing it back slowly, she paused when Lynne’s other hand reached out and covered Ashlyn’s, “Thank you, Ash.” Her hand was warm enough that it sent a warming sensation to her cheeks that now filled with color.

Nodding slightly, Ash was frozen in place when the girl leaned up and placed a quick peck on her face beside her lips. Then she backed up a few steps before turning and walking back toward the stadium. Reaching for the door handle of the car behind her, she finally turned when she never found it. Stepping into Megan’s hard stare, she fell back a step, “Sorry,” she apologized.

When Megan didn’t budge, Ash raised an eyebrow, “What?”

“What, she says. Are you out of your cotton-picking mind?” Her tone was pure anger. “I’m serious. Did you get hit in that melon of yours? Because if Ali saw that exchange, you’d be staring down the business end of a female hissy fit. And I’m not too sure I’d want to be on the receiving end if it’s Ali.”

Looking over in the direction the blonde had walked, Ash shook her head, “You’re nuts, she wanted an autograph.”

“Alright, listen, you’ve got that sexy white girl swagger thing going on and there’s a lot of girls around here that are picking up what you’re putting down, you get me?”

Ashlyn was staring almost blankly until Megan raised her voice, “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll keep it in your pants, Harris. I mean it. I was there the last time you two had a minor tragedy and I tell you right here and now, I don’t plan to go through that hell again. So zip it up, put your tongue back in your head and go home and take a cold shower.”

Stepping around Megan, Ash pulled open the car door and stepped up into the cab of the truck. Pulling on it, she angrily slammed it closed. Megan walked around to the driver side and pulled herself up and into the driver’s seat, then she pointed at her friend, “If you hurt that girl, I’ll rip your thumbs off. Then I’ll tell Alyssa what you did to her. You’ll be sleeping with one eye open.”

Driving in silence until Megan pulled up in front of their home, Ash then grumbled, “Drop it ok?”

“Consider it dropped. But if I see some groupie come within 2 feet of you, you’re done.”

Opening the car door and jumping down, Ash walked up the cement paving to the porch and climbed the stairs. Pulling open the screen door, she almost bumped into Alyssa who was still bringing boxes in from her car with Becky trailing behind her, arms full of totes and bags full of clothes. Ash nodded unceremoniously and continued into the house.

Megan followed up the sidewalk and asked if they needed a hand. Alyssa stopped beside her and asked, “If Becky stays the night, is that ok? I mean, what’s the rules. I don’t want her to have to drive back so late.”

“I don’t see it being a problem, just keep it down.”

Alyssa appeared a little offended and before Megan could walk away, she reached for her arm and leaned in to whisper, “We’re not having sex. I thought you should know that. I honestly just don’t want her to drive back so late.”

Megan met her sincere eyes and nodded, “Alright.” She glanced back at Becky, who reached Alyssa’s side smiling, and added, “I’m glad you’re here, Lys.”

*

Alone in her room, Ashlyn pushed the button to video chat with Ali. When she answered, she was walking across a courtyard at school. “Hi, baby, “she smiled. The warmth in her eyes, even through the video, gave Ashlyn butterflies.

“Are you busy?”

Stopping suddenly, Ali stared back into the screen, “Is everything ok?” The wind was blowing her hair across her face now, keeping her from being able to focus.

“Yeah, of course,” she quickly answered, stifling a smile at Ali’s losing battle with the wind. Quickly making her way into the nearest building, she found herself a quiet corner to sit and talk. She sank back into a plush chair Ashlyn could see immediately relaxed her.

“How’s the semester going?” Ali set her bag down beside her and dropped her book into her lap. Leaning back against the chair, she held the phone with both hands now and smiled back, “It’s good. I can’t believe how fast the time went.”

“I saw the box score on your game over the weekend. What in the hell got into you?”

Ali giggled a little and shrugged, “They couldn’t figure out how to make the shift. So we kept crossing from the corners and the middle was wide open every time.”

“Yeah, but eight goals, Ali?” Ashlyn was shaking her head as she laughed, “I would LOVE the hear what that coach had to say after that game. Those girls are probably still running laps.”

Ali crinkled her nose, a little embarrassed, and watched the blonde play her own personal game footage of the debacle in her head. “It doesn’t look like anyone is going to catch you guys.” Lost in her own thoughts, Ashlyn’s gaze landed on something outside the frame of the phone’s view. Ali bit her bottom lip and waited for Ashlyn to question her.

When the blonde looked back into the camera briefly, Ali smiled.

Ashlyn stood and brought the camera with her to the other side of the room where a large box sat on the desk. Narrowing her eyes, she whispered, mostly to herself, “Oh, Ali.”

Carrying the box with her and sitting on the edge of her bed, Ash looked at the brunette again, “What is this?” Ali smiled shyly as the blonde held up the box that was addressed to her.

“I mailed it while we were away over the weekend so it would get to you by your birthday. I hate that we’re not together for special occasions.” Resting her head against the side of the plush chair for comfort, her voice became softer, “I miss you.”

Ashlyn set the box beside her and smiled back, “You’re so sweet.”

Ali smiled as color filled her cheeks, “I want you to know that I think about you all the time. You’re always in my heart.”

Sniffling, the blonde took a deep breath, “I wish you were here, Al.”

Sitting up a little, Ali asked, “Do you want to open it? I won’t have the chance to watch you tomorrow because I’ll be away. I’d love to know if you like it.”

Setting the box in her lap, Ash asked, “Even though it’s not officially my birthday until tomorrow?”

Ali quickly nodded.

Unwrapping the brown paper packaging, she said it aside. Lifting open the top, she pulled out a thin flat box. Giving Ali a glance, with one eyebrow raised in curiosity, Ashlyn slid the top off and unfolded the velvet covering. Lying on soft padding was a silver frame with an infinity symbol engraved on the bottom bookended by capital A’s on either side.

Standing the frame up, Ashlyn’s eyes filled with tears as she remembered the night the photograph was taken. Her brother had suggested they take a picture for their first Christmas together. He snapped the first pic then commented how happy they looked. That was when Ali leaned back against Ashlyn and looked up at her over her shoulder. Standing with her arms around Ali’s waist, they were gazing into each other’s eyes, oblivious to the existence of anything around them.

Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, Ashlyn’s voice cracked as she spoke, “Ali, this is amazing.” Their eyes meeting, they both fell back in time, as their minds lingered on the security of the safe space they’d created for one another. Smiling, she confessed, “I still think of you whenever I smell citrus. It reminds me of coming home at the end of the day and being with you. Simple things, like standing in the kitchen with you doing the dishes, or the two of us studying together on the sofa.” Immediately setting the 8x10 frame on the table beside her bed, she smiled as she admired it, “Thank you, Ali.”

Her tone was as soft as her features as she spoke, “Happy Birthday.” Her voice breaking up, she nodded, “There’s something else.”

Peering over the edge and into the box, she reached in and pulled out another small flat package. It was gift wrapped and felt soft underneath her fingers as she held it. “It’s really light,” she commented as she pretended to weigh it on her hands as a scale. Sliding her fingers under an edge of the paper, Ash tore some away and stared at it for a moment with narrowed eyes. There was some familiar looking fabric inside of a ziplock bag. Looking up at Ali, she was thinking.

When Ali finally couldn’t contain her smile, she looked up and away from Ashlyn’s curious eyes. Holding the ziplock bag out, she studied it, scanned it and then slowly peeked around the edge as she smiled back at Ali. Sliding open the top, the scent of the fabric caused her to close her eyes as she brought it closer. Removing it from the bag, she unfolded it and let it open all the way to become the familiar rectangular shape.

Ali explained, “I took out the stitching along the seams and sewed it into a pillowcase…..after I wore it to bed and slept in it, of course.” Ali had used one of her favorite nightshirts to make the gift for her.

Her eyes closed, Ashlyn was piecing together every scent; Ali’s lightly scented bodywash, the mint shampoo, sweet deodorant and warm vanilla body lotion. When all of those thing blended together with Ali’s natural essence, Ashlyn was barely eighteen years old again, holding the brunette in her arms as they stood in the middle of her bedroom.

Ashlyn slid the new case over her pillow and leaned back with it in her arms before lying back on it. She buried her face into it and took a deep breath, ““I love you so much, Alex.”

Pulling her jacket around her when she felt the familiar warmth spread out from her center, the brunette blushed and sank further back into the chair. “I love when you call me that,” she whispered.


	23. More Than A Woman

Ashlyn stood just outside the entrance to the Penn State Commencement. She was waiting to meet Jackson, Paul and Jacob so they could sit together for the ceremony. Megan, Alyssa and Becky had set out together to find the restroom, so Ashlyn stood nervously pacing by herself. She’d last talked to Ali almost two weeks ago and since then, it seems her life had been completely turned upside down.

*

_She called when she was able to talk in a quiet environment privately but that wasn’t always possible. A lot of the time, Ali would send her scattered texts where she was able to pass on sketchy details in a rush because even Ali wasn’t sure of all the information. She was also working on studying for finals, completing her research analysis that her entire academic career hinged on while trying to prepare for commencement._

_Ash realized that she sent text messages when she was embarrassed about delivering news that she considered bragging. The text celebration seemed to be all she could handle. To date, she’d been awarded national recognition from Soccer America, First-Team All-America, D-1 Title XI as well as four different conference specific awards that recognized her playing ability. Ashlyn also knew she’d been nominated for the prestigious Hermann Award. However, Ali received one award that prompted her to called Ashlyn and talk about it. ESPN contacted the University and arranged an on-campus interview for an award presentation that she knew nothing about until she was called to the lecture hall for a team meeting._

_The Human Kind Interest Award for Sportsmanship highlighted a string of events that were related to her interaction with opposing players and reactions to opponent scoring. When the video selections were played on the screen, the majority of the people in the hall were amazed at what was captured. A team of film editors separately combed through game footage independently to evaluate player reactions on the field after the opposition assumed possession or in response to goals given up. The team was tasked with finding what they considered the top humanitarian actions on field. In total, they accumulated thirty-six separate events by the time they’d gone through all the footage._

_As they began reviewing the footage on each individual event as a team, they quickly became aware of the fact that Ali was responsible for almost nineteen of the thirty-six they’d chosen. It became clear, that her demeanor on the field was always respectful, and her sportsmanship was unmatched. Along with a beautiful trophy that they presented to her, she was given a check for five thousand dollars to donate to the cause of her choice. When Ali called Ashlyn, she told her that she’d given the money to her youth program that she played for as a child._

_It was close to three in the morning a couple weeks ago when Ali texted, asking if Ashlyn was awake. When the video call connected, Ash could tell that she was overburdened and stressed out. She stared back in silence for the longest time before she half smiled through a hello._

_Lying on her side, Ashlyn set the phone on the pillow beside her head and asked, “Do you want to climb into bed with me?” Taking the cue, Ali nodded and disappeared for a minute from the camera view. When she returned, she was wearing one of Ashlyn’s oversized tee shirts that she’d worn to sleep and spritzed with her favorite scent that Ali loved, before sending it to her in a zip lock bag. Her phone beside her on her pillow, Ali was on her side staring back at Ashlyn. Her tired eyes were heavy with anxiety that had exhausted her._

_Hugging a pillow, she listened to Ashlyn talk about her day. She complained about how cold it was in the morning and it made getting up for her am workout miserable. She went through the new winter routine that was put in place and talked about what she liked and what she would change._

_She told Ali about how Alyssa and Becky were spending a whole lot of their time together. Becky had finally found housing through the team that wasn’t very far from the practice facility. It wasn’t all the time, but maybe once a week, Alyssa didn’t come home at night. She explained how Alyssa sat down with her and Megan recently and apologized for her behavior. Ashlyn then apologized to Ali. She didn’t realize how much pressure Alyssa was putting on her and how much Ali was trying to manage it to salvage their friendship._

_Ali asked if she was still angry with Alyssa. Having resolved with the dynamics involved, Ashlyn quickly shook her head no. She explained how she felt it was necessary to move past it before it ruined her relationship. She decided that she wanted to be with Ali more than she wanted to stay angry. It was a mistake and dwelling on it wasn’t going to change anything._

_Ashlyn could see the relief on Ali’s face. She wanted everyone to be friends and for the tension between them all to alleviate. “Do you spend much time with the team?” the brunette then questioned._

_Shaking her head, Ashlyn told her, “Not really. Right after Halloween, we had an end of the season celebration and there’s a big chunk of the team that had their contract end. So, everybody is in negotiations right now and I expect that’ll be what’s up until after the draft. By then, we’ll know who’s on the team.”_

_Ali pulled another nearby pillow closer to her and rested it against her back. “I watched that friendly you played. You pulled your thigh, didn’t you?”_

_Raising an eyebrow back at Ali, the blonde asked, “How in the world did you know that?”_

_Ali rested her head on her arm and smiled, “I watched you walking around the stadium. Every third step, you changed direction a little so you could stretch it.”_

_Ashlyn wrinkled her face a little when she realized she’d been caught. “Yeah.”_

_“Did you tell the trainer?” Ali bowed her head as she spoke so she could focus. When Ash hesitated, Ali slowly shook her head, “Is it still bothering you?”_

_Pulling her mouth to one side and nodding, she hummed out a confirmation._

_“If you let them get at it now in the off season, you’ll be better off. You don’t want to risk tendonitis in the beginning of the season and then have to sit out.” Ali was nodding in a way that made Ashlyn nod along with her so she knew she was right and that she agreed._

_“I’ll talk to them tomorrow.”_

_*_

Ashlyn scanned the crowds walking through the entrance checkpoint until she finally recognized her ragtag group of friends. They gathered along the side of the walkway briefly when Jackson waved from shuttle they were exiting. Once they greeted one another they made their way into the stadium.

Jackson sat beside Ashlyn so they could compare notes regarding their separate conversations with Ali recently. He explained that Ali had been recruited by several engineering companies that were interested in what she’d been working on. Student Services had arranged some meetings that were offering her jobs in their research and development department. He said it was around two weeks ago that she met with Pfizer and Dow Pharmaceuticals, but she turned them down.

Ashlyn questioned if she’d offered up that information freely and he quickly told her that he had to pry the information out of her because she was so unsure of her decision. Together they figured out that was the night that Ali had texted at three in the morning.

“I’ve been worried about her mental health,” he confessed. “She puts insurmountable pressure on herself.”

Ashlyn nodded and agreed. “I know that she’s worked so hard and this means the world to her.”

Leaning across the two, Megan questioned, “Would you both mind if I threw my nickel in the jar? Ali just so happened to consult with her BFF two days ago.” Glancing back at Alyssa who was frowning, she winked, “Sorry kid, I got the corner on the market.”

Returning her attention to Ash and Jackson, she shook her head, “You guys put on the kid gloves with her and she senses it. That’ll prompt the automatic shut down feature. She wanted some authentic no bullshit real time talk about taking that next step into the real world with no safety net. She honestly just needed to know that the world wasn’t going to crumble one way or another solely based on her decisions.”

Jackson let out a sigh of relief when he realized that she was having normal anxiety. “Do you know what she asked me?” Megan stated as she tussled her hand through Jacobs unruly brown curls. “She asked me if she was going to have a hard time balancing a checkbook when she started paying bills once she found somewhere to live. She asked me how far in advance I buy groceries.”

Ashlyn bowed her head and smiled to herself as Megan added, “She was serious. She was terrified she wouldn’t be able to manage her money.”

“The Valedictorian is worried about clipping coupons to make ends meet,” Becky mused. Megan nodded, “I think we need to remember what that hard candy shell is covering.”

Shaking his head, Jackson mumbled, “Oh, dear Alex.”

No sooner had the words left his lips, the speaker asked everyone to please stand as they welcomed the graduates of the Class of 2024. With a steady stream of students entering from opposite sides to fill each side of the stadium field, everyone strained to watch the video boards and scan the crowd for any sign of Ali. As soon as the faculty and department chairs found their way on stage, Ali was among the first few behind them and took their places in a chair among them. From where they were sitting in the crowd, it appeared that Ali was relaxed and happy.

The ceremony began with introductions from the Dean as well as keynote speaker. A student representative then gave a speech before finally introducing Ali as Valedictorian. She spoke in general terms that recounted situations that all of them could relate to rather than place focus on herself. She reminded the graduating class to thank those who helped get them to where they are now. Ali had found Jackson and her friends as she was speaking. It was then that they collectively knew she was speaking directly to them as she emphasized how important the love and support of those around you made the difference. When she was finished, she turned to leave the podium and the Dean was standing close by, asking her to stand with him a moment.

Ali stood beside him as he spoke.

“We pride ourselves on cultivating some of the brightest minds and encouraging them to become forward thinking and engaging in the world around them. Our engineering program is one of the most difficult in the country while producing many of today’s top developers in the industry. As competitive as this program is, it’s safe to say that completing this degree early is nothing less than incredible. To combine the degree, with achieving a master’s in the same time frame, seems an impossible task. I would like to mention that we’ve only had six students ever achieve this. Alex is the first woman and the only to become Valedictorian.”

There was an eruption of thunderous applause around the stadium with Ashlyn standing proudly and smiling at Ali with such admiration for her accomplishment.

Glancing beside him, he smiled. “My goal here is not to embarrass this young woman, but to bring to light the hard work and dedication that she’s tirelessly done from the moment she stepped foot on campus three months before her freshman year began. She began immediately participating in our summer STEM workshop where she proposed an idea that would become her sole focus here. With the help of her advisors, she put together a theory and submitted a package to the U.S. patent office to complete the application process. Flash forward three and a half years later. Despite her limited summer availability due to other “goals”, she was able to prove her theory late last spring.”

“I’m pleased to announce, that a few weeks ago, the petition for a U. S. patent, was accepted and registered in the name of our most prestigious master’s candidate and Valedictorian for the class of 2024, Miss Alexandra Blaire Krieger.”

“Alex has developed a way to use,” leaning closer to her for confirmation on the pronunciation, “polyethylene glycols, to protect crops in drought-stricken conditions as well as other harsh climates by insulating them until conditions are more suitable for rooting. It promises to give crops in struggling socioeconomic countries the ability to remain eighty percent more likely to produce fruitful crops. Her hope in this endeavor is to make a difference in world hunger.”

Ali covered her smile with both her hands as the news of her patent was announced. Then she turned and searched for her advisor who greeted her with an embrace to celebrate the achievement before they continued with Commencement.

*

Finding Ali in the large crowd proved almost impossible. She was taking pictures with friends and saying goodbye as well as dividing herself with people who now realized who she was in athletics and requested photos and autographs.

After a few texts, the group found each other and were able to take their time. Alyssa and Becky spotted her first and both hugged her tightly when they met. Becky stepped back and congratulated her and Alyssa kissed her cheek and squeezed her hand. “You did it,” she smiled. Ali hugged her again as she sniffled back happy tears.

Cutting between them, Megan asked, “Can a girl get some love from the celebrity?” Ali looked to Megan as she smiled, “I told you. Piece of cake, right?” Bowing her head a bit, she nodded, “Piece of cake…”

Jacob found Ali next and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his head against her affectionately. “Yay, Ali!” Kneeling down to meet him eye level, she crinkled her nose a bit as she spoke, “How’s my favorite brother?” Jacob’s happy expression displayed how enamored he was with brunette. Taking the symbolic gold medallion from around her neck, she pulled it over the boy’s head to rest around his neck, “You take care of this for me.” He kissed her cheek and hugged her again before closely inspecting the treasure he now guarded.

Paul pulled her into an embrace and congratulated, “Amazing. You’re simply amazing.” Turning to Jackson, who was standing by her side, he handed her a bouquet of pale pink roses. She looked down at the flowers she held and it was obvious she was losing control of her emotions. Her bottom lip holding back in a taut pout, she met his eyes and he smiled at her, “You’re an incredible young woman, Miss Krieger. And I’m proud to be your father.” Ali finally began to cry and Jackson wrapped his arms around her affectionately, “You did it, Alex.” Smoothing her hair with his hand, he whispered again, “You did it, sweetie.” When she pulled back to look at him, he nodded, “And I know, that your mother is so proud of what her little girl has done today.” Ali let a sob escape her, “Thank you.” She took a quick breath before her voice could fail her and repeated, “Thank you...for everything.”

Alyssa wiped her eyes with a tissue and Becky slipped her hand into her girlfriend’s for comfort. Resting her head against her shoulder in return, she silently squeezed Becky’s hand in appreciation.

Pulling the clips from her hair that held the cap in place, Ali removed it from her head and looked back over her shoulder. She saw Ashlyn standing patiently and smiled halfway before her face filled with color. Reaching for her hat and flowers, Jackson held them and motioned for her to go to her fiancé.

When Ashlyn smiled, the deep dimple that carved out her cheek made Ali’s stomach flutter. She took a few steps closer and Ashlyn met her the rest of the way. Standing inches apart, Ash took her hands and held them lightly as she rested her head against Ali’s forehead. Lost in each other’s eyes briefly, Ashlyn whispered, “Are you finally all mine?”

“I’m all yours.” Color filling her cheeks, Ali smiled back, “No more beakers.”

Lowering her head, she found Ali’s lips for a soft kiss. Mirroring each other’s smile, Ashlyn slid her arms around Ali’s waist and met her lips again with more passion. Pulling her closer against her, they shared an embrace as the waves of people moved around them on the college campus.


	24. Lover?

Seated around a large rectangular table at the restaurant, everyone talked about the graduation ceremony and asked questions about what was next. Ali reluctantly talked about the meetings with the companies that offered her employment when Jackson referenced to the job market.

“I realize now that they knew about the patent details and were interested in having me on their R&D team. Dow and Pfizer are both great companies and they offered me opportunities to develop my product at my own pace with the help of a research team that I could choose and hire.”

Becky leaned a little closer from across the table and asked, “Was all that insulting?”

Meeting her confused stare, Ali shook her head, “It’s not that.” She smiled at her friend and went on, “The realities of putting this chemical into an active blend application that would be safe to apply to all food and crops, if I devote a solid two or three years to it exclusively, is still a good ten years away.”

Alyssa breathed out, “Wow.”

“Yeah,” Ali added. “That’s not what I want to do.”

“If you knew that going in, then why take the meetings?” Megan was analyzing.

“Jackson said it would be good practice and informative to take these meetings to understand how they work and learn to negotiate. Plus, I could see what they really wanted to accomplish and see if it met with what I wanted to do in the long run.”

Megan was thinking. “Dow was interested in mechanical engineering purposes.” Smiling, Ali nodded, “Yes.”

“What about Pfizer,” Megan wanted to know.

“They were interested in pharmaceuticals aspects. Finding ways to make the outer coating for pills easier to swallow while not compromising the integrity of the medication. I wasn’t interested in that.”

Alyssa was listening to the conversation until there was a break. Then, she narrowed her eyes at her friend and asked, “You’re going to sell it. Aren’t you?”

The table became silent and Ali met her friend’s challenging stare. Her hesitation and the focus between the two, almost uncomfortable. “I’m thinking about it.”

Leaning over to Alyssa, Becky whispered, “Is that bad?”

Alyssa shrugged, “It depends on whether you want to give all your hard work away.”

Jackson then began, “I think that up to this point, Alex has made some very sound decisions. Let’s let things stay fluid for a while and see where they settle.”

Ali and Alyssa were still focused on each other from across the table. “Why would you work so hard on something that you believed in only to let someone else use it. How do you know they’ll do the right thing?”

“I don’t.”

Alyssa was getting upset. “There were nights that you were in the lab for like twenty hours. You weren’t sleeping or even eating. I don’t understand.”

Ali sat back in her chair and took a deep breath. “I’ll hold the rights to this chemical equation. And just think about it…if everyone already has a use for what it can do, imagine if it becomes open source. Everyone wins. There’ll be advancements across the boards.”

“Geez, Ali.” Megan was thinking aloud. “You could just suggest the desired results in any area and it would create a manufacturing war of sorts.”

Smiling a little, the brunette nodded, “Then they do all the real work.”

As mostly everyone pondered the outcomes that were suggested, the waitress came to the table and took orders for drinks and appetizers. Once she left, the conversation returned to a lighter banter.

Ashlyn rested her hand on top of Ali’s that was now on the table and held it lightly as everyone spoke. Then Ali cleared her throat, “Listen, I’m glad everyone is here in one place. I thought maybe Christmas I’d have an opportunity to talk to everyone.” Her hesitation piqued enough curiosity for the table to silence.

Smiling, Ali squeezed Ashlyn’s hand. Then, she announced, “Ash and I are engaged. She asked me a few months ago when we both returned from Paris.” Her friends began to congratulate her and ask questions when suddenly Jacob stood from his chair. Jackson quickly questioned, “Jacob, where are you going?” His tone was of concern regarding the out of character action. Coming around the table and standing beside Ali, he placed his hand on the table with hers and turned his back to Ashlyn. He was looking up at her silently. Meeting his pleading eyes, she smiled and lowered her voice, “Are you alright?”

The boy looked down at the table and watched the way Ashlyn’s hand caressed Ali’s. Sliding his hand closer, he tucked it underneath Ali’s and then looked back up again to meet her eyes. Ash pulled her hand back slowly and looked to Jackson who was halfway standing.

“Ali can come home now?” With his other hand, he reached over and gently placed it on her side, “Do you feel better now?” The innocence in his question paled in comparison to the physical gestures. He waited anxiously for only her to give him words he understood.

She nodded, “Yes. I’m feeling better.” When she smiled at him, Jacob returned with his own happy sigh of relief. He pulled back his hand from her side that had described his worry. Then, he waited. Ali leaned closer and asked, “Do you know what’s happening in five days?” Immediately raising her hand with her fingers stretched out, she motioned for him follow her lead, “One, two,…” Jacob put a finger to each of her fingertips gently to count out her fingers, “Three, four…five.” They counted together. She smiled at his success and then gave him a playful tap on his nose, “Very good. In five days, it’s Christmas morning, Jacob.” His eyes lighting up, he took in an excited breath.

Her voice lowering for him, she whispered, “Ali is going to have a special present for you under the tree because Jacob has been so good.” Glancing over to Jackson, the boy smiled.

Nodding a little, Jackson motioned, “Tell Ali your good news.”

Meeting Ali’s brown eyes, Jacob lifted his hand out from hers and then held it lightly with intention, “I am playing the Olympics in soccer like Ali.” Her honest surprise when she took in a breath was enough to delight him to a giggle.

Overwhelmed with emotion, she asked, “Can I have a big hug?” Nodding, Jacob wrapped his arms around her tightly. Her arms around him lightly, she asked, “What are you going to do in the Olympics, Jacob?”

Taking a step back, he put a hand on each of her cheeks with his hands gently and smiled, “Do my best and have fun.”

She nodded, “That’s right.”

“Then will Ali come home?” He tilted his head in a pout as he waited. Her eyes filled with tears knowing that her next words would be a lie. “I miss Ali,” he confessed sullenly.

_A non-verbal autistic has a much better chance at thriving in an environment that supports their needs when they connect on an emotional level. Jacob very easily followed commands and direction but had never spoken. When Ali came home from the hospital, Jacob was curious about her but kept his distance. That is, of course, until one afternoon, he happened to hear her crying in the bedroom. He sat outside her bedroom door, with his back against it, just listening to her sob._

_Paul and Jackson checked on her frequently and tried to support her needs in any way that she’d let them. But her despondent feelings overwhelmed her at times and left her alone and crying._

_Jacob sat outside her bedroom with his back against the wall just listening one afternoon. Jackson was leaving the room carrying her untouched lunch tray and left the door ajar. Once Jackson had descended the stairs, Jacob peeked into the room. He quietly crawled closer to the bed and then sat listening again._

_When she sniffled a little, he sat up slightly and stretched to look up on the bed. Ali was lying on her side facing him. When she noticed him watching her, she raised her eyebrows a little and then smiled slightly at his innocence. He stared back a moment before he stepped closer, resting his hands gently on the bed._

_Looking to his hands, she watched him slide one closer to her. Then lifting it slowly, he used the tip of his finger to dry a tear from her cheek. She let out a breath that resembled a laugh and the boy smiled back at her. Lifting the comforter up a few inches, she silently invited him closer._

_When he climbed in beside her, they quietly watched each other. “What’s your name,” she whispered. After there was silence, she told him, “I’m Ali.” He curled himself a little closer, and she smiled, “You smell like cookies.” The boy smiled back because her crying had stopped._

For whatever the reason, Jacob had bonded with Ali in a way that neither Paul or Jackson had been able to in the four years since they’d become his guardians and then eventually, his legal parents. The relationship between them had become responsible for his vocabulary that exploded. Jacob found her sitting on the swing set in the back yard that he had never shown any interest in before. He sat on a swing beside her and quietly matched her graceful pace. When she began kicking the soccer ball around the yard, he quickly caught on and would volley it back and forth between them. She never treated him with condescension and she always talked with him, leaving the questions that she asked, open for his response when he was ready.

Her hesitation prompted him to question again, “Then will Ali come home?” He still had his hand grasping hers. Alyssa had covered her mouth to silence any sound that she couldn’t contain. The tears that filled her eyes matched those of Megan’s as they both looked away to avoid the scene.

“Don’t keep your brother waiting,” Ashlyn prodded. “Let him know you’ll come home to see him soon.”

“I will, Jacob. I will come home every chance I get so I can see you.” His hands still on her cheeks, his eyes searched hers as she spoke. He smiled, “I miss you, Ali.” Then turning, he let go of Ali and looked up at Ashlyn. He watched her closely before he reached out and took her hand into his. Then he placed it over Ali’s again. Walking slowly back to his chair, he sat down beside Jackson.

Smiling, Megan asked, “Do you think he gave you his blessing?”

Ashlyn met Jacob’s sincere and gentle yet watchful eyes from across the table and smiled. “Very classy little man.” He smiled suspiciously at her and then looked up at Jackson, “Ali will be safe now.”

A hand on his shoulder affectionately, Jackson smiled. Looking to Ashlyn, he nodded, “Yes, she will be.”

Alyssa asked, “Do you have a date set? Or any idea when?”

Ali shook her head no and Ashlyn began, “Hopefully as soon as possible. I want to get started making her my happy bride.” Leaning over she placed a kiss on Ali’s cheek. “I’m not going to drive back with the girls. I’ll stay and help Ali pack up her dorm and we’ll meet you at home in a day or two.”

Jackson nodded, “That makes me feel better knowing she’s not driving alone.”

*

After dinner, Ali took her time with everyone, thanking them for coming to her graduation. Once she stood alone in the parking lot with Ashlyn, she shook her head, “I can’t believe this day.” Taking a couple steps closer, Ashlyn took her hand as they walked back to her building, “I already talked with Alyssa and Megan. You can stay with us until the draft. I’d really like that.”

Ali smiled and asked, “Can everyone put up with me for a month?”

Climbing the stairs to the second floor together, Ashlyn laughed a little. “They’ll get by. But I’d really like that.”

Pushing open the door to her dorm, Ali waited for Ashlyn before closing it behind her. “You’ve been busy.” Ashlyn stood in the center of the room looking at the boxes and packed up luggage. “I was ready to get this done for you. I want to get you home with me as soon as possible.” Her voice was steady.

“I’ve got most of it done. In the morning, it should just be bed linens and clothing that I need to gather up.”

Sitting on the edge of the bed, the blonde folded her hands in front of her, “Jacob is quite a kid. I didn’t realize how taken with you he’d become. He’s awful protective, isn’t he?”

Crossing the room and sitting beside her, Ali kicked off her heels, “I think he’s seen me cry more than anyone in my life. I had a hard time at first.”

“I can’t imagine how you felt.” Ashlyn was staring into her lap. “Do you ever regret going there that Christmas?”

Ali had slipped off her stockings and stopped to look over. “Why would I regret going there?”

Her voice lowered and she’d begun to shrug her shoulders as she spoke, “I don’t know. I mean, think about it. He was going to kill you, Ali. He wanted to rape you and beat you to death.” Her speech was becoming erratic. “I think about what if the police never found you or he’d done more damage…I shouldn’t have brought you there. Neither of us should have ever gone there that night.”

Reaching her hand out and holding Ashlyn’s, Ali was watching her struggle to hold back her emotions. “It’s ok.”

Standing quickly, Ashlyn was shaking her head, “It’s not ok, Ali. You get kicked in the side and think it’s ok to fly home. You almost died. Twice. I mean, what the hell was I thinking? You need more than Jacob looking out for you. I’ll never let something like that happen again.” She waved her arms as she began to raise her voice, “I walked you into that house and handed you to him. That pig! That pedophile…”

Leaning back a little, Ali wanted to calm her anger. She’d never seen her so upset before. “Ash,” she tried. “Come here.”

Slamming her hand into the wall, she began pounding her fist into it until Ali jumped up and wrapped her arms around her waist and tried to pull her away, “Ashlyn, stop…”

Shrugging her off from behind, she stumbled backwards, tripping over some boxes that were along the wall. Lying on the floor, she looked up at Ashlyn pacing back and forth. Seeing Ali when she turned again, she immediately reached for her. Shielding herself with her hands, she quickly turned her body on its side and begged, “Please, don’t!” She’d drawn her legs up closer to her body and had her eyes closed as she braced herself.

Stopping herself, she dropped to her knees and whispered, “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” Her hands outstretched in front of her, she pleaded, “Ali, look at me.”

Her eyes slowly fluttered open and she looked over at the blonde kneeling beside the boxes she’d fallen over. Letting out a breath, she rested her head back on the floor and asked, “Can you please give me some space?”

Leaning closer, the blonde extended a hand and called to her, “Come here. Let me help you up?”

Cradling her arm, Ali stretched her legs out and repeated, “Ashlyn, please back up and give me some space?” Her tone had changed to something Ash had never heard. “You scared me.” Her voice cracked and she started to lose control, “I need…” She began to cry, “I need you… to give me some… space…”

Hearing her sobs, Ashlyn sat back and whispered, “I’m sorry, Ali.”


	25. Alone

**Chapter 25**

When Ali pulled up to the front of the house on the quiet street, she put the black SUV in park and sat silently for a moment. Ashlyn watched her staring until she couldn’t stand it. “Are we alright?”

Bowing her head, she slid the key fob into her pocket and nodded. In a whisper, she confirmed, “Yes.” Opening the car door, she stepped out and looked around the neighborhood. Taking a deep breath, she pulled her jacket around her tighter. Using the car as a balance, she walked around it, careful not to slip on the ice from a previous snowfall that had left a coating of ice on the street.

When she reached the other side, Ashlyn was standing with her hand outstretched to help her balance. Meeting her eyes briefly, she shook her head, “I’m ok.” Stumbling, she quickly caught herself and stepped up the curb.

Standing side by side, Ali waited for Ashlyn to start up the walk so she could follow her. Once they reached the door, the blonde turned and took in a breath to speak but stopped herself. Sliding her key in the lock, she pushed it open and then held the screen door for Ali.

It was a little after nine in the morning. The house was warm and quiet, only for the ticking of a clock that sat on the mantle beside the Christmas tree in the corner. Standing in the archway between the kitchen and the living room, Ashlyn came to her side and explained, “The girls wanted to wait for you to decorate it. They thought it would be nice for us to all do that together.”

The door to the bathroom opened and Alyssa sleepily stopped, “I thought I heard voices.” Covering her mouth to hide a yawn, she reached out to hug Ali, “It’s so good to be in the same place with you again.” Smiling, she put her arm around Ashlyn, “I’m glad you’re both here.”

Meeting her eyes, Ali half smiled. Alyssa turned and went to the sink to pour herself a glass of water. With her back facing them, she asked, “Was it a real long drive or can you come and talk to me?” When she returned to Ali’s side, Alyssa nodded, “I’ve got a lot to tell you.”

Glancing back to Ashlyn, Ali nodded and followed her to her room. Closing the door behind her, Alyssa whispered, “What’s wrong?” She watched her closely and waited for an answer.

Ali had her hands in her coat pockets and was staring at her shoes. “Nothing,” she lied, as she shook her head. Taking a step closer, Alyssa leaned down to force Ali to look at her. When their eyes met, Alyssa reminded, “I can tell when you’re not being honest.”

Blushing at the reference, Ali hid her smile with a smirk. “Now, what happened?” Tenderly brushing some stray hairs from her face, she added, “You both look like you’re upset.”

Shaking her head, Ali began slowly, “I don’t know. Maybe it’s nothing. Ashlyn’s always been a little possessive with me. And I guess I liked it. It was a turn on knowing she wanted me and loved me that much. But last night we…” Taking a breath, she looked up at the ceiling to avoid Alyssa’s stare when her eyes filled with tears.

Reaching for her hands, Alyssa pulled her closer and into a hug. Holding her tightly, she smoothed her friend’s hair and coaxed, “Talk to me.” Ali was nervously shaking in her arms.

Taking a step back, Alyssa asked, “Can I get you anything?” As she spoke, she pulled on Ali’s coat to take it from her. Tossing it over her desk chair, she took her hand and led her to her bed, “Sit down.”

Ali sat on the edge beside Alyssa and pushed back. Pulling her knees up against her chest, she leaned her chin on them and started again, “Last night she started talking about how angry she is about what happened to me with Lou.” Thinking a moment, Alyssa frowned, “Now? After all this time?”

Ali nodded, “It came out of nowhere. Then she got mad about what happened with my kidney. And how they wouldn’t let her see me in the hospital because she wasn’t family. She said I needed more than Jacob to protect me from the world. She was all over the place.”

Alyssa was thinking. As Ali spoke, her friend’s gaze wandered to her arm. Running her fingers lightly across her forearm, Alyssa whispered, “That’s kind of ugly.” Tracing over the large bruise, she asked, “How’d you do that? Does it hurt?”

Folding her arms over herself, Ali met her eyes, Ash was punching the wall and I tried to stop her and…” When she hesitated, Alyssa leaned closer, “Did she hit you?”

Snapping her head up, Ali shook her head, “No. it’s not like that. It was an accident. I tripped over some boxes. It all happened so fast.”

“What happened so fast?” Alyssa was growing impatient with the staggering details.

Ali sniffled back tears and started to cry. She buried her face and mumbled, “She called me a child.”

“I don’t understand, Ali. The two of you have had this ridiculous bond for so long and now all of the sudden she’s acting like this. Why?”

Looking over, Ali whispered, “She said she wanted to get married.”

“I know. I thought you were happy about that.”

Reaching for her hand, Ali shook her head, “No, Lys, she wanted to get married, like today. She said she needed to know that nothing was ever going to come between us again. When I didn’t know what to say, she told me she wasn’t going to let me out of her sight ever again.”

Alyssa had narrowed her eyes in thought as she listened. She was trying to make sense out of what she was hearing.

“I laughed at her because I thought she was kidding.” Letting go of Alyssa’s hand, she shrugged, “I told her I wasn’t marrying a bodyguard and she couldn’t possibly think that she was going to watch me like a child.”

Alyssa used her fingers to comb through the brunette’s hair. “Do you still want to marry her?”

Lying on her side, Ali started to cry again, “I don’t know what I want.” Her head resting in Alyssa’s lap, she closed her eyes and said, “We were up all night fighting. She kept saying that I needed her to take care of me because I couldn’t take care of myself.”

Pulling a blanket over top of her, Alyssa shushed her, “Relax, ok? Just relax. You don’t have to make any decisions right now.” Covering her face with her hands, she mumbled, “I should have seen this coming. She feels guilty because we were apart for so long.” Pushing herself up halfway, she shook her head at Alyssa, “She said it was her fault that I cheated on her because she….” Raising a finger to her lips to quiet her, Alyssa warned, “Shhh. You have to keep it down, sound travels like mad. She’ll hear you.”

Ali glanced to the bedroom door and hunched her shoulders a little. “oh…”

“And by the way, you didn’t cheat on her. I took advantage and pressured you into it. Don’t go letting anybody make you out to be the bad guy.” Alyssa was very serious. “I take the blame for that.”

Her bottom lip quivering, the brunette rested her head back down and let out a sob. Rubbing her hand up and down her back, Alyssa sighed as she shook her head to herself. She wasn’t sure how everything had spiraled out of control in a little over twelve hours since she’d seen them last, but it needed to end.

Once Ali had fallen asleep, Alyssa reached for her cell phone and started texting. She tried to include everything that Ali had told her and then pressed send. Lowering the volume, she waited for a response.

After a few moments, Megan texted back that she would be right down.

Tapping her fingers on the door lightly, Megan turned the doorknob quietly and slipped into the room. Raising her hands into the air, she silently mouthed, “WTF?” Alyssa shook her head and held her hands out in front of her in a defensive pattern and then pointed to Ali asleep in her lap.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Megan watched her sleeping until Alyssa waved her hand to get her attention. Then she carefully peeled back the blanket and pointed to Ali’s bruised arm. Her eyes hooded with suspicion, she then met Alyssa’s stare and huffed out a breath. Her jaw set as she stood with intent. As she headed toward the door, Alyssa whispered after her in a panic, “What are you doing?”

*

Alyssa sat quietly beside Ali as she slept and even nodded off for a bit. When she opened her eyes, she was sure she heard a door slam or someone’s voice. She just wasn’t sure. She glanced down at her friend resting quietly and put a hand on her back for comfort.

When she was sure she heard voices, she quickly went to her door and opened it a few inches to listen. She could hear Megan and Ashlyn on the second floor talking in the hallway.

“After everything that you had to do to survive to get yourself where you are right now, how would you feel if someone told you that you were a child that needed looking after?” Megan’s voice was curt but solid. “She’s fought for and earned every ounce of respect, just the same as you.”

Ashlyn very quickly answered, “You’re the one that called her a scared little girl. You told me that I was shopping in the junior’s department.”

Rolling her eyes to herself, Alyssa breathed out in frustration. Pulling open the door and closing it quietly behind her, she headed for the staircase.

Her voice escalating, Megan spoke through gritted teeth, “She was sixteen years old. She’d just emancipated herself from her only living relative and survived a beating from her lecherous stepfather. I think the description fit at the time.”

“Now, overnight, she’s suddenly an adult?”

“It hasn’t been overnight; it’s been five years.” Folding her arms angrily over herself, Megan went on, “Besides, you marry women, not little girls. Either you’re trying to marry a child or smother an adult.” Holding her hands out as if they were scales, she asked, “Which one of these two people do you want to be?”

Taking the stairs two at a time, Alyssa reached the top and rushed between the couple. When Ashlyn had raised her hand to take a step, she was met face to face, with Alyssa who held her hands up defensively, “Can you guys lower your voice?”

“Well, what do you know,” Ashlyn laughed. “Look who’s here to defend her?”

Bowing her head and closing her eyes, Alyssa shook her head to herself. Dropping her hands, she turned, “I can’t believe we’re back at this again.” Folding her arms over herself, she leaned back against the wall, “Go ahead, don’t let me stop you.”

Motioning with her hand, Megan waved, “Is she trying to screw Ali again? Please, go ahead and tell me that you’re banging on that drum again. Because Ashlyn, and I mean this with everything that I am, I love you to death, but I’ll be moved out by the end of the day if you start with this craziness again.”

When the house was silent again, there was a creak in the floorboards that drew their attention to over the balcony. Standing in Alyssa’s doorway, Ali was quietly listening.

Going to the top of the steps, Ashlyn stood a moment. She stepped down a few and looked back down at Ali. “Twenty-four hours ago, I realized that I was about to get back to the happiest time in my life.” Descending the rest of the steps and stopping, she ran her hand over the handrail with her fingers, “For a long time now, I kept telling myself that one day I was going to be able to get back that feeling I had. We both studied, practiced, took care of our home together and after a long day, we didn’t need anything in this world other than being in each other’s arms at night.” Dropping her gaze to the floor, she shrugged, “What did we have to fight about? There was no money, there definitely wasn’t any sex…” Smiling halfway, Ali met Ashlyn’s hazel eyes with her own. “The only thing we needed was each other. As long as I had that, I was happy.”

Alyssa followed Megan down the steps and stood beside her. “I just want to finally be with you, Ali. I know you’re not a little girl anymore. I definitely know you can take care of yourself. You set me straight on that the first night I wanted to either take you to my place or walk you home and you said no.”

Ashlyn’s smile became a smirk that forced Ali to crinkle her nose with embarrassment and look away. Studying the kitchen, she glanced up at the pot rack hanging from the ceiling and asked, “Does anybody want pancakes?” Turning, Ali went to the refrigerator and took out a carton of milk. When she looked up at the pot rack again, Alyssa came to her side and unhooked the large frying pan. Handing it to her, she nodded, “There’s a step stool over there for short people.”

“Hey,” Megan frowned. Looking to Ali, she narrowed her eyes as she spoke, “I swear it’s a conspiracy to keep me from getting at the good food.” Ali giggled as she reached for the large bowl that Ashlyn had retrieved from the cabinet. Megan hovered over the opposite side of the island counter, “Oh, man, I’ll bet you Ali can cook some mean pancakes.” She was leaning further over watching what Ali was doing.

“Megan,” the brunette began, “I can’t have you watching while I add my secret ingredients. Why don’t you and Lys get dressed and it’ll be quicker.” Hesitating for only a moment, she was halfway up the stairs when Ashlyn mused, “You don’t even know what you’ve started. She’s like a cat. You feed her once and she’ll never go away.”

Alyssa laughed out loud as she walked across the kitchen toward her room. Once they were alone, Ali rested her hand over Ashlyn’s lightly and met her eyes. “Cockroach,” she whispered.

Squeezing it in return, Ashlyn whispered, “Cow.”

*

Seated around the island counter in the kitchen, Ali took a large piece of pancake and mopped up some syrup around her plate with it. She closed her eyes when she put it in her mouth to chew. When she finally opened them, she noticed Ashlyn watching her and smiled back.

Taking another bite, Ali then looked up, “My lawyer called and said there was an offer on my mother’s house.”

Raising her eyebrows a little, Ashlyn questioned, “Did you accept it?”

Shaking her head, Ali told her, “He’s emailing me all the details. I have to go over everything. Dad did a walk through a few weeks ago after all the work was done to get it up to code.”

Alyssa looked at Ashlyn, then over at Ali who was playing with her food. Trying to sound casual, she asked, “Have you found a therapist yet?”

Ali nodded, “I had a few sessions already. I’m going to have a regular schedule now that things shouldn’t be as hectic.”

“Is there cinnamon in this?” Hovering over her plate, Megan scooped up another mouthful. “Guys, I might need to be alone with the pancakes.” Laughing out loud, Alyssa snorted and covered her mouth with her hand, “Oh my god…”

Ali bowed her head as she stifled her giggle and took her plate to the sink. As she rinsed it, she shook her head to herself, “I’m going to bring my things in from the car; so I don’t have to see any part of that.” When she turned, Megan was sliding the last two cakes across the table toward her, “Come to momma.”

Standing, Alyssa rolled her eyes and asked, “Do you need some help? Please say yes.”

“Actually, yes. Which room is mine?” Ali had an eyebrow raised as she watched Megan.

Looking up quickly, Ashlyn asked, “Are you serious?”

Taking a couple steps closer, Ali went to her side, “What do you mean?”

Trying to not look over at Megan or Alyssa, she lowered her voice, embarrassed, “You’re not going to stay with me?” When Ali smiled at her, she suddenly felt foolish again for thinking the brunette was distancing herself. “Of course, I am. I didn’t think you wanted all my things cluttering up your room.”

Her soft brown eyes watching Ashlyn’s face color, Ali leaned in and whispered, “Honestly, you’re worse than the football players.” Her lips brushing the blonde’s, she then added, “Only, you’re way cuter.”

Remembering the reference, Ashlyn smiled back. “Let me put my plate away and I’ll give you a hand.” As she stood to take her plate to the sink, Megan called out, “Violation!”

Startling her, Ali jumped a little and put her hand to her chest, “Jesus, what was that for?” Alyssa dropped a shoe and stood staring, “What the hell is wrong with you?”

Megan reached across the table for the syrup and licked her thumb. “Since we’re all here, I wanted to see what everyone thought about a friendly little ground rule.” Drenching her plate with a thick coating that turned quickly into a swamp, she casually mused, “Everybody was real quick to let me know how they felt about the possibility of me having relations with these beautiful cakes in front of everyone. I knew it would just be a matter of time until you two started up. All that kissy-face stuff should be kept to a dull roar…out of respect for everyone in the house. Agreed?”

Nodding, Ali promised, “I agree.”

Ashlyn slid her arm around Ali’s waist and rested her head on the brunette’s shoulder, “Is this ok?”

Digging into her newly prepared plate, Megan waved a hand at her friend. Then, she said, “You too, Lys. You agree?”

Her black leather jacket halfway around her with one arm hanging out of it, she looked up surprised, “Hey, what’d I do?”

“Nothing, yet,” Megan mumbled. “But I’m sure it’s coming soon.”

Blushing as she bowed her head to zip her jacket, she let her long hair hide her embarrassment and turned. Handing Ali her coat, she asked, “You ready?”

Petting Ashlyn’s hair as if she were a puppy, Ali smiled and then followed Alyssa outside. Once they were both standing in the cold by the curb, Ali hit the button on her keyring to turn off the alarm. “This is one sweet ride.” Pulling open the back hatch, she took out a large box and turned, “Thanks. I figured I’d need something to make moving easier. This definitely has plenty of room. I could camp in the back if I wanted yoo.” Laughing, Alyssa retrieved a box for herself and called, “Follow me.”

Passing Ashlyn on the way back up the front walk, Ali smiled at the blonde. Alyssa led Ali to a room on the first floor that was on the opposite side of the kitchen. “Ash and Megan are both upstairs,” she explained. Stepping into the room and setting the box down, she added, “I think they’re bigger but both of these two identical rooms are nicer.” The first floor rooms were on either side of the kitchen. Alyssa stood with her arms folded over herself watching Ali walk around the room inspecting the intricate woodwork. Going to the large full length double windows that faced the back of the house, Ali stood a moment peering into the yard before turning quickly. Alyssa smiled at her and Ali whispered, “Do they realize…..” Shaking her head, the keeper answered as she laughed a little, “I really don’t think so.”

Alyssa stood at the window beside Ali when Ash stepped into the room. Setting down two boxes, she asked, “What are you two laughing about?” Megan bumped her out of the way as she carried in two more large plastic totes.

“Thanks Megan.” Ali crossed the room to head back out for more.

“You’re welcome. It’s the least I could do after those righteous cakes.”

When everyone returned with the last of the cargo, Megan flopped back on one of the boxes, “Ali, are you going to draft?”

Seated on the edge of the bed, pairing shoes from the tote, Ali shook her head and shrugged, “I’m not sure yet.”

“Where is it,” Alyssa asked as she sat on the floor and pulled a box closer.

Ashlyn sat on the recessed window ledge in the bay and answered, “Philadelphia. I’m pretty sure the ‘Glory’ are going to make sure to host a grand celebration. They want to outdo the ‘Savannah Freedom’ from last year.”

Flipping open the top of one of the boxes, Alyssa blushed and closed the lid and pushed it away slowly, “Have you had the round robin meet and greet?”

Ali nodded, “Yes. A couple weeks ago after we won the national title we had ours. I’m glad too. I couldn’t have had all those talks and all. It’s a much better idea to have the head coaches tour with the reps from all the teams.”

“I guess you met them all,” Megan asked. “All 24 teams?”

Once the tote was empty, she slid it under the bed and nodded, “Yeah. They had to schedule a separate afternoon so I could do that. I got some heat from the girls because of it.”

Leaning back against the window pane, Ashlyn laughed, “Well, you know, you are the number one prospect in the country. I’m sure everybody is trying to find roster space for you.”

Leaning herself again the bedframe, Alyssa looked down at the rows of shoes and cleats, “Have you thought about…possibilities?”

Unzipping her laptop case, Ali crossed the room and set it up on the desk. Taking her glasses from their case, she put them on and sat down. “Tonight, I have a lot of work to do.” Leaning down beside her, she retrieved file folders from one of the boxes and set them up beside her computer. “My agency said they sent the interest letter yesterday. Callie said she prepared the offers list in an attachment. I have to go over that, the lawyer paperwork, a settlement list and there’s a financial declaration from my mother’s estate that I have to approve. I’m allocating money to different…” When she turned and realized the three of them were all staring with overwhelmed expressions, she crinkled her nose a little and apologized, “I’m sorry. My brain hasn’t slowed down yet. I’ve been on ‘ten’ for weeks now and I haven’t begun to relax.” Lifting her glasses and tucking them on top of her head, she shrugged, “It’s a lot.”

Quickly standing, Megan announced, “Ok. You get your business done tonight. How about tomorrow night, we go to this great little place and get some food, some drinks and basically get you a jump start on relaxing?”

Megan raised her eyebrows and waited expectantly for an answer. Ali looked to Alyssa and then Ashlyn and smiled. Meeting Megan with a happy nod, she agreed, “I love the sound of that.”

There was a low buzzing sound and Alyssa pulled her cell phone from her pocket. As she read the text, a smile crept across her face until she looked up and saw Megan watching her, “Might as well ask Becky to come along. Gotta have the whole family together.” Alyssa blushed and looked away embarrassed. “I’ll let her know.”

Reaching into another box, Alyssa pulled out an elaborate trophy and studied it. Quickly noticing the contents of the box, Megan shrieked, “Oh Em Gee, Ali, is the Euro MVP Cup in there? I’ve been dying to see it. I’ve heard about how insane it is.”

Leaning up, Ash agreed, “I totally forgot. Can I see it?”

Setting the large trophy aside, Alyssa searched the box.

Finally, looking to Ali, Alyssa questioned with her eyes.

“It’s not in there.” Ali shrugged. “I gave it away.”

The three roommates all expressed their shock at the same time and questioned to who. The anticipation housed in their eyes was overwhelming. Ali chewed nervously on her bottom lip before she wrinkled her nose a little and answered, “It’s one of Jacob’s Christmas gifts. I wanted him to have it.”

Alyssa smiled at Ali, “He’s going to love that.”

Meeting Ashlyn’s approving nod, Ali glanced over at Megan. “Very nice. Little man deserves it.”

The room was silent with contemplation and thoughts of Jacob’s delight on Christmas morning as he opened Ali’s gift. Then, clapping her hands together, Megan took a few steps closer to Ali and leaned in for a hug, “I’m glad you’re here.” When she backed up, she added, “You unpack, do what you gotta do and thanks again for breakfast. I may employ your services again soon.”

“Great,” Ali Giggled.

Megan turned to leave the room and asked, “Are you two coming to the facility? Say, twenty minutes? I’ll drive.”

After sending a few texts, Alyssa looked up to Ash, “You coming?” When the blonde nodded, she stood and waved, “I’ll see you tonight Ali.”

Once they were alone in the room, Ashlyn explained, “We’ve been training together before mandatory practices start.”

She turned in her chair to face Ashlyn, “That’s great. You can keep each other motivated.”

Dropping her legs over the edge of the bay window ledge, Ash nodded, “You have no idea. The voted lazy bones of the day has to cook dinner.” When the blonde smiled mischievously, Ali glanced at her doorway in thought. Then she looked back toward Ashlyn shaking her head, “You two are terrible. How many nights a week do you make her cook?”

When Alyssa ran by the door in a panic with a bag hanging from her shoulder, Ashlyn held back a smile and said, “Well, she’s gotten really good at it. Especially since the mashed potatoes aren’t crispy anymore.”

A hand to her forehead, Ali mumbled, “I can’t believe the deceit.”

Standing, Ash said, “We usually don’t get back until like eight or so. We stop for dinner sometimes to give her a break.”

Standing, Ali feigned disapproval, “That’s nice of you both.”

“We’ll swing by after practice to get you at like six?”

Shaking her head, Ali told her, “It’s ok. I need to put my things away so I can get some work done. I really have a lot of loose ends to deal with.”

Reaching a hand out and running her finger along the seam of Ali’s tee shirt, Ashlyn asked, “Can I bring you some food back?” Ali watched the blonde avoiding her stare as she focused on the fabric. Taking her hand and holding it, she waited for the comfort of Ashlyn’s hazel reflection to reach her. She smiled slightly and shook her head, “No, thank you.”

Unable to restrain herself any longer, the blonde’s face became relaxed and her guard softened. Sliding her arms around Ali’s waist, she gently pulled her closer. Not breaking their gaze, Ali whispered, “I was wondering when you were going to finally do that.”

A hint of hesitation in her movements, Ashlyn apologized, “I’m so sorry. The last thing I’d ever want to do is hurt you.” Placing a finger to her lips, Ali took a breath, “There’s no place I’d rather be than here in your arms.” Their eyes lingered on one another until Ali rested her head against Ashlyn’s chest.

“I love you, Ali.”

Lifting her head to look back up, Ali smiled slightly, “It’s usually right around now that one of us is leaving. It’s a good feeling knowing that we’re going to be together for three weeks.”

Lost in each others eyes, Ashlyn whispered, “Can I kiss you?”

Ali tilted her head upward and lightly pressed her lips to Ashlyn’s. Returning the affection, the blonde pulled back and whispered, “I have missed you so much.” Before they could say anything else, they both heard the front door open, “Ash! She’s leaving!”

After closing with a slam, Ash placed a kiss on her nose. “I’ll be home later.”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part III is next  
> Play time is over. School is finished. Now, life begins.


	26. Part 3 Update

Part 3 has begun. Please check my homepage to access Chapter 1. Thank you for following.


End file.
